Thank you for contacting Just Answer. I am so very sorry to hear about your dilemma. I know this sounds cruel but you don't need to put yourself in this dysfunctional mess. You didn't create it. You might want to see someone for a time to go over these things and help you sort things out so that you may move on with your life.
One good thing is that you are not yet married. I know you were fearful of living alone. I know you love her but the situation you are in now couldn't be much worse than being alone. Besides if you sought out a therapist, not only would they help you sort out this mess but they would be able to help you not fear being alone so that you can then be more patient and less fearful of waiting to be with the right person or at least sort out what is going on.
I see you are offline now. I'll check back later to see if you have reentered this Chat so we can communicate back and forth.
I didn't realize I could chat with you online. I'll check back later to see if you are there. Otherwise, let me know when you might be there tomorrow.