Thank you Pamela,
First I am a bit concerned at the hour at which you are working? I thought I would have a response from someone within Australia.. You must be ready for bed!
I have tried other medications and they did work wonders at first then as time went by, years, I moved on to others as I found my anxious and dark thoughts would soon return.
I believe that my thoughts become negative because I seem to attract a lot of 'drama' in my life, or perhaps create it even. Not intentionally however.
I am not someone who can't see light, or opportunity, or the humour of things, I have a warp sense of humour even in the most saddest of situations, how else do you get through? I have an open mind to many different ways of perceiving life, situations and the way people behave. So it's not that I am always sad or feeling down.
It's just that I this deep sadness that runs deep underneath it all.
When things fall in a heap ( lose a job, end a relationship, I discover more about the world and what's going on, all for profit...) I lose heart. I ponder why, why, why we as humans do what we do to each other and ourselves....
Without the love of my dog, his unconditional warmth and acceptance, I would probably prefer to just end it. But I don't want to have to do something violent to myself to achieve it. I don't want to hurt the people that love me. But my soul says it's had enough of this seemingly pretentious existance.
I have not had CBT but have read about it. And again, it's really good. for a while.....
Mid-life crisis? um I have been thinking and feeling this way for the last 40 years... so I must have just your average brain disfunction thing.
Can I on the one hand, see a beautiful world and be in such awe of nature, animals and the feeling of love and yet still be depressed because I am not able to fit in with what most people seem to do with their lives.
Because I question relentlessly, and find it difficult to just settle, does that mean I am depressed?