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Mina
Mina, Clinical Psychologist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 188
Experience:  Working as a Highly Specialist Clinical Psychologist in NHS. Experience in both children and adults
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Hello, I have just run away from a patient. I am not a doctor,

Customer Question

Hello, I have just run away from a patient. I am not a doctor, just a volunteer. I was there for a month in a motel next door to a chronic Lyme Disease patient and her flatmate. I drove her around, and paid for all the groceries and meals ( 90% of). I also paid for medicines and other aids, a stoll, light bulbs and a new laptop. I never agreed to enter a financial obligation to them as a volunteer. I read her passages about divine healing which she tried to believe before I got there. I paid for the flatmates car registration and other bits and pieces not to mention my accommodation next door. I felt increasingly frustrated when I realised the degree of emotional manipulation that was destroying the flatmate who has been stuck with her for two years at huge expense to his independance. It is infact a horrible codependant relationship. I started waking up at 2am in the mornings and busting to get on a plane and escape. One of her text messages managed to get me to leave the terminal after check in an return to them by an very indirect question, "did you get a plane?". Somehow it manipulated me, always to the tune of her problem is worse than mine or the flatmates. He was very confsued between his need to be a caregiving servant and his need to go home, but seemed endlessly trapped by the manipulations. After a month I started to feel his same pain, her hooks were incredible. A cute 26 year old, pathetic victim of an insideous tick borne infection. Chronic fatigue, avoiding light, always in pain, sometimes happy and cheerful, but avoids direct objective communication about anything. It was spell binding. My conscience was concerned about her illegal status as on overstayer, surely the lowest priority but a a risk none the less to her landlord and flatmate as well. The local doctor gave me a notice to return home to see my doctor for an long time untreated condition of Bipolar II and speculated ADHD. This notice was not taken seriously by either of them because they though I just needed love of thier own religious kind.(!) In the end this was not love, it was manipulation and extortion thinly disgiused by religioon, both theirs and mine because I thought it was a good thing to keep shedding my cash for them. The whole things started with no stated boundaries, no thought for objective matters of concern, ( e.g., where are her parants?) and ended up fighting for my sanity by fleeing at 2am to the airport. I want to know if I am a selfish bastard if I can put it that way, or if infact my conscience is dicating properly to me for appropriate behaviour. I felt suddenly hostile and thought it was not wise to communicate to either of them until I got home. She is too weak emotionally and I dont have a diplomatic posture when I am frustrated and hostile. The manipulative words woke me feeling crazy and almost breaking furniture on more then three occasions. Perhaps its my fault for over giving and my passive aggresive ways expecting something back ,like rational discussion, but I could never find it there. Thanks for your help.
Submitted: 3 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Mina replied 3 years ago.
Hello,

I would definitely agree with your friends that tell you to go home. You have been feeling hostile as part of you understands the manipulation against you. And this is good. This lady appears to have serious psychological problems and she presents with traits of personality disorder. I have worked with Chronic Fatigue patients and I have seen the magnitude of psychopathology that some of these patients have. This is so hard to treat and you are not in a position to treat her. Also your actions merely reinforce her thoughts, feelings, attitude and behavior towards you showing you helplessness on order to elicit feelings of pity from you. So far she has managed to get you to support all her needs practical and emotional. She appears to be using and abusing you and I am afraid that this will not stop unless you put a stop to it.

You on the other hand seem to be insightful regarding your own issues with pleasing other people and possibly being passive aggressive. Therefore, you might need to think what you have been gaining from this relationship so far. What has been your motivation into sustaining this manipulative relationship. Is it the feeling that you are helping and therefore you are needed? Is it that you feel and think very low of yourself and think that you deserve this treatment?This is something that you need to work on as it is likely that even if you distanced yourself form this relationship, you will find yourself in a similar on later on.

I would suggest that you thought about your motives in this relationship and try and understand where the problem lies. You seem a very insightful person and therefore I would strongly encourage you to engage with a psychologist/therapist to explore this about yourself. The money that you would spend for this would be much more worth the while.

I hope that helps

All the best

Mina
Mina, Clinical Psychologist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 188
Experience: Working as a Highly Specialist Clinical Psychologist in NHS. Experience in both children and adults
Mina and 3 other Mental Health Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 3 years ago.

Thanks Mina, I am so grateful for your answer. I have just landed back in Australia and was wondering if I am going to regret not being there for them until the end of my visa - another two weeks. I breathe a sigh a of relief for considerate and rational response with evidence as to what I suspected - some serious pathological issues to do with it. I will definately seek a good psychologist, this has gone on long enough!

So thats my short thank you. Really am grateful, because it was an occasion of trusting my gut feeling when my head told me to stay. I think I have demonstared to her faltmate what he needs to do and I will pass this reply on to him ( without names, and webiste etc.)

Expert:  Mina replied 3 years ago.
Happy to be of help. I am sure that you did the right thing.

Now you need to look after yourself.

Thank you for the bonus and I wish you all the best

Mina
Expert:  Mina replied 3 years ago.
You asked in your feedback about the NHS. This stands for is the National Health Service in the United Kingdom

take care

Mina

Edited by Mina on 10/30/2010 at 10:51 PM EST

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