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Karyn Jones
Karyn Jones, Mental Health Professional
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 1716
Experience:  Diploma of Counselling and Transactional Analysis Counselling, Lifeline counselling, Pastoral Care.
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What questions do I need to ask myself and my boyfriend of

Resolved Question:

What questions do I need to ask myself and my boyfriend of 3 years (also best-friend of 14 years) if I don't feel as attracted to him anymore?
Submitted: 6 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Karyn Jones replied 6 years ago.
Hello, my name is XXXXX XXXXX you for bringing your very real concerns to Just Answer.Please know before I continue on with my reply to you that I am indeed truly sorry to hear of your having to go through such a terrible ordeal as that of sexual assault and anxiety issues as a easy time for you..
I suspect the sexual assault you have endured and anxiety have much to do with your experiencing 'low sex drive' and that low sex drive could indeed be in part a result of 'PTSD.. Post Traumatic Stress Dis-order..(Though, I am not sure if you have had any treatment for this in the past)..what I am saying is that of the symptomatic behaviour posed by PTSD ( fear, anxiety, depression )and that of the sexual assault that you have endured can have a very large bearing upon you psychologically/emotionally/physically
that is also 'if' you haven't or aren't presently receiving help by way of a therapy or Counselling you through your issues.

Hence, being a victim of sexual assault and is often the case that one can /does have a difficult time experiencing physical intimacy...and its no wonder with regards XXXXX XXXXX you have been exposed to. Please be encouraged to take the time you need to let your body and mind heal, and don't despair -- many people have been able to have a healthy sexual relationship even after such a horrible ordeal; with understanding/care/patience/love counseling, and time, you can be one of them. But do take as much time as you need...and don't let anyone (including yourself/boyfriend) pressure you into becoming intimate again until you're you have been through much.
On the other hand if you believe you can't work this out with your current boyfriend with regards XXXXX XXXXX in your sex life..( and that you really believe that you are 'ready' to continue on in your sexual relationship) the questions you could ask yourself would be by way of:
What is it about my boyfriend that I don't find attractive anymore?
Why doesn't he 'turn me on any more' and what turned me on about him when we first got together? ..Is it just him I feel not attracted to or is it just how I'm feeling at the moment in myself? Do I feel under pressure to perform for him ? and if I do why do I feel this way? deep down have I always seen him as a friend and not my lover ? if so why?
Has he ever truly excited me in the bedroom? why do I find I am not getting excited by him anymore?
These are vital questions to be asking yourself write down the answers when you have time alone to think about them....Meantime, I do hope that you get the help/support/patience you will need to recover fully from your trauma..(Therapist Mental health dept) please know that my thoughts are with you' and if my response has been of help to you please 'accept' it as it does help to keep this valuable service going for you and others in the future.
Blessings/ Best wishes
Karen....S (ProfClinicalDipCounBmin).
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