Hello, my name is XXXXX XXXXX you for bringing you very 'real' concerns with regards XXXXX XXXXX son/his partner/financial circumstances.
Before I continue on with my reply I truly want to say how sorry I am to hear of this happening with regards XXXXX XXXXX and can understand completely the great distress/anguish it must be causing you and your whole family.
This is a very difficult situation indeed and can understand the great delicacy of it..Sadly there is no easy road here...on the one hand (I suspect) that if you don't accept your son's girlfriend ( child and all) then you could well lose that loving caring special connection with him as a result..( which sounds to me as though this is beginning to become a reality ) yet on the other hand if you do accept his girlfriend you probably feel as though you are condoning her behaviour by way of the use of your sons finances..and his affections for her...
No easy road to venture down ...but it seems a road that your son is prepared to go down not only financially but also emotionally with this girl...( who is to say where that road will take him ) quiet possibly heartache/anger/resentment/hurt...at being used or allowing himself to be used ( if this is indeed the case) or a brighter road... yet its one he has chosen to take...no matter the cost .
I believe that it was your right for you & your other sons to express their/your concerns and non-acceptance of this girl right from the start to your son ( their brother) to at least get it off your chest ...yet said with love/care and concern for him...( it is good to have honored your feelings and what you believe is the truth with regards XXXXX XXXXX with this girl and her 5 year old boy)..
Nevertheless, your son it seems would want to experience this relationship to the maxim..and all I can say is..that should he come tumbling down ..I'm sure he would like to know if you & his brothers will still be there for him...( because like you I have no doubt as to the crushing pain and humiliation he would feel )..should this happen.
I think what he is seeking presently is your 'unconditional love' and approval ..what you could express to him or confirm is that of your unconditional love for him. ( if you chose to do so) ..but unconditional approval at his expense might prove very difficult for you under the circumstances...because you love him and care about him...but that you don't want to lose his love/affections as a result...this he might well need to know. That way he knows and is aware of how you feel ..though, I would leave it there at that and not push it anymore but keep the door open to communication/support
& continue to see him/acknowledge his girlfriend ( that doesn't have to mean you approve/of her or like her ..it simply means you are acknowledging her as a human being.
You son has chosen this path for now..and knowing it will be difficult for you and your sons to go along with that..yet if you did
, it would be crucial to the survival of this relationship with your son in the long term...and his brothers.
At 28 he is expanding his wings and I know it will be a difficult and bumpy flight for you also...in the end he will' find his way.
I do hope this has helped somewhat...please reply if you would like to ..otherwise please 'accept' my response as it does help greatly to keep this invaluable service going for you and others in the future...please be assured my prayers/thoughts will' be with you & all in this.