I'm sure my daughter (age 28) has BPD but has never been diagnosed. She appears quite normal to the doctors and has been prescribed both Adderall in college, for attention deficit (not Hyperactive) and recently Zoloft since she has been getting progressively depressed and angry. She lives by herself, one town away from me. Her father, I'm sure, has the same thing and is also an alcoholic. She witnessed a lot of serious arguments and trumoil growing up between her father and I which were rarely physical and she was always acting out and demanding attention, both positive and negative, which I always felt was because of our fighting. She was alone until she was almost 6 years old and we had another daughter J who appears to be fine except for a bad temper, which is mostly directed at her older sister. E has resented J from the day she was born, yet alternately acts like she "owns" her, and has always been fascinated by J's curly hair, patting it, pulling it and smelling it! J would always haul off and punch her as soon as she did
it because E just couldn't stop doing it and E would always be so surprised and say thta J was wrong and she was right, she nver understood or acknolledged that she was in any way to blame and it has been that way with her always! E was and still is a temper tantrum thrower. No matter where she is she will act out, in public and in front of anyone. She has and still does cross that boundry where others will not. Everything is black adn white to her, if you are not with her you are against her. Also, she has always had an eating problem, she only eats certain foods her whole life. She eats hamburgers, hot dogs, baked beans, french fries, applesauce, cranberry sauce, mixed fruit, waffles, pancakes and has been to a nutritionist and she does try chicken and beef and lettuce but not really. She has done that becasue of peer pressure from the boyfriends who have come and gone through her life. I am her best (and only) friend and her worst enemy, lately more often her enemy, because I try andoffer her help and suggestions, yet she accuses me of criticizing her and wishing her harm (not to mention that I'm the one responsible for all her problems and I need professional help and i favor J, and I'm just waiting and hoping she fails and will be happy when she is gone, etc., endlessly!)! I've had her to Alateen which she never wanted to go back to and to counceling twice, mostly for eating and she has gone once herself. She would never do the exercises or keep the journals they suggested and just stopped. She is in total denial (I have never suggested that she has BPD for fear of her temper tantrum and accusations that I would be happy if she is crazy!) but as far as suggestions for her to get help. She and her sister had a knock down dragged out fight recently and of course I am against her and I support J (E almost threw a basket out of her 15th floor balcony) and then J's laptop causing J to try and stop her and restrain her. She always acts agressively toward J and I and tries to say she didn't and then dramatically falls or throws herself down and says we did it to her. She is therefore not at fault and we are!
My question is how can I get her help. I thought I cna sepak to her primary doctor who is treating her for depression (zoloft whcih seemed to help with the frequency of her outbursts and she seemed happier for a longer period of time, more stable) as well as Adderall which she needs for work (she is always onthe verge of being fired and has been twice before because of her inefficiency). By the way she has a college degree from a big East college so is very smart and manipulative. If I tel her primary doctor and he tells her she will be more than furious with me, it actually scares me what she may do! I don't feel she needs to be committed, although I do feel she is getting worse. She is currently not speaking to me but I expect she will soon enough, I hesitate to tell her anything to rile her up. Should I tell her I think she has BPD? Her sister J and she are no longer talking and I am not encouraging their relathionship anymore as is always ends in disaster! When she is speaking to me again should I tell her I think she has BPD? I'm pretty frank with her as far as suggesting she get help, etc. (which she hates) should I stop doing that? And finally when she tells me she doesn't want to speak with me, I usually email or call & leave a voicemail and just ask her how she is doing or if she needs anything. Should I do that, or just stop contact with her until she calls me? I don't want her to feel I've abandoned her, even though she yells aat me because she told me not to call her!!! I just want to do the right thing by her and her sister. I am still married but I keep my husband out of it because he is just as bad as she is and he blames me to for antoganizing her. We live in the same house but do most everything separately. Please advise.