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I am sorry to hear about the problems you are experiencing with your roommate. It sounds as if it is time to sit down together and have a problem solving meeting. If you are frustrated by this there is a good chance that he may be feeling the tension too. Talking things through by focusing on the practical issues rather than making it personal will help both of you to keep from taking things too personally. Starting the meeting with the positives, including how much you value your relationship together, will help to set the tone. Writing down the problems and the possible solutions can be quite helpful. Having this meeting at a restaurant or other public place could ensure that both of you are on your best behavior (if you are afraid of tempers rising).
I hope this answer is helpful. Please let me know if I can clarify further.
Thank you for the additional information. Remember that nothing will be worked out when tempers rise. It can be very helpful to set a rule that you can both use "time out" when you become angry. This could involve walking away and writing an angry letter about what is going on that. Be careful to shred this letter since it will not be helpful to share with each other. After venting this anger you may be more ready to talk about the problem, or to write a letter that your roommate could hear in a productive way. Another helpful technique is to catch the behaviors that you want to see more of and let him know how much you appreciate them. Remember that resentment that has built up over time will take some time to heal. Good luck with this difficult issue. Please let me know if I can be of further help.
It sounds as if you have tried many different ways to deal with these issues. One thing I would add is that it seems that you have been doing quite a bit of work about this roommate relationship. In order for this to be a healthy relationship, we would expect your roommate to do a relatively equal amount of work (if you balance it out over time) and take responsibility for changing to make the relationship work. This may be one way to evaluate if someone is committed to a relationship and to changing in order to make the relationship work. You may need to consider whether he is willing to work on these issues or whether it may be time to consider ending the roommate relationship in order to have a chance at saving the friendship.