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Karyn Jones
Karyn Jones, Mental Health Professional
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 1716
Experience:  Diploma of Counselling and Transactional Analysis Counselling, Lifeline counselling, Pastoral Care.
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How long is normal to survive being a widow My husband of

Resolved Question:

How long is normal to survive being a widow? My husband of 50 years died 3 years ago and no matter how hard I try, I can't move on.
I have 2 children which live in other states.
Submitted: 5 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Karyn Jones replied 5 years ago.
Hello, my name is XXXXX XXXXX you for bringing your very real concerns and sharing of your great loss..for which I truly very sorry to hear easy road to go down.
Losing someone near and dear is very painful. After the significant loss of your husband, you may experience all kinds of difficult and surprising emotions, such as shock, anger, and guilt. Sometimes it may feel like the sadness will never let up. While these feelings can be frightening and overwhelming, they are normal reactions to loss. Accepting them as part of the grieving process and allowing yourself to feel what you feel is necessary for healing.

There is no right or wrong way to grieve — but there are healthy ways to cope with the pain. You can get through it! Grief that is expressed and experienced has a potential for healing that eventually can strengthen and enrich your life.


Grief is a natural response to loss. It’s the emotional suffering you feel when someone you have shared your life with and you love is taken away.The more significant the loss, the more intense the grief...and no easy time for you.
Grieving is a personal and highly individual experience. How you grieve depends on many factors, including your personality and coping style, your life experience, your faith, and the nature of the loss...yet the grieving process takes time. Healing happens gradually; it can’t be forced or hurried – and there is no 'normal' timetable for grieving. Some people start to feel better in weeks or months. For others,( like yourself) the grieving process is measured in years. Though, right now it’s important to be patient with yourself and allow the process to naturally unfold...and it unfolds by way of not' ignoring your pain or keep it from surfacing as this will only make it worse in the long run. For real healing to begin it is necessary to face your grief and actively deal with it...
Feeling sad, frightened, or lonely is a normal reaction to loss. Crying doesn’t mean you are weak. You don’t need to “protect” your family or friends by putting on a brave front. but show your true feelings this can help them and you.
Crying is a normal response to sadness, but it’s not the only one. Those who don’t cry may feel the pain just as deeply as others...but may simply have other ways of showing it. There is no right or wrong time frame for grief..just be kind to yourself this in most important..
There is a natural grief cycle that you are going through.. and this has no order to it you can swing in and out and feel ups and downs ...*Denial 'this can't be happening to me." *Anger" Why is this happening ? who is to blame?" *Bargaining:"Make this not happen, and in return I will -----" *Depression:"I'm too sad to do anything." *Acceptance:"I'm at peace with what happened.
If you are experiencing any of these emotions following your loss, it may help to know that your reaction is natural and that you’ll heal in time. However, not everyone who is grieving goes through all of these stages – and that’s okay. Contrary to popular belief, 'you don't have to go through each stage in order to heal' some people resolve their grief without going through any of these stages. And if you do go through them, you probably won’t experience them in a neat, sequential order, so don’t worry about what you “should” be feeling or which stage you’re supposed to be in.

Like many roller coasters, the ride tends to be rougher in the beginning, the lows may be deeper and longer. The difficult periods should become less intense and shorter as time goes by, but it takes time to work through a loss. Even years after a loss, you may still experience a strong sense of different times.
I think you have done a wonderful thing by way of getting involved in your local community life and craft please keep this up...its essential for your emotional/mental overall wellbeing...
Please know that my thoughts and prayers are with you..if my response has been of help to you please 'accept' it as it helps keep this valuable service going for you and others in the future..meantime, take good care..
Karen S(ClinicalDipCounBmin)
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