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Mina
Mina, Clinical Psychologist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 188
Experience:  Working as a Highly Specialist Clinical Psychologist in NHS. Experience in both children and adults
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i caught my husband masterbating to internet porn last night.

Resolved Question:

i caught my husband masterbating to internet porn last night. i feel like im not good enough for him now, im really disgusted with him and need some advice on how to handle the situation. im very hurt by his actions, feel that i cant trust him anymore, and it makes me sick to my stomach to even think about the situation!! what should i do?
Submitted: 6 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Mina replied 6 years ago.

Hello,

 

sexual expression can involve very complicated feelings. I understand your strong negative attitude towards this. However, I would suggest that when you feel calmer about it to have a discussion with your husband basically trying to listen and understand his reasons for this.

 

Masturbation is regarded to be a natural and normal form of sexual expression as it can give a temporary release from stress and tension. However, this can also become a habit that encourages loneliness if it happens on a regular basis. Obviously one should consider the frequency of it and its purpose. I do understand that you now feel rejected but I would encourage you to find out a bit more before you take this so personally. There could be many different reasons why someone would masturbate such as prohibited fantasies that the person finds difficult to express to his/her partner, unavailability of the partner, difficulty expressing desire to partner, temporary tension release or more persistent sexual problems that are difficult to discuss with partner.

 

You could try and open up a discussion around your sex life and whether this is satisfying to both of you. Bare also in mind though that your partner may already feel quite embarrassed by the fact that he was caught. So you may need to make extra effort to show that you are willing to understand his needs. I would not necessarily focus on this much more further than a discussion, especially if this is a rare occasion as this can induce guilt to your partner and affect his sexual expression towards you. Keep in mind that masturbation does not necessarily have to mean anything about the partner as it is a quite personal need.

 

Feel free to express your feelings towards him but also be willing to understand him without criticizing him.

 

I hope that helps

 

Please feel free to share any feedback on these thoughts

 

Mina

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