How JustAnswer Works:

  • Ask an Expert
    Experts are full of valuable knowledge and are ready to help with any question. Credentials confirmed by a Fortune 500 verification firm.
  • Get a Professional Answer
    Via email, text message, or notification as you wait on our site.
    Ask follow up questions if you need to.
  • 100% Satisfaction Guarantee
    Rate the answer you receive.

Ask Kristin Your Own Question

Kristin
Kristin, Mental Health Professional
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 453
Experience:  Licensed Mental Health Counselor. 11+ years specialist in mental health. Expertise and insight!
45544450
Type Your Mental Health Question Here...
Kristin is online now
A new question is answered every 9 seconds

Hello, I have a question about a sister that has a problem

Resolved Question:

Hello, I have a question about a sister that has a problem wanting to be domainering in every situation. I need to know how do I handle this? She is my sister who happened to
marry my husband's brother. I put up with her taking over in our parent's illnesses and death because we have 9 other siblings whom I thought had the same problems that I was experiencing. I guess that was a deeper thing. Then when we went through this with our mother-in-law, I had to get it out. So I express my feelings finally. Now we are facing the same thing with our Father=in-law. She has decided to take the opposite role and do absolutely nothing. I told my husband I plan on doing what I need to do to help but I don't intend to do it all. What is your advise?
Submitted: 3 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Kristin replied 3 years ago.

Hello and thank you for your question.

 

It's important to remind yourself when you feel really frustrated with your sister-in-law that most people have at least one difficult person in their life. It might be the overbearing aunt they only see on holidays, the dominant brother that comes over for Sunday dinners, or the controlling coworker they encounter on a daily basis. Who and how often doesn't matter as much as how to handle them effectively without being beaten up or drained in the process.

Difficult people are wonderful at triggering negative reactions in others, but if viewed from a different perspective, the difficult person can actually teach others how to stand up for themselves and own their inner power.

Notice what emotion gets triggered in the presence of a controlling person. Is it fear, anger, intimidation? Some people feel small and frightened when a person dominates them. Others feel invalidated and angry when controlled. Yet no one can control another or force them to feel anything without some level of permission. In reality, the difficult person is triggering a vulnerable spot or wound in the other individual. This provides an opportunity for healing and growth.

Notice when the reaction of fear, anger or feeling small has happened before. Is there a childhood wound that needs to be addressed? Is this a life pattern? Perhaps the difficult person was placed in your life to teach a valuable lesson?

Is the lesson about overcoming fear or perhaps it's about owning inner power. Discover what would best support you to feel non-reactive in this person's presence.

Try the following tips as a way to handle a controlling person who is overbearing and dominant. Understand their wounds. Underneath controlling, dominant behavior is often a scared, insecure person looking for a way to feel safe. Being in control is a coping mechanism learned from childhood. As you see their wounds, your compassion will support them to feel safe and be less controlling.

Own your power. If there is a tendency to feel small and intimidated around the overbearing person, stand up tall and own your inner power. This doesn't mean trying to dominate or control them as this only leads to power struggles and control games, but to be big and confident within yourself so their is nothing for the other to control.

Communicate honestly. The difficult person may not know how they affect others. Be brave and tell them how their behavior affects you and the relationship. Share your side of things from a calm and neutral perspective, using effective communication skills as a way to shift the dynamic in a controlling relationship. Another way is to communicate from the heart and soul, as it will soften the relationship.

Difficult people can be a handful if not handled carefully. Like unhealthy foods, they need to be taXXXXX XXXXXghtly and minimally. As you practice new ways to own your power with this person, set healthy boundaries around how much time is spent with them.

If your anxiety and panic attacks continue please do seek an appointment with your doctor. Summary is to set very clear boundaries with her. Please click ACCEPT for the help you received. Or, ask for more info. Thank you!

Customer: replied 3 years ago.

I have learned to keep my distance but when we get in these hospital situations that is

very hard to do. My Dr. has sent me to other therapists in this field and that is the best anyone has. So you did good. I am still nervous about this. It has consumed my relationship with all my other siblings on our side and on our husband's side too.

Expert:  Kristin replied 3 years ago.
Yes it is difficult in those particular situations, so keep that in mind going into those, that you are easily triggered there so you are better prepared. Please do click the ACCEPT button, otherwise I'm not paid for my assistance. Thank you.
Customer: replied 3 years ago.

I'm not sure how this works. Do I pay everytime I want to ask a question now that I have

found the site? Thanks again

Expert:  Kristin replied 3 years ago.

Hi,

 

You haven't paid yet, just put in the deposit, and once you click ACCEPT the payment goes through. If you have a subscription, you only pay monthly, if not it's per question.

 

But I haven't been paid for my assistance, until you click on ACCEPT. Thank you!!

