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Sarah
Sarah, Psychologist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 143
Experience:  Chart'd Psych, 12 yrs exp. English prisons, Clinical Hypnotherapist, EMDR Therapist, BPS, HPC reg'd.
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How can I ever hope to regain trust when I have such a strong

Resolved Question:

How can I ever hope to regain trust when I have such a strong aversion to doctors ? I don't want anything more to do with them.I don't want to allow them any influence in my life. Nor would I want any further involvement with organized religion.I am sick and tired of being told to do the "right thing" or the"right way" of handling things. Respect and trust, I believe, has to be earned. That is besides basic human respect , which I believe , is inate. I have no reason to ever respect an institution, who's main goal is to manipulate and control- to further an agenda far removed from caring and concern for human life. I would wish only that they would stay the hell out of my life, do only their job and leave me the hell alone. If I choose to go without, then so be it. It is my choice alone. All I had ever asked for was to have a bit of support so that I could live my life in peace. Period. So, doctors can go to hell and, Iam sure, many will. My question is this: why will they not let me be?
Submitted: 3 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Howard replied 3 years ago.
Chat Conversation Started
Howard :

Because we are in helping professions, by definition, that is what we do. What has eroded your trust so badly, and caused you so much anxiety?

Howard :

Excuse me, I meant to type hostility, instead of anxiety, however it may also apply.

Howard :

What is going on in your life, basically?

Customer :

Basically, abuses by professionals; the deliberate causation of physical and emotional pain and suffering, deliberate causing of stess,discomfort,confusion,and the refusal to alleviate physical,emotional,and psychological pain. I have been refused support of any kind by professionals in the helping professions. I have not threatened anything. I have tolerated much, I have asked for little, yet continue to be harassed. Failing to be treated fairly, and continuing to be abused,I have attempted,suicide-many times and many times I have not made them aware of my attempts.

Customer :

The constant threat of physician malintent effectively destroys my confidence and hope for anykind of a normal life. Furthermore,I believe this to be their intent, they wish me harm.Do they wish me dead? Iwill oblige.

Customer :

Are you there?

Howard :

No, I assure you that they mean you no harm. Why do they refuse to help you?

Customer :

Because I do not trust .

Customer :

Do they not realize that I have been married to a man who I can not trust,have never been able to trust?

Customer :

I used to have a father in law who told me to always be very very nice to doctors."you always be very very nice to doctors."He was a horribly depressive negative man. He was a very depressive man,very unloving man.He had a strong influance on people.I have known of adults who have asked his forgiveness for perceived wrongs.He was very much like Pat in that people strove to please him ,.though no one ever could.Nothing ever pleased him,and nothing ever pleased Pat. Nothing ever could.

Customer :

Intimidation was his method of control and intimidation is Pats method of control.Intimidation is the method of control doctors use on me. I will rather die than give in to methods of intimidation.So be it.

Customer :

Unfortunately, I have not been given a choice, Ihave not been offered an alternative, I either comply or not.I do or die. At this point I would rather die.

Customer :

I will contemplate on methods.Do I electricute myself or do I hang myself? Do I overdose or do I slice myself? Or maybe I let doctors kill me? Iam sure they will.

Howard :

At this point I am afraid all that I can offer you is encouragement to please contact a mental health professional ASAP and offer you this number. National Hotline 1-800-448-3000

Howard :

I wish that I could help you further, but I am not allowed.

