do you answer relationship questions?
My husband and I have been together 6 years (married for 4) since we were 39 (his second marriage, my first). He has 3 older kids 16, 19, 22. He has always loved me very much (and people have often commented) but I probably took it for granted and have lost a bit of respect in the past few months for him not making an effort around the home etc and wanting to only watch TV. I realised he felt a little shaky about our relationship in early August and although he's very bad at talking through problems, did
say that he thought i was seeing someone else. Probably because of my attitude shift. (He now says its not that, but doesn't know what the problem is) I said I wasn't seeing someone else but since then I have shown signs of weakness and have kept asking if we'll be ok and if he wants to stay together etc and I can see this has made him retreat even more. I'm usually quite forthright, almost bossy and I think he's always quite liked that. We've always make each other laugh. Having shown weakness to him, he has begun to not answer my calls etc, which is very hard for me. He has only been out late on one evening and nothing more than that but I worry he's going to leave me for someone else. My problem is I don't know how to behave right now. I'm trying not to show weakness and be my usual self but its proving difficult. I want us to stay together, because i love him. Yesterday I suggested he go to see his son at university as it was his birthday (i don't see his kids, we thought it best until his financial dealings with ex wife are finally resolved, when youngest child is 18) and he went, saying he'd be back at 2pm and got back at 7pm, I was calm, he said he'd not do that again, but clearly, in the past 8 weeks the relationship has changed so dramatically that I can hardly contain my weakness and neither of us at this stage want to leave this house, so I feel that if I'm not careful I'll end up like one of these women who's husband goes out all the time and I'm just left behind. (We have no children). I just would like to know how to behave in order to keep us together. He says he doesn't want us to split up, but that he knows things aren't right and realises that if it doesn't improve we'll split up and says his love is 'different' now. But I worry its just a matter of time, if I dont behave in the right way. It seems significant to me that it is only really since I showed weakness that things turned so bad. He says he is making an effort in the relationship and in the last week I have noticed it a little bit (e.g in answering my calls a little more - I only call 2 or 3 times each day - like we always have done), and last weekend I made the effort to be cheerful and it did seem to pay off, but his efforts are still not enough for me to be sure he wants us to stay together and isn't just merely waiting for the time when he can meet someone else and leave (he's the type who would prefer to meet someone else before leaving, rather than live alone). So, although I know that I need to remain cheerful and bubbly as I usually am, I really am struggling right now, to do that, because of the way our relationship has changed so much. We do own another house which we are waiting to sell to pay off some debts which probably plays on both of our minds, but I'm certain its not just that, although we agree it may have some bearing. But fundamentally, I just don't know how to behave to improve things. We used to text 'i love you' quite frequently but now if I do it, i get nothing back, so I have stopped. My fear is that if I stop contacting him or even go and stay at a friends for a week, that will signal the very end of what has always been a very loving relationship. I don't know if always being there is hindering our relationship and if I should be going out more - but of course i'm scared that if I go out (as Im supposed to do next week from work) he'll go out on a bender too, so I feel scared to go out. In the past he'd be happy to come home if I went out from work. So I simply don't know how to behave at the moment. Please help!