How JustAnswer Works:

  • Ask an Expert
    Experts are full of valuable knowledge and are ready to help with any question. Credentials confirmed by a Fortune 500 verification firm.
  • Get a Professional Answer
    Via email, text message, or notification as you wait on our site.
    Ask follow up questions if you need to.
  • 100% Satisfaction Guarantee
    Rate the answer you receive.

Ask Dr. K Your Own Question

Dr. K
Dr. K, Psychiatrist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 357
Experience:  15 years clinical experience in all areas of psychiatry. Holistic and practical approach.
50493013
Type Your Mental Health Question Here...
Dr. K is online now
A new question is answered every 9 seconds

My daughter sent a naked picture of herself by cell phone to

Resolved Question:

My daughter sent a naked picture of herself by cell phone to her "boyfriend" per his request. She is 14, he is 16. We have taken away her texting and messaging priviledges on her phone. Should we make them break up now that it has taken this turn? Because of her age, they are not allowed to go on alone dates before this incident happened. How can we trust them to do the right thing? Should I confront the boyfriend asking for proof that the pics are deleted? (which is what he told my daughter) What else can we do?
Submitted: 4 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Dr. K replied 4 years ago.

This is a difficult & tricky situation. On the one hand, you want to set limits for her especially for unacceptable behaviors. On the other hand, she is becoming a young adult, and you have to respect the fact that she will be making her own decisions over time...regardless of whether they are good ones.

 

The main thing to do is try to establish a dialog with her. You want to know about her relationship with him. You want to know about her thoughts, feelings, and opinions on sexuality. Even if you think she should wait till she's 18 or married to have sex, she may not agree. I assume when you want to "trust them to do the right thing" you mean not having sex or going to quickly physically.

 

But you are not best friends, you are parent/child. This dialog can be hard to establish openly at your daughter's age...especially because it is a normal part of development for people her age to start connecting more with their peer group than their parents.

 

The down side of forcing a break up is that it may make things worse. She may then start to see him behind your back & lie to you about it. I think you are better off acknowledging her choices in life, but leaving certain limits. For example, they can go to dinner and see a movie, but most be back by a certain time.

 

Or he can come over to spend time with her in the house...where you will be in the other room (giving them some privacy but also able to keep an eye on them).

 

Consider offering her the chance to see a therapist if she needs an objective adult to talk to, or see one together as a family (this is good because it sends the message "Let's work on our problems & communication as a family" instead of "You are misbehaving...you have a problem...go see a professional to fix it.")

 

I hope this helps. Let me know if you have other questions.

 

Customer: replied 4 years ago.
Good advice, thank you! I have already decided to have all of us see a counselor on this topic . What is an acceptable time to leave the texting and picture messaging off her phone? I thought of adding it back very slowly with only us approving who she adds back on. Is this a good way to handle it?
Expert:  Dr. K replied 4 years ago.

There is no write or wrong answer here. In general, the punishment should fit the crime...I think between 1-3 weeks would seem fair...although keep in mind 1-3 minutes may not seem fair to her (and 1-3 weeks may seem like a lifetime to her).

 

On the one hand I agree with slowly approving whom she can contact, on the other hand this risks another power struggle between you guys...again it's a tricky balance of needing to avoid power struggles, and yet you still do maintain some authority...you're the parents who pay the bills...when she turns 18 and supports herself she can do as she pleases.

 

Another option would be to no restrict whom she can contact; if you have the ability to review her texts every week to make sure there is no inappropriate content, that would make this a better option. And you could reserve the restrictions should something else happen down the road.