Howard, Mental Health Professional
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 181
Experience: I have worked 6 years with adolescents with behavioral issues, especially addictions.
Howard and other Mental Health Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 3 years ago.
I am sorry for my rant last night. I will try to clarify my position. I can not reconcile a deep and truly founded distrust and aversion to doctors with a need for peace in my life, a spiritual peace. I truly believe they will give me none.
Expert:  Howard replied 3 years ago.
You said that you were communicating with Clergy, have you a distrust of him/her also. If you have a good relationship with Clergy, I would like for you to speak with him/her about forgiveness as a route to spiritual peace. It appears that in order for you to move on spiritually you will need to find some resolution and let the past go. Look at it like this; if you took your car to a mechanic and he did more damage than good to your car, would you swear off all mechanics, I doubt it. You would find another mechanic, and chances are he would fix your car correctly, because most mechanics care about customer satisfaction and return business. It is the same in the healthcare industry.
Customer: replied 3 years ago.
My predicament is this: Trust in the most fundamental of principals has been betrayed. The harm done to me was absolutely vindictive. Furthermore, no one would offer me any compassion or kindness or support. In fact I was further victimized by a system that acted as a unified block intent on covering up a criminal act. Any one clergy or physician who dared to offer any support (emotional or otherwise) was soon without a job or was relocated and therefore inacessible to me.Then followed a series of abuses on my person and to my mental health. I have offered forgiveness many times, and many times I have continued to be abused; refused appropriate medical care, refused spiritual counsel and told that all that could be done for me was treatment by way of anti-psycotics. I can and will live without medical care and apart from church (withwhom I have many issues.) But I cannot tolerate the many interferences in my life outside of this issue ie: the abuses by dentists, and abuses reguarding other health care issues - allowing a impacted and abcessed wisdom tooth to rupture while in hospital and with Dr.'s look ing on. No medication was given and I was tossed by hospital security into the back of a squad car and driven home at 3 o'clock am. I see no good in my life. I see no good in doctors. I have been given no reason to have faith in a system so callous as to set about to totally destroy a person. I refuse to allow them to turn me into an evil and vindictive a person as they are. That is my only hope in this life .
Expert:  Howard replied 3 years ago.
It does seem as though you have been put through the mill. I am glad that you still have your resiliency. Are you in Canada?
Customer: replied 3 years ago.
I am. Timmins Ontario. It is a very small and somewhat isolated community. It represents a lot of negative for me. I would prefer to move but experience makes me believe that evil will follow reguardless.
Expert:  Howard replied 3 years ago.
You will never know unless you try! Sounds like a change of scenery would be healthy, if nothing else.
Customer: replied 3 years ago.
At this point I am not strong enough to deal with a normal life. They have taken much from me. they have erroded my relations with my family;siblings,children and friends. I had a brother who died this passed February, of cancer, who had no respect for me, thinking me totally delusional ,and a hypochondriac. The rest of the family has nothing to do with me because of the many suicide attempts,they are angry with me thinking me a selfish,pathetical thing I have lost the passed 18 yrs. of my life to doctors I am no longer able to function, to have anything approaching a "normal" life. Even my children hate me and blame for their problems,they blame me for not being present to them all those years when they were growing up and needed me. I do not blame for their lack of faith in me....There is no hope in resolving these problems Nothing will make a difference at this point..
Expert:  Howard replied 3 years ago.
So, maybe a fresh start in a new area would restore some hope.
Customer: replied 3 years ago.
I don't think so. I believe I will continue to be harassed. I will not be able to trust a dentist or a doctor, ever. Too much damage has been done to important reletionships to ever be able to heal. I do not care any more about life. I have no interest in pursuing a life without love, relation and support and I have no desire to try.
Customer: replied 3 years ago.
I firmly believe in the right of a person to choose to end his life in order to end , endless suffering. I believe in assisted suicide and in euthanasia. A person should have the choice, and people should respect that choice. Mental suffering is just as valid as physical suffering, and just as cruel, even more so when that suffering is intentionally put on a person.
Expert:  Howard replied 3 years ago.
I am going to have to close with this, okay, or the moderator will probably close it for us. I think that you do care, otherwise, you would not be reaching out here. This is a good step, but it is not counseling as you well know. Please, if nothing else, call someone, give it a shot.



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Customer: replied 3 years ago.
None of this is helpfull to me. I wish someone would tell me to just give it up; that there is realy no hope for this situation. That I could accept. Perhaps then I could move on, this present limbo is destroying me.
Customer: replied 3 years ago.
As you must have deduced, I am looking for the truth, and only the truth. Only then can I be free of the influence doctors and the system have over me. I can then tell them to get the hell out of my life and to leave me the hell alone. I deserve that much.
Customer: replied 3 years ago.
I wish to speak to a spiritual adviser. I wish to ask "Why?","Why am I not able to live a normal life? Why can I not have the same consideration as every one else? I am not a threat to anyone, I am not difficult to talk to.I am not difficult to work with. What is the problem.?
Customer: replied 3 years ago.
I am sorry. I am asking for more objective information and maybe you cannot give it. Please confirm.
Customer: replied 3 years ago.
I have told you that I will accept your answer, I need to know the truth ,is the any hope for resolution in this?
Expert:  Howard replied 3 years ago.
Absolutely, but you will have to take action.
Customer: replied 3 years ago.
There is nothing I can do
Customer: replied 3 years ago.
Why is this happening to me? I love my kids but have only given them grief. I can not do this.
Customer: replied 3 years ago.
I am headed for a nervous breakdown.
Customer: replied 3 years ago.
I am headed for a nervous breakdown. Again.
Customer: replied 3 years ago.
Help.
Customer: replied 3 years ago.
Please let me talk to clergy.
Expert:  Howard replied 3 years ago.
I do not see any clergy on board here today. But I encourage you to call one.
Customer: replied 3 years ago.
I have spoken many times to clergy. They recommend I start a knew life else where. Does no one believe in a loving God? Life elsewhere will be hell as well.
Expert:  Sarah replied 3 years ago.
Hi there,

