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Kristin, Mental Health Professional
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 454
Experience:  Licensed Mental Health Counselor. 11+ years specialist in mental health. Expertise and insight!
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Hi there, Can you help someone who abuses you and done it

Resolved Question:

Hi there,
Can you help someone who abuses you? and done it to other women?
If you can who do you go to for this? What kind of Doctor?

Thank you
Submitted: 5 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Kristin replied 5 years ago.

Hello and thank you for your question.


Can you tell me a bit more about the situation. What kind of abuse and how often is it happening and for how long has it been going on? thanks...

Customer: replied 5 years ago.

Hi Kirsten,

I am trying to find out as much info as possiable about him that has not been easy. He has done it for years with his wife then his girlfriend. Now me. I have been with him now for 2 years he has abused me several times. Only after he has been drinking and he is very controling as well. The abuse is all on the face by hitting punching choking head butting throwing you to the floor kicking pulling hair.


He abused me 1st time Jan 2009 2nd may 2009 3rd Feb 2010 (Oct 2010 badly).

He never believes he is wrong ever and wants you to think its you all the time. you must do things his way or not at all.


I feel that he is 2 different people sometimes as his face changes like a mad thing.

He has asked me to get help with him but I don't know what to do.

I told him to get his own help and when he has had this we can talk. But he said he does not know wher to look?


I hope this can hel you



Expert:  Kristin replied 5 years ago.

Hi Sylvia,


Thank you for the information. You are in a very dangerous situation with this man, and it's only going to get worse. And just as you mentioned the last beating was the worst. It will continue this way. He will not change without some very serious professional help and long term help for himself. You really need to start taking steps to get out of this situation. I really encourage you to call your local domestic violence agency in your town. It's completely confidential and he will not know you have done so. They will work with you (for free) to counsel you on how to get out of this relationship safely.

Also, here is the national domestic violence hotline: Their number is XXXXX

If you feel he might monitor your computer usage. Then just call the hotline rather than looking at the link.

here is their link:


For him, can you tell me which state you live in and i can find a resource.

Customer: replied 5 years ago.

Hi Kristin,


Thank you so much for your help I live in Johannesberg SA I thought you were a South African site?

Expert:  Kristin replied 5 years ago.

Here are some resources in your area: Call the first one and ask them also for programs in Johnannesburg for the person who is committing the violence. They can give you some resources. I urge you to get help and now! Please be safe. This is very serious matter and you need to really work on getting out of this relationship.

Please click ACCEPT, so I'm paid for my help today. Thank you!


Stop Woman Abuse National Toll-free Hotline 0800 150150

Life Line: Johannesburg(NNN) NNN-NNNNbr />Durban (031) 23 2323; Port Elizabeth (041) 55 5581; Cape Town(NNN) NNN-NNNNbr />
Adapt:(NNN) NNN-NNNNbr />
Advice Desk for Abused Women:(NNN) NNN-NNNNbr />
Black Sash:(NNN) NNN-NNNNbr />
Domestic Violence Assistance Programme:(NNN) NNN-NNNNbr />
Family and Marriage Centre of South Africa: Johannesburg(NNN) NNN-NNNN788 4784; Port Elizabeth(NNN) NNN-NNNN Durban(NNN) NNN-NNNN Cape Town(NNN) NNN-NNNN Pretoria(NNN) NNN-NNNN/p>

Customer: replied 5 years ago.

Hi Kristin,

Sorry last night I got cut off as we had a very bad storm.


My main question was can he get help? and what kind of Doctor? can he come right with help?


Thank you


Expert:  Kristin replied 5 years ago.

Hi Sylvia,


He can get help. He needs a perpetrator program, for the people who commit the acts of domestic violence. He can get help and he can get better. BUT, it's not a quick fix and will take true dedication and desire on his part to really really want to change.


Call these two places and ask them to refer you to a place that has programs for those who are the batterers, or those who are the abusers.

Stop Woman Abuse National Toll-free Hotline 0800 150150

Life Line: Johannesburg(NNN) NNN-NNNN/p>

Even if he starts a program I really encourage you to move away from the relationship, while he is in treatment. Like I said it takes time and you don't want him to attack you again and hurt you again.

Please click ACCEPT otherwise I'm not credited for my help with this. Thank you and best wishes Sylvia.

Kristin and other Mental Health Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 5 years ago.

Hi Kristen,


Thank you so much for your help. I hope one day I can write with the out come.

Take care


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