How JustAnswer Works:

  • Ask an Expert
    Experts are full of valuable knowledge and are ready to help with any question. Credentials confirmed by a Fortune 500 verification firm.
  • Get a Professional Answer
    Via email, text message, or notification as you wait on our site.
    Ask follow up questions if you need to.
  • 100% Satisfaction Guarantee
    Rate the answer you receive.

Ask Dr. Mark Your Own Question

Dr. Mark
Dr. Mark, Psychotherapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 5133
Experience:  Dr. Mark is a PhD in psychology in private practice
50444359
Type Your Mental Health Question Here...
Dr. Mark is online now
A new question is answered every 9 seconds

What is my problem

Customer Question

I just started drinking alcohol last year, my senior year of high school. We have a great group of friends that we drink together, theres about 10 of us that have get together every other weekend and have a good time. There's Colby, Kayla, Cara, Cory, Rob, Kyle, Lindsay and and we usually have some friends that come hang out that aren't the regulars. I'm very close to all these people. A few weeks ago I noticed Colby stopped drinking (mainly after he got really sick and threw up several times, but colby has done but long before he started drinking) and he started doing pot. Then Lindsay started. Now everytime we have a get together half of our group seems to disappear and smoke pot while we drink and be social. When i first found out about this I was furious, I would ask where's colby and lindsay...and one time I found them and I started cursing and calling them pot heads and it got really bad. I was drunk at the time. Then our next get together I found out Cory started smoking and I even tried to black mail him with a video of gay porn on his computer, I told him not to smoke that night and he ended up doing it. I didn't use the video against him I felt it was too mean but that night when I was drinking and found out he had tried I got furious again. I was asking some of my friends that don't drink or smoke and they say when their friends go do that stuff they just don't go near it. I can't seem to do that. Last Saturday night we had a get together and they ended up smoking. Colby now has learned to not tell me when he goes to do it...they will just disappear and come back and I eventually figure it out. Anyway, last Saturday there were people there that did it with colby and lindsay and I didnt seem to get mad at them, I was more mad at colby and lindsay because I have more feelings for them. Kayla and Cara have told me I have control issues and I don't raise hell now everytime they go do it, it just makes me mad at them and ruins my night. My mom things I'm passive aggressive and thinks that I developed a lot of this when I was younger because I was mentally joked around with my father he picked at me because my grand father did it to him. I'm in a text conversation with colby right now about all of this. I told him I can't control the way I feel when they do it so I can't be around when they do it anymore. He sent me a text back saying that he wouldnt smoke around me anymore if I wouldnt drive drunk (there were a few times when I would drive home after drinking) and I responded back "how about I'll stop drinking if you stop smoking" he responded back "only at our get togethers?" my goal is to get him to stop smoking all the time and drink with us instead of smoking. I haven't sent him a text back. And don't get me wrong, I have nothing really aginst pot like I used to I've done research and all that and I don't think pot is the issue I think it's a mental flaw within me and I was hoping we could find out what that is some how.

Confused,

Cameron
Submitted: 3 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Dr. Mark replied 3 years ago.

Hi, Cameron! I believe I can be of help with this issue.

To give you the most authoritative answer, it would be best if I could have some more information:

I'm not clear why drinking is more okay than smoking in your eyes. Could you elaborate what makes drinking okay?

What is your attachment to drinking about? Colby was willing to give up pot if you would be willing to give up drinking. Why did you not agree to it? You wrote it was because this is what you do when you get together, but why?

Why can't you all get together without pot OR alcohol?

Thanks, XXXXX XXXXX help give you the best answer.

Dr. Mark

Customer: replied 3 years ago.
Thanks for the response. Mom asked me the same question. I'm not sure why I think pot is more less okay than drinking. I hate pot because it seems to make people lazy and not social like drinking does.I'm anti lazy, I hate it when people aren't productive. Maybe that's why? Or maybe it's because drinking is what I want to do to and I'm trying to control them? I don't know what why I'm so attached to alcohol, I can go a long period of time without drinking. I think it's because alcohol is what we all started doing we first met. I really enjoy the effects of alcohol.

