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Lori Gephart
Lori Gephart, Licensed Psychologist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 259
Experience:  Licensed Psychologist and Hypnotherapist 20 years of experience helping clients of all ages.
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My mother told me a couple of years before she died that no

Customer Question

My mother told me a couple of years before she died that "no one likes you" meaning my siblings? I was in complete shock and it has affected my relationships with my 8 sibs. Do I just need to get over it. I still have feelings of resentment towards my mom and she has been dead since 1991. I thought I had forgiven her but this keeps popping up.She wasn't ill when she said this.
Submitted: 4 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Lori Gephart replied 4 years ago.

Thank you for contacting JustAnswer.

 

I am sorry to hear about the problems you are experiencing. It is unfortunate that your mother told you such a hurtful statement. It is difficult to know if this was something that she had evidence of (whether all of your siblings had in fact stated that they didn't like you) or if this was something that she said out of anger, hurt, jealousy, resentment, etc. Whatever her reasons, this is something that has happened and cannot be changed. Now it is time to work on forgiving her for this. Forgiveness is a choice that is for you. Holding resentment for her will only hurt you.

 

It is important to examine whether your siblings do indeed treat you as if they don't like you. If you determine that they do act as if they don't like you, then you may want to examine whether their behavior may be in response to you being defensive, or if they are indeed attacking you. Many families have conflicts, but underneath it all they still love each other. Could this be the case in your family?

 

No matter what, the most important thing is for you to be sure to work on liking yourself and giving yourself unconditional love. This is the one thing you can control.

 

I hope this answer is helpful. Please let me know if I can clarify further.

Customer: replied 4 years ago.

Thank you for your answer. I am the eldest child of 8 girls and 1 boy. I have realized and accept that my mother was most always hostile towards me. My dad was an alcoholic but he was supportive of school, etc. and very proud of my graduation from high school. My mother showed no interest, whatsoever. I realize I did not really have a childhood to speak of. Role reversal was rampant and I quit school in 11th grade to take care of the family when my mother had an accident that left her severely injured. I went back to school the next year and found many new friends.

Expert:  Lori Gephart replied 4 years ago.

Thank you for sharing this information. It sounds as if your mother may not have been the most credible source of information about yourself and how your siblings really feel about you. If there was any resentment from your siblings, it may have been more because you were placed in the parent role to them than it being anything about you as a parent.

 

Since you didn't get the unconditional love that you deserved as a child, now is the time for you to begin to re parent yourself and begin to give yourself this unconditional love. Give yourself credit for surviving your childhood and for doing everything that you did. Going back to school and finding new friends suggests that you are resilient. Use this to your advantage. Please let me know if I can be of further help.

Lori Gephart, Licensed Psychologist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 259
Experience: Licensed Psychologist and Hypnotherapist 20 years of experience helping clients of all ages.
Lori Gephart and 3 other Mental Health Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 4 years ago.

Thank you. I still see my high school friends and I am now 68. I have been blessed but do wish my sibs would show me more respect, just as I do when I see them. I am not defensive with them but recognize the "chip on the shoulder" demeanor in them. Uncomfortable for me so I am glad I have so many friends.

Expert:  Lori Gephart replied 4 years ago.

It sounds as if you have made many good friendships over the years. While you can't make your siblings behave more respectfully, XXXXX XXXXX respect toward them can become contagious. If not, you may be able to set boundaries with them or limit your time with them. Perhaps what they missed in their childhood may be interfering with their ability to be respectful and supportive toward you. Please press accept if this answer has been helpful to you. Good luck with this.

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