Customer: replied 3 years ago.
I am sorry for the inconvience but I thought I clicked the Accept Answer before. Do I click on the same one again and will I be charged again?
Expert:  Kristin replied 3 years ago.

Actually you didn't yet click on the Accept button. So please just click on it and you will only be charged once. Thank you!

Kristin, Mental Health Professional
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 453
Experience: Licensed Mental Health Counselor. 11+ years specialist in mental health. Expertise and insight!
Kristin and other Mental Health Specialists are ready to help you

JustAnswer in the News:

 
 
 
Ask-a-doc Web sites: If you've got a quick question, you can try to get an answer from sites that say they have various specialists on hand to give quick answers... Justanswer.com.
JustAnswer.com...has seen a spike since October in legal questions from readers about layoffs, unemployment and severance.
Web sites like justanswer.com/legal
...leave nothing to chance.
Traffic on JustAnswer rose 14 percent...and had nearly 400,000 page views in 30 days...inquiries related to stress, high blood pressure, drinking and heart pain jumped 33 percent.
Tory Johnson, GMA Workplace Contributor, discusses work-from-home jobs, such as JustAnswer in which verified Experts answer people’s questions.
I will tell you that...the things you have to go through to be an Expert are quite rigorous.
 
 
 

What Customers are Saying:

 
 
 
  • I can go as far as to say it could have resulted in saving my sons life and our entire family now knows what bipolar is and how to assist and understand my most wonderful son, brother and friend to all who loves him dearly. Thank you very much Corrie Moll Pretoria, South Africa
< Last | Next >
  • I can go as far as to say it could have resulted in saving my sons life and our entire family now knows what bipolar is and how to assist and understand my most wonderful son, brother and friend to all who loves him dearly. Thank you very much Corrie Moll Pretoria, South Africa
  • I thank-you so much! It really helped to have this information and confirmation. We will watch her carefully and get her in for the examination and US right away if things do not improve. God bless you as well! Claudia Albuquerque, NM
  • Outstanding response time less than 6 minutes. Answered the question professionally and with a great deal of compassion. Kevin Beaverton, OR
  • Suggested diagnosis was what I hoped and will take this info to my doctor's appointment next week.
    I feel better already! Thank you.
    Elanor Tracy, CA
  • Thank you to the Physician who answered my question today. The answer was far more informative than what I got from the Physicians I saw in person for my problem. Julie Lockesburg, AR
  • You have been more help than you know. I seriously don't know what my sisters situation would be today if you had not gone above and beyond just answering my questions. John and Stefanie Tucson, AZ
  • I have been dealing with an extremely serious health crisis for over three years, and one your physicians asked me more questions, gave me more answers and encouragement than a dozen different doctors who have been treating me!! Janet V Phoenix, AZ
 
 
 

Meet The Experts:

 
 
 
  • Dr. Keane

    Therapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1262
    Clinical Psychology PhD, Licensed Professional Counselor with experience in marriage/family, teens and child psychology.
< Last | Next >
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/DR/Dr.Keane/2013-8-20_204325_drkeane.64x64.jpg Dr. Keane's Avatar

    Dr. Keane

    Therapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1262
    Clinical Psychology PhD, Licensed Professional Counselor with experience in marriage/family, teens and child psychology.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/RE/resolutions66/2011-1-17_05728_IMG8202smilingeditedforJustAnswer.64x64.jpg Elliott, LPCC, NCC's Avatar

    Elliott, LPCC, NCC

    Psychotherapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    5024
    35 years of experience as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, National Certified Counselor and a college professor.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/formybunch/2010-12-06_191055_img_0975.jpg Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC's Avatar

    Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC

    Therapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    3733
    Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/DR/DrAkiraOlsen/2012-2-20_746_AkiraADpicmain.64x64.jpg Dr. Olsen's Avatar

    Dr. Olsen

    Psychologist

    Satisfied Customers:

    2336
    PsyD Psychologist
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/norriem/2009-5-27_134249_nm.jpg Norman M.'s Avatar

    Norman M.

    Psychotherapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    2193
    UK trained in hypnotherapy, counselling and psychotherapy and have been in private practice. ADHP(NC), DEHP(NC), UKCP Registered and ECP.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/PsychologyProf/2010-07-15_171248_logos060400409.jpg Dr. Michael's Avatar

    Dr. Michael

    Psychologist

    Satisfied Customers:

    2177
    Licensed Ph.D. Clinical Health Psychology with 30 years of experience in private practive and as a clinical psychology university professor.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/KURTEMMERLING/2010-07-23_215531_just_ask_picture1.jpg Steven Olsen's Avatar

    Steven Olsen

    Therapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1727
    More than twenty years of expertise in counseling, psychological diagnosis and education