I guess we could get together without doing either of them. Only thing now is since colby agreed not to smoke at the get togethers that means he'll smoke whereever and my whole goal was to get him to stop altogether and I don't know why I want that but I know I can't control that...
Expert:  Dr. Mark replied 3 years ago.
Cameron,

You have excellent ability to have insight into yourself. Notice the phrasing of what I said: the ability to have insight. To actually HAVE insight, you need to practice and use that ability you have. Practice looking into yourself and asking questions about yourself and why you do what you do. We live in a time where 45 seconds on a thought is considered giving a lot of attention to it! But you are more complex than that, so you are going to have to honor your being a complex, whole person. You need to look at things about yourself from many different perspectives to get an understanding.

I don't recommend therapy for you at this time about this. I recommend introspection, taking time to take a walk and think about things. Time to talk with friends and see where your thoughts and theirs go. Time to read books that will get you thinking.

Thoughts about why alcohol makes you feel safer in a social gathering with friends that it has become like a habit? Is it just a habit? Is there some insecurity that it answers? Is it the best answer? If it helps being social, why do you need help? You individually and all of you together? Is there some tension, fear, or insecurity it relieves? Is there a better way? Do you see all the questions I have come up with in just a brief moment? And there are more...

That you're anti-lazy is great! But there's a tenseness and nervousness about it. Why is there a nervousness? The need to have others be the same is a nervousness. Why do you need them to be like you? What does it mean to you when you say you need to control? Why? How? What would be better?

You see the questions are plentiful and they are part of the great beauty and mystery of life. Take them up with your mother and let her be one of the people you explore with. I'd like you to show her my answer to you. Because I want her to NOT give you any answers to your questions. I would like to recommend to her to begin letting you answer your life questions and explore them and she enjoy and feel wonderful that you are sharing your questions with her and she can be there in the background to guide when you ask for guidance as you become an adult.

So here are some books to look at as you continue in becoming an adult. They are not revolutionary, they are classics that each have something worthwhile for you to consider and to add to your questions and answers in life.

I think very highly of the first book on my list, which is a real classic: The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People by Stephen Covey. It is assertiveness thinking, but it is adult thinking all the way and is the book that has helped more people than probably any other.

The second book is by Anthony Robbins. He's one of those speakers who fills up huge auditoriums. For a reason. He's a terrific speaker and writer. The particular book (if you like it, try his others): Awaken the Giant Within.

The last book is the father of all these type of books. How to Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie. There are classes in these books now! It was written in the 1930s and still has something to say to you who lives on texting!

You can find all of these books easily on the internet with little investment. These books may or may not answer any specific question for you, but they will help direct you toward a way of looking at yourself in the world as an adult and as a man.

Okay. So you see I have not answered any of your questions about Colby or yourself. I have instead tried to open for you a path toward exploring your self and your self in the world so that YOU can learn the answers to your life questions as you move on your life path.

I wish you the very, very best!

Please remember to click the green accept button. Feel free to continue the discussion; my goal is to get you the best answers possible. Bonuses are always appreciated! If I can be of further help with any issue, just put "for Dr. Mark" in the front of your new question, and I'll be the one to answer it. All the best, XXXXX XXXXX

Expert:  Dr. Mark replied 3 years ago.
Hi Cameron! I haven't heard back from you in a while. I hope everything is okay with you. If you feel the question is still not fully answered, let me know what still remains to be discussed. If you feel you've gotten benefit from my answer, please click the green accept button. If I can be of further help with any issue, just put "for Dr. Mark" in the front of your new question, and I'll be the one to answer it. All the best, XXXXX XXXXX
Dr. Mark, Psychotherapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 5133
Experience: Dr. Mark is a PhD in psychology in private practice
Dr. Mark and other Mental Health Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 3 years ago.
Thank you! I feel like you didn't really give me an answer you just kind of lead me in the direction of what I already knew. But thanks for your time.
Expert:  Dr. Mark replied 3 years ago.
Cameron, I hope you will accept what I am about to say as being sincerely XXXXX XXXXX you from someone with many years experience in life:

Being given answers to our problems is not what growing up is about. When we are children we are told what to do and we either do it or not. When we grow up, we need to no longer pride being given the answers but given guidance so we can see if we were ourselves heading in the right direction or need to change course.

I wish you the very best, XXXXX XXXXX
Customer: replied 3 years ago.
Thank you, XXXXX XXXXX very good advice. I would love to be able to help you in the future. I'm a huge tech fanatic and own a company helping people with technology. If you ever need any help please let me know. You can get my contact information from www.pc-fix.us

Thanks again for your time! You really are wise!

