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I'm glad you can respond so positively - maybe she can not send you a card for two years because despite the way she treats you, you continue to be so good to her and she simply doesn't appreciate what a fabulously supportive mom she has? Maybe its time she felt the consequences of what she does to you. I think we talked about that before. Do you know what, I think you're right, I think it's time for you and your son to enjoy time together whilst your daughter is doing her own thing - you have accepted between you and your husband that life has been hard and you have done all that you can - maybe now is the time to be a bit more selfish and inward thinking - to yourself and your husband. Start with the little things in life, (if you don't already) buy him a magazine, run him a bath, leave him messages, let him know you love him, buy him a gab of his favourite licorice (or whatever). You may be surprised, he may do the same for you too. It sounds as if knows you need to get over your grudges - next time he says that, ask him for some support - say yes, I know i need to get over it, but I cant do it by myself - please would you listen to me - tell him that you don't need solutions (sometimes men find it difficult to listen because they think we want solutions to be generated - sorry for sweeping generalisation of male species) - but that you would just like to sound off some of the stuff on your chest and let it go. You have done really well to recognise how your own family functioned (some people don't have that insight) and you know you have done your best and more. If that was your dream for your daughter and now your daughter is starting her own life (so to speak) then you need another dream to fill the gap - don't wait for her to be grateful, that may not come for many years yet - fill your time with other things over and above your son if you can, however small. Let your daughter see you living your own life and she may begin to feel less central to it - this will release the pressure from her and maybe enable her to go of some of the emotional stuff too - the sooner she can do that, the sooner she may see what she has actually had and is in danger of losing. "forget" to call her, let her do the running - when she says you haven't called her - tell her you've been having such a good time. These are just thoughts for you to consider - ways of allowing yourself to feel good without the input from your daughter or else where. Remember those dreams you had before children, is there any way you can make them a reality for just a day or so? Book yourself a ticket at the theatre, on your own if you have to - you can enjoy it when the lights go down without anyone else - your husband can be with your son - or maybe a sitter for just a few hours? Your daughter will probably love your son dearly, but she needs a break to be able to see it. If her boyfriend is worth his salt, he will encourage her to talk to him and then encourage her to see you and your family in a better light. This might take a while. I don't know if my ramblings are useful - I certainly hope so. If you can see a hypnotherapist for a session, get them to record a disk for you to listen to at home - it will help you to fill the gap, re-form the dream, stay positive, let go of the emotion. I hear that you don't want to become stressed and bitter like your mom, and asking for help and letting the emotions go are one way of making sure this doesn't happen. It's in your hubby's best interests to listen to you - I know it feels odd if you're not used to it - sit in the dark and tell him if it's more comfortable for you both. Don't let him think you are just moaning, you need a sounding board so that you can get it all off your chest. He has a role to play in that. No man is an island, it's just not possible without negative consequences. give him time to talk too, it's a two way street, you may learn things you didn't know about him - just doing this can bring you closer together. With all my best wishes, Sarah Did I mention EFT before? When you feel the humiliation, tap your hand with your other hand on the edge of your palm, between your wrist and the base of your little finger and say to yourself, 'even though I feel humiliated, I know what I did and I won't do it again'. Repeat a few times on each hand. 'even though I feel humiliated, I can let it go'. 'Even though I did that thing, I am a good person and people love me'. 'even though I made a mistake, I am a lovely person'. Do this with all unwanted emotions, saying the negative and replacing it with a positive. every time you awaken in the morning, say 'I am getting better and better with each day that goes by' and each time you go to bed, say (out loud or to yourself) 'As each night goes by, I am becoming more and more comfortable, more at ease with myself and the situation'. Adapt this to however you want it to be. You are programming your subconscious mind and you may be surprised how soon you begin to feel more and more positive as the days and nights go by. Feel free to contact me anytime. Sarah PS it was 10am in England, but thanks for the thought!!
.OKMH53016130 My son is very anxious. He gets like