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Sarah
Sarah, Psychologist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 143
Experience:  Chart'd Psych, 12 yrs exp. English prisons, Clinical Hypnotherapist, EMDR Therapist, BPS, HPC reg'd.
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My worst reoccuring dream is of our car crashing into a deep

Customer Question

My worst reoccuring dream is of our car crashing into a deep canal. I look at my husband who is unconscious in the passanger seat. I look in the back seat at my 3 children (age 26,22,19) but they are small children in my dream. They are all buckled in. I am trying to save all three kids. I replay the dream over and over trying to come out of the car, saving all three children. Each time failing.
Submitted: 3 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Dr. Shirley Schaye replied 3 years ago.

Dr. Shirley Schaye :

Thank you for contacting Just Answer. What associations come to your mind about the dream?

Dr. Shirley Schaye :

Tell me all your thoughts that come to your mind when you have this dream.

Dr. Shirley Schaye :

I see that you are not online now. I'll be at a meeting this evening. When I get back I'll check back to see what you have written and respond then.

Customer :

I don't see a reply from you.

Customer :

" is not a reply. Not accepted.

Dr. Shirley Schaye :

Of course not. Perhaps you need to educate yourself about how one interprets dreams. One cannot interpret a dream without a person's associations to the dream. I am a psychoanalyst and my daily work life is made up of interpreting dreams. You don't have any understanding how a dream is interpreted. Sorry!

Customer :

If I had an understanding of how a dream is interpreted, I would not have asked for help, and no, someone needs to educate you. That was rude, unprofessional, and uncalled for. The only thing that showed up on my computer from you was ". Your 3 answers that I see today, were not available to view at the time I replied. I tried to relay, to you, that I could not see an answer. I assumed it was a computer error. I will deny the deposit paid with my credit card to Just Answer. I will contact Just Answer to let them know exactly how you handle their clients. I am a business person and I would never treat someone with that type of disrespect.

Customer :

I gave you an indication of what goes through my mind. In my dream, I am trying to figure out a way to save all of my kids, at the same time, by myself. That is my interpretation of my dream and my life. I was hoping to receive an answer from a professional giving me more information than what is obvious.

Customer :

If one of my employees acted as Dr. Shirley Schaye did, I would fire them on the spot.

Expert:  Sarah replied 3 years ago.
Hi Customer,

I offer this answer only as an interpretation of your dream - obviously it is not meant to be a representation of your true life. Only you can decide whether or not it represents your reality. My initial analysis of the dream would be that you are feeling responsible for your three children's journey's through life, without your husband taking his fair share in this responsibility. He is present, but ineffective. He is not taking the role that you would expect him to take. Your children have been strapped in, so practical care is present, either from yourself and/or your husband. I see that your children are now 26, 22 and 19, so if you are still having this dream, maybe you are concerned that you or your husband didn't give your children the care that they needed when they were small, sufficient to see them through adult life? Maybe your husband had to work a lot, or maybe he has been emotionally absent from them? It seems that you are feeling out of your depth (hence the deep canal) either in the past or now. I would love to know whether any of this rings true for you? Best Wishes, Sarah
Sarah, Psychologist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 143
Experience: Chart'd Psych, 12 yrs exp. English prisons, Clinical Hypnotherapist, EMDR Therapist, BPS, HPC reg'd.
Sarah and other Mental Health Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 3 years ago.
Thank you Sarah. My husband is an alcoholic/pain med addict and was abusive when the kids were younger. He has a big heart and has given them some very wonderful, special experiences and memories, and they all know that he loves them dearly. He does not remember most of the bad times because he was drunk or over medicated. I have done too much for the kids and given them too much, because I am trying to make up for the hurtful parts of their relationship with their father. I want their lives to be as easy and happy as possible. In the process, I denied them the healthy growth process of learning independance, responsibility, pride in their accomplishments, etc... I have been overprotective with the kids because I am fearful of something bad happening to them. I lost my dad when I was 16 (drowning). I took my eyes off of him for a few minutes and he disappeared in the water. So I hover over my kids even now as they are adults. My kids all feel like nothing they do is ever good enough. My kids all have insecurity and self image problems. I am an enabler and caregiver. I am constantly taking care of the needs of my family and business which leaves no time for myself. I don't have time for friends, relaxation, or even the basic necessities such as hair cuts or going to the doctor for myself. I put the kids first in everything because I was a bad mother for not kicking their father out years ago. I was afraid and stupid, thinking he would change. I have alot of anger and resentment towards my husband because I have had to be his nurse and secretary for the last 10 years. He is selfish and demanding and impatient. He has a special side of him that no man or father could possibly match. Then there is the other side of him which we all hate.
Expert:  Sarah replied 3 years ago.
Thanks for the details, your subconscious mind is trying to process this distress away for you, as we do process our anxieties away in REM sleep, rapid eye movement sleep. Sometimes when we have experienced a highly emotional experience (of which, being there when your dad drowns when you are only 16 is an example), then the subconscious mind is unable to process these stressors away, because they are too much, too emotional, too traumatic. This can cause nightmares and/or night terrors, whilst the subconscious tries very hard to process the emotions away. It is possible for a person to find an EMDR therapist, which stands for Eye Movement Desensitisation and Reprocessing, and this therapy simulates REM sleep, allowing the person to let go of the emotional turmoil that exists with the memories. The memories are enabled To fall back in time, instead of being so real and 'as if they were yesterday'. You have a very good insight into the potential harm that your over protectiveness is causing to your children (young adults) (maybe the straps in the car represent their helplessness) and perhaps now would be a very good time to do all of you a favour by being very strong and finding time for yourself, going to the hairdresser, the Doctor if you need to and finding yourself a therapist. Of course your children will still be concerned about you, but they should respond very positively is they see that you can take care of yourself better than you are doing, instead of watching their every move. It makes perfect sense that you have watched over them very carefully, and you should congratulate yourself for being so attentive, however, you know now that it is time to let go and allow them to fly the nest. I always think that if you leave the cage door open, then the young chicks will always return in the future as beautiful birds, yet if you keep it firmly shut, they might take flight and never return at the first opportunity they get, as they are not sure when the opportunity will come again. It sounds like they may be afraid to leave the nest and your helplessness will be keeping them close. That is the power of your subconscious mind- it encourages you to be appear helpless so they will stay close, then you know that they are safe. But you also know that they could be miserable and need to fly in order to be capable when you are no longer with them. Please take the time to think carefully about finding yourself someone to help you - a hypnotherapist will be able to help you, as would an EMDR therapist. Have a look on www.emdr.org for more details and a therapist local to you. If you need more encouragement and can't do it for yourself, do it for your children, it might be the best gift you can give them. You have been very brave and have dealt with a lot in your time, I wouldn't expect you to be able to turn this around by yourself, I hope you can find it within you to reach out to someone to help you as you have done by contacting this site. With very best wishes, Sarah
Sarah, Psychologist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 143
Experience: Chart'd Psych, 12 yrs exp. English prisons, Clinical Hypnotherapist, EMDR Therapist, BPS, HPC reg'd.
Sarah and other Mental Health Specialists are ready to help you

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