Cameron
Expert:  Dr. Mark replied 3 years ago.
Thank you so much, Cameron. All the best, XXXXX XXXXX

JustAnswer in the News:

 
 
 
Ask-a-doc Web sites: If you've got a quick question, you can try to get an answer from sites that say they have various specialists on hand to give quick answers... Justanswer.com.
JustAnswer.com...has seen a spike since October in legal questions from readers about layoffs, unemployment and severance.
Web sites like justanswer.com/legal
...leave nothing to chance.
Traffic on JustAnswer rose 14 percent...and had nearly 400,000 page views in 30 days...inquiries related to stress, high blood pressure, drinking and heart pain jumped 33 percent.
Tory Johnson, GMA Workplace Contributor, discusses work-from-home jobs, such as JustAnswer in which verified Experts answer people’s questions.
I will tell you that...the things you have to go through to be an Expert are quite rigorous.
 
 
 

What Customers are Saying:

 
 
 
  • I can go as far as to say it could have resulted in saving my sons life and our entire family now knows what bipolar is and how to assist and understand my most wonderful son, brother and friend to all who loves him dearly. Thank you very much Corrie Moll Pretoria, South Africa
< Last | Next >
  • I can go as far as to say it could have resulted in saving my sons life and our entire family now knows what bipolar is and how to assist and understand my most wonderful son, brother and friend to all who loves him dearly. Thank you very much Corrie Moll Pretoria, South Africa
  • I thank-you so much! It really helped to have this information and confirmation. We will watch her carefully and get her in for the examination and US right away if things do not improve. God bless you as well! Claudia Albuquerque, NM
  • Outstanding response time less than 6 minutes. Answered the question professionally and with a great deal of compassion. Kevin Beaverton, OR
  • Suggested diagnosis was what I hoped and will take this info to my doctor's appointment next week.
    I feel better already! Thank you.
    Elanor Tracy, CA
  • Thank you to the Physician who answered my question today. The answer was far more informative than what I got from the Physicians I saw in person for my problem. Julie Lockesburg, AR
  • You have been more help than you know. I seriously don't know what my sisters situation would be today if you had not gone above and beyond just answering my questions. John and Stefanie Tucson, AZ
  • I have been dealing with an extremely serious health crisis for over three years, and one your physicians asked me more questions, gave me more answers and encouragement than a dozen different doctors who have been treating me!! Janet V Phoenix, AZ
 
 
 

Meet The Experts:

 
 
 
  • Dr. Keane

    Therapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1262
    Clinical Psychology PhD, Licensed Professional Counselor with experience in marriage/family, teens and child psychology.
< Last | Next >
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/DR/Dr.Keane/2013-8-20_204325_drkeane.64x64.jpg Dr. Keane's Avatar

    Dr. Keane

    Therapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1262
    Clinical Psychology PhD, Licensed Professional Counselor with experience in marriage/family, teens and child psychology.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/RE/resolutions66/2011-1-17_05728_IMG8202smilingeditedforJustAnswer.64x64.jpg Elliott, LPCC, NCC's Avatar

    Elliott, LPCC, NCC

    Psychotherapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    5024
    35 years of experience as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, National Certified Counselor and a college professor.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/formybunch/2010-12-06_191055_img_0975.jpg Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC's Avatar

    Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC

    Therapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    3733
    Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/DR/DrAkiraOlsen/2012-2-20_746_AkiraADpicmain.64x64.jpg Dr. Olsen's Avatar

    Dr. Olsen

    Psychologist

    Satisfied Customers:

    2336
    PsyD Psychologist
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/norriem/2009-5-27_134249_nm.jpg Norman M.'s Avatar

    Norman M.

    Psychotherapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    2193
    UK trained in hypnotherapy, counselling and psychotherapy and have been in private practice. ADHP(NC), DEHP(NC), UKCP Registered and ECP.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/PsychologyProf/2010-07-15_171248_logos060400409.jpg Dr. Michael's Avatar

    Dr. Michael

    Psychologist

    Satisfied Customers:

    2177
    Licensed Ph.D. Clinical Health Psychology with 30 years of experience in private practive and as a clinical psychology university professor.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/KURTEMMERLING/2010-07-23_215531_just_ask_picture1.jpg Steven Olsen's Avatar

    Steven Olsen

    Therapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1727
    More than twenty years of expertise in counseling, psychological diagnosis and education
 
 
 

Related Mental Health Questions

Chat Now With A Mental Health Professional
Dr. Mark
Dr. Mark
Mental Health Professional
5133 Satisfied Customers
Dr. Mark is a PhD in psychology in private practice