I would like to offer my best advice to you - I wonder if you are suffering from post traumatic stress to some degree. When we experience highly emotional situations, whatever they may be, we get beliefs about the world and about ourselves lodged in our subconscious mind. It's like wearing tinted spectacles. Then we interpret the world through these tinted glasses every time they are activated. So for example, say someone is extremely upset by something that happens to them by a member of the medical profession, then they could genuinely believe in their subconscious mind that all members of the medical profession will treat them like that. Then, when someone says something slightly unprofessional, the person hears that comment and it activates the tint - the emotion from the past event is triggered and experienced, so the effect of the current issue appears to be huge. It acts like a cycle and can grow bigger and bigger over time. I am not suggesting for a moment that people have been fair or rational with you in each of the circumstances that you describe - your interpretation is of course valid and real, but we are all susceptible to this and many of us overreact because of this. I strongly suggest that you seek guidance from an EMDR therapist, who will help you to process away the emotion that is hanging onto your thoughts. You won't lose any memory, or gain any false memories, you will be able to let go of the angst and see things without the anxiety. Have a look at www.emdria.com for more info and a therapist local to you. You will see it is a trauma therapy, but a trauma is a highly emotional experience that is individual to everyone, so please don't let that put you off. I do hope this is helpful to you. Best Wishes, Sarah
Sarah, Psychologist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 143
Experience: Chart'd Psych, 12 yrs exp. English prisons, Clinical Hypnotherapist, EMDR Therapist, BPS, HPC reg'd.
Sarah and other Mental Health Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 3 years ago.
I have twice sought the services of a local psychologist and have been refused. Is it any wonder I believe the system against me?
Customer: replied 3 years ago.
I understand that in the States person is able to shop around for a physician, and if not totally satisfied, may choose another. Not so here in Canada, there is a much tighter control, Mainly so that there is not a duplication of services. Private services are not usually available, referals are necessary. Those referals can harbour predudice and a huge amount of control. Furthermore, all specialists are answerable to their college and to government. BotXXXXX XXXXXne is I am shut out and have been for many years. I cannot believe I pose any kind of a threat, therefore i have no reason to believe that things could ever change for me.
Customer: replied 3 years ago.
OK. I know I have some pretty stong emotion re: what was done to me. But this is really the first time I have actually been able to express this. Doctors would never tolerate my anger or even recognize my frustration in dealing with them.
Customer: replied 3 years ago.
There is also the entirely different issue of life lost to illness, both physical and mental illness, alone this has been a challenge. The only issue evolving as it should is separation and the impending devorce from my husband. Marital issues have had little to do with the medical issues. I am most certain of this.
Customer: replied 3 years ago.
What is next for me? I have a poor relationship with my children, in fact my youngest left home at age 18 and has been home only briefly maybe 3 times. The other two keep their true feelings to themselves mainly because they have been trained by their stepdad to not challenge .My eldest is 36 yrs. and is still focused on pleasing his father, my second is 35 yrs. and keeps his feelings to himself out of fear of angering his dad. My youngest is33 yrs. and so filled with anger and so feeling betrayed he can not cope with family. I have enough problems I do not need issues with doctors. Outside of family I have no life. I have few friends, none of whom are much support. My parents and siblings are poor support, they are just not capable and never have been close. I feel my life has been a failure from start to finish.
Customer: replied 3 years ago.
Please tell me you are there and considering responding. I know this is not an easy request.Sara I need some perspective on all this. 
Customer: replied 3 years ago.
I am beyond caring for myself anymore. I used to be a young looking, and good looking woman. Illness has destroyed that for me. I care nothing for myself anymore. I don't know why I am talking to you, you can't begin to understand. Life for me is a hell I don't care to continue. No one should have to suffer the way I have had . Why should I care anymore?      I have no quality of life . How can one survive this kind of assault on body mind and soul ? I suppose my question is unanswerable. If I cannot find reason to live within myself then there is no reason to live. I dare you tell me I am wrong.
Customer: replied 3 years ago.
. I think I have just answered my own question. There is no hope in all this for me. Life without hope and life without relation is not a life worth living.
Expert:  Sarah replied 3 years ago.
Hi there, I'm sorry it was very late here in England and I had to go to bed. You are not beyond hope. I recommend that you to make contact with www.mentaline.com which is a world wide system which offers professional therapy to those who are unable to leave the house or find therapy in other ways. You can choose your therapist from around the world, America, England and elsewhere, there are no boundaries because therapy is arranged between the two of you. I strongly believe that you need to let some of your emotion go so that you can 'see' clearly and less emotionally and then your decisions and thoughts will be less emotively led. Have a look on the site and see if you think it will help you. Best Wishes, Sarah
Sarah, Psychologist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 143
Experience: Chart'd Psych, 12 yrs exp. English prisons, Clinical Hypnotherapist, EMDR Therapist, BPS, HPC reg'd.
Sarah and other Mental Health Specialists are ready to help you
Expert:  Sarah replied 3 years ago.
Hi there,

