Hello are you available to chat now?
Sir , I am sorry to hear about this, I have read what you wrote and I can certainly understand your feelings....
who is he going to live with- why them?
I think my oldest sister she kind of likes drama but has no idea what she's getting herself into
Her husband died recently and she has an empty house
Oh my, is she aware of Andy's history?
I tried to text my son this morning and for what ever reason he is in a highly agitated state
Yes she has some knowledge
So, essentially, he is still using and unwilling to take medication?
We know marijuana for sure from tests but suspect other things
and if you could wave a magic wand, what would you like me to tell you or what specific advise do you seek.
like he said before he left...................just want things to be the way they used to be
We will never have a relationship with our son I fear
At this moment in time, you are correct, however, he needs hardcore treatment in a residential treatment program and now that he is 18, unless he is acting in such a way that causes harm to himself or others it is almost impossible to make this happen.
I'm afraid we'll be notified that he was found dead
hate when the phone rings
Of course, that would be the normal expectation however, he is a survivor, is street wise and the call is probably going come from the police that he is in jail.
He is so paranoid anything we say to him he suspects we are out to get him
I have worked with this type for many years and it is only when you have the leverage of the courts, that you can get something done.
In what state do you live?
Minnesota he's living in Iowa somewhere not even sure exactly
He got a small amount charge before he left
one of the doctors strongly suspected meth but never tested positive
I'm sure he's tried everything by now.....
Should he be incarcerated. DO NOT BAIL HIM OUT.
Tried lithium and respridone he had really good results with respridone but won't take it
I paid the ticket he talked me into it
Of course, he has been in control for many years.
respridone was like magic made him reasonable and could see others point of view not so paranoid
He has controlled the house for years yes your right
Well, that is a good thing because he is more likely to receive service for the psychiatric issue vs the drug.
If he is psychotic.........which it sounds as though he is, when you find out where he is, you want to connect with that counties community mental health center.
He was so bad to the human services women here they won't even help if you mention his name it's all over
psychotic that's scary
There are limits but if he is mentally ill, winds up in jail, he can be committed on an involuntary basis.
something happened to provoke him to leave but we'll never know what it was he gave away many of his things I'm guessing to pay debts
thats why I say, if he gets incarcerated, DONT BAIL HIM OUT as this will be the opportunity to have him evaluated and an opportunity for family to appeal to the court for involuntary commitment. He has a hx, diagnosis etc. all this will help. But he will only get better with long term treatment.
I want you to get the best selling book by Melody Beattie, "the language of letting go"
You and your wife need to read it because at this point you have to maintain your sanity and I can tell that you need help with this.
If my wife and I didn't have a bullet proof relationship i think it would have ruined us
I'll tell her the book titles I'm sure she'll buy it
You have to preserve your individual and family mental health. What happens to Andy, is beyond your control
We blame ourselves for this as I'm sure parents do
Anything Melody Beattie has written is a good read. Check her on Amazon.Com
we feel helpless
You are correct, parents always blame themselves , it is natural .........also to feel helpless but
and guilty for all the fighting
sometimes in letting go, you will find that Andy will be cast into a new orbit.
I was always here for my kids used to think I was a pretty good Dad
and some new opportunities for him may emerge to get the treatment you cannot provide. No parent of family could,
You have to acccept that this has nothing to do with being a good dad.
Andy used to say I was the best dad in the whole world..............how does it come to this
this is about an out of control mentally ill person that happens to be your son.
The book I recommended deals with all the feelings you are talking about
I'll get it I'm sure it will help
It will definably help you cope........also get her daily reflections book ,
How do you talk to someone if saying how are you doing starts him on a rant
and remember you can always touch base with me here if you have additional questions.
Answer: You can't because now it is like a foreign language.
my sister getting involved is going to make him feel empowered he will be even worse to us I've seen it before and I feel I should warn her but don't feel like dragging andy down
this has been a long battle it's taken it's toll on everyone here
You need to tell her........she may be the leverage that gets him into care in Iowa.
I can tryk
Forget about Andy in the sense of dragging him down. You have it backwards. He can't get well if you allow him to control
He'll never go back into care willingly
he would have to be forced
He thinks nothings wrong with him and we are all crazy
I feel horrible about making him leave the house but had to consider my other 2 children wasn't fair to them and I could see the affect it was having
the mental health dr at shelter house said that andy has genius IQ so I'm sure you can imagine the havoc a manipulative genius can wreak
I think it is worth considering getting a counselor for yourself/family to deal with this
there are so many feelings that need to be expressed and you may need some help with it.
We had a counselor to work this out when andy was still 17 and at home but andy wouldn't attend and the counselor and I swapped fishing stories
he didn't seem to see a problem here but then he didn't witness how andy could turn things upside down in a heartbeat
Andy used to be a super nice kid, always a little hyper but very likable don't know if drug use spured this on or what but it was a drastic change oh and I didn't mention he lost about 30 pounds in a few weeks
wow......sounds like meth to me.
Find another counselor, if you need referral assistance, I will be happy to assist.
meth is rampant in our little town
many of andy's friends have been busted lately right after he left I look on his cell records and he hasn't talked to anyone from home since he left and I mean not anyone I find this really odd
is it hard to get a positive drug test for meth or not your area
Typically it is not hard to get conclusive testing but it has to come from blood.
At this point, I have move on but I don't want to cut you off if there is anything else that I can answer specifically???
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and feel free to reply with further quesitons'