 

Dr. K, Psychiatrist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 357
Experience: 15 years clinical experience in all areas of psychiatry. Holistic and practical approach.
Dr. K and 2 other Mental Health Specialists are ready to help you

JustAnswer in the News:

 
 
 
Ask-a-doc Web sites: If you've got a quick question, you can try to get an answer from sites that say they have various specialists on hand to give quick answers... Justanswer.com.
JustAnswer.com...has seen a spike since October in legal questions from readers about layoffs, unemployment and severance.
Web sites like justanswer.com/legal
...leave nothing to chance.
Traffic on JustAnswer rose 14 percent...and had nearly 400,000 page views in 30 days...inquiries related to stress, high blood pressure, drinking and heart pain jumped 33 percent.
Tory Johnson, GMA Workplace Contributor, discusses work-from-home jobs, such as JustAnswer in which verified Experts answer people’s questions.
I will tell you that...the things you have to go through to be an Expert are quite rigorous.
 
 
 

What Customers are Saying:

 
 
 
  • I can go as far as to say it could have resulted in saving my sons life and our entire family now knows what bipolar is and how to assist and understand my most wonderful son, brother and friend to all who loves him dearly. Thank you very much Corrie Moll Pretoria, South Africa
< Last | Next >
  • I can go as far as to say it could have resulted in saving my sons life and our entire family now knows what bipolar is and how to assist and understand my most wonderful son, brother and friend to all who loves him dearly. Thank you very much Corrie Moll Pretoria, South Africa
  • I thank-you so much! It really helped to have this information and confirmation. We will watch her carefully and get her in for the examination and US right away if things do not improve. God bless you as well! Claudia Albuquerque, NM
  • Outstanding response time less than 6 minutes. Answered the question professionally and with a great deal of compassion. Kevin Beaverton, OR
  • Suggested diagnosis was what I hoped and will take this info to my doctor's appointment next week.
    I feel better already! Thank you.
    Elanor Tracy, CA
  • Thank you to the Physician who answered my question today. The answer was far more informative than what I got from the Physicians I saw in person for my problem. Julie Lockesburg, AR
  • You have been more help than you know. I seriously don't know what my sisters situation would be today if you had not gone above and beyond just answering my questions. John and Stefanie Tucson, AZ
  • I have been dealing with an extremely serious health crisis for over three years, and one your physicians asked me more questions, gave me more answers and encouragement than a dozen different doctors who have been treating me!! Janet V Phoenix, AZ
 
 
 

Meet The Experts:

 
 
 
  • Dr. Keane

    Therapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1262
    Clinical Psychology PhD, Licensed Professional Counselor with experience in marriage/family, teens and child psychology.
< Last | Next >
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/DR/Dr.Keane/2013-8-20_204325_drkeane.64x64.jpg Dr. Keane's Avatar

    Dr. Keane

    Therapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1262
    Clinical Psychology PhD, Licensed Professional Counselor with experience in marriage/family, teens and child psychology.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/RE/resolutions66/2011-1-17_05728_IMG8202smilingeditedforJustAnswer.64x64.jpg Elliott, LPCC, NCC's Avatar

    Elliott, LPCC, NCC

    Psychotherapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    5024
    35 years of experience as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, National Certified Counselor and a college professor.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/formybunch/2010-12-06_191055_img_0975.jpg Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC's Avatar

    Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC

    Therapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    3733
    Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/DR/DrAkiraOlsen/2012-2-20_746_AkiraADpicmain.64x64.jpg Dr. Olsen's Avatar

    Dr. Olsen

    Psychologist

    Satisfied Customers:

    2336
    PsyD Psychologist
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/norriem/2009-5-27_134249_nm.jpg Norman M.'s Avatar

    Norman M.

    Psychotherapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    2193
    UK trained in hypnotherapy, counselling and psychotherapy and have been in private practice. ADHP(NC), DEHP(NC), UKCP Registered and ECP.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/PsychologyProf/2010-07-15_171248_logos060400409.jpg Dr. Michael's Avatar

    Dr. Michael

    Psychologist

    Satisfied Customers:

    2177
    Licensed Ph.D. Clinical Health Psychology with 30 years of experience in private practive and as a clinical psychology university professor.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/KURTEMMERLING/2010-07-23_215531_just_ask_picture1.jpg Steven Olsen's Avatar

    Steven Olsen

    Therapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1727
    More than twenty years of expertise in counseling, psychological diagnosis and education
 
 
 

Related Mental Health Questions