Thanks for your payments. I just wanted to say to you, have a look over your last few answers and see how your self confidence declines as you ask more questions and I am unable to respond. You are certainly aware of this disbelief in yourself because you are able to state quite clearly, "I am beyond caring for myself anymore." but what I want to say to you is this - in 2012, the ParaOlympics will be taking place. Those people have had their lives blown apart too by accident, injury or illness, leaving them with parts of their body missing or not working. Now I'm not suggesting that you are able to do the same, but perhaps you could take a look at them and see if you can find a role model amongst them. Sometimes we need a different focus. Have a look on the Internet to read about their attitudes towards life and how they have turned around what life has dealt them. When I was a little girl, I used to say that I didn't believe in the moon - I couldn't understand how such an enormous thing could stay in the sky and could light up at night, a different shape each night. But despite my disbelief, the facts were that the moon stayed in the sky each and every night, appearing to change shape as the nights came and went. And so it is that you do not believe that you are worthwhile, that you are important and probably more loved than you know. Just because you have disbeliefs, it doesn't change the facts - you perhaps don't have the same perspective or the same understanding that others have, but that doesn't change the facts. You are still worthwhile, important and probably loved more than you know. You need someone professionally trained to help you to see this, so that your confidence can stem from your inner self, and not from other people most or all of the time. When you can recognise that you are feeling down and attributing it to someone else, recognise that and tell yourself that you don't want to do that anymore. Of course it will be difficult to do, but maybe you could try it. Find a small but positive thing about yourself every day (don't accept that there isn't one, because I don't believe it) - perhaps you can help someone out, pick up some litter, recycle your rubbish, turn off your extra lights and save electricity, enjoy the sunshine or the rain or the wind, appreciate the flowers, - just notice it and see how it makes you feel just a tiny, incy wincy bit better. Not a lot, just a very very tiny little bit. Take care of yourself, there is a role for you in this life and maybe you just haven't found it yet. Keep looking..... Sarah

Edited by Sarah on 10/7/2010 at 7:03 PM EST
Customer: replied 3 years ago.
Your advice is timely in that I realize just how empty I feel inside. I have felt this way for most of my life. I have not had loving and supportive relationships. I have not had lasting friendships , and I feel that life has not given me a chance. Don't get me wrong,I have never just given up and waited for life to give me what I feel is owed. I have worked very hard, I have prayed, and I have embraced all that has been given me , and have valued all. But life has denied me, and life whithout hope is not a life worth living. . I am feeling that loss so acutely and it hurts me to no end that my kids also feel that loss- because of me.
Expert:  Sarah replied 3 years ago.
Now I feel that you are talking from the heart rather than worrying about what others think of you. This is the first real step to feeling much better. Are you a believer in past lives? I think perhaps that you are not because you have a strong faith. However, I would like to tell you something, even if it may not be something you would choose for yourself. I have ordered several Karmic Reports from a lady called Pam Carruthers in the past, the reports tell us what lessons we have brought into this life from our past lives, what our strengths are, what our weaknesses are, what our life path for this life is that we have now and what we should be striving for. They are based on astrology, the placement of the moon, the sun and the stars when we are born. I don't think that God would be cross if you ordered one - but that's only my opinion and you can only do what is right for you. I have found these reports to be very insightful and helpful, and I have recommended them to friends who have also found them incredibly enlightening. They cost £15 from www.healingstars.com and they require your birth date and place, and time if you can give it. They use midday if you cannot give a specific time. How does that sound?
Customer: replied 3 years ago.
I really don,t think so. And I really don't care what people think. As long as I am true to myself I am grounded, as least as much as I can be. I cannot accept these philosophys that are based on some definitive rule and fate. Can you understand this?
Expert:  Sarah replied 3 years ago.
I can, and that's why I said you must only do what you feel is right for you. I do hope I have been helpful along the way. You certainly sound in a more positive place than you did before. I must go to bed now because it is late here. With very Best Wishes, Sarah
Sarah, Psychologist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 143
Experience: Chart'd Psych, 12 yrs exp. English prisons, Clinical Hypnotherapist, EMDR Therapist, BPS, HPC reg'd.
Sarah and other Mental Health Specialists are ready to help you

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