Thank you for contacting JustAnswer.
I'm sorry to hear that you are having such a difficult time. It can be very overwhelming to lose a spouse, leaving you with little reserve to cope with other stressors such as those with your son. Keep in mind that he may be also affected by the loss of his father, which may have resulted in him trying to avoid feeling his feelings through the porn and gambling. One thing you can do is to encourage your son to seek treatment. You can offer him unconditional love and support despite disagreeing with his choices. You can also offer your daughter in law and your grandchildren your support and love. This may be a way for you to channel your grief and feel productive, rather than letting the depression take over.
Keep in mind that the stages of grief include: Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, Acceptance. It is important to keep in mind that time will help with the grief process, as well as allowing yourself to feel your feelings in small amounts without allowing them to overwhelm you and without judging your feelings. You might want to take some time each day to write about how you are feeling. It is important to be sure to eat regularly. If your appetite is low, try to eat small frequent healthy meals throughout the day. A lack of nutrition will interfere with the ability to think clearly, making it more difficult for you to cope.
Individual therapy can be very effective to help you to learn to feel your feelings in a safe way and develop tools to improve your mood. Other tools such as exercise, structuring your days with some social interaction, meditation, volunteering, working and avoiding alcohol, which is a depressant, can all be quite helpful. Think back to things that you enjoyed in the past and consider revisiting them. Even if you are not enjoying them right away you can "fake it till you make it". This is a time to work on taking good care of yourself and building your self esteem and confidence and to give yourself unconditional love. I hope this is helpful. Please let me know if I can help further.