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Lori Gephart
Lori Gephart, Licensed Psychologist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 259
Experience:  Licensed Psychologist and Hypnotherapist 20 years of experience helping clients of all ages.
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He says he loves me but since we moved back to Texas home

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He says he loves me but since we moved back to Texas "home" from VA, where we were for 10 years, things have gone to hell. He is in contact with all of his friends including old exes. He lies about talking to them. I am just so confused and lost. I feel like I have sacrificed my family to move home to be with my daddy and his mama. For 10 years we never fought and hardly ever disagreed and now, it's all the time....I don't know what to do. I know that I will not live like this from now on...What are the signs that he no longer loves me although it's so obvious...He denies any change in himself, says it's all me. I have caught him in 3 lies and he still denies the whole thing. I hate being lied to with a passion. It just insult to injury...thanks for any insight into this. I have tried the books online and the sweetness and all that....to no avail....
Submitted: 6 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Lori Gephart replied 6 years ago.

Thank you for contacting JustAnswer.

 

I am sorry to hear about the problems you are experiencing in your relationship. Remember that love is a verb. Simply telling someone you love them is not love; it requires acting in a consistently loving way. You may want to ask yourself whether this man is acting in a loving way to you. If not, then remind yourself that you deserve to be loved and treated with respect. Start by treating yourself this way.

 

Lies and denial are definitely signs of problems. Marital therapy may be helpful at this point to evaluate whether there are ways to improve the relationship.

 

One thing I would add is that it seems that you have been doing quite a bit of emotional work about this relationship. In order for this to be a healthy relationship, we would expect your partner to do a relatively equal amount of emotional work (if you balance it out over time). This may be one way to evaluate if someone is committed to a relationship and to changing in order to make the relationship work. You deserve someone who will put the work into the relationship as well, since it takes two people to make it work. Also, I definitely believe in trusting your gut. It is often a very good indicator of red flags that should not be ignored. Feelings of love tend to be very irrational, while the gut is a good barometer of danger, both physical and emotional. I hope this answer is helpful. Please let me know if I can clarify further.

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