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Dr. Olsen
Dr. Olsen, Psychologist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 2336
Experience:  PsyD Psychologist
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I am at the end of what I can do for my grandson. He is disrespectful to his teacher

Customer Question

I am at the end of what I can do for my grandson. He is disrespectful to his teachers. Doesnt listen to me when asked to do something.
Nothing is ever his fault. I dont know what to do. He is very angry
Where can I find help. I am so so and tired and no one to help me find help. The school is no help. He goes to a continuation school he is 15.
Submitted: 4 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Dr. Olsen replied 4 years ago.
Hello. Welcome to JustAnswer. I am sorry to hear your grandson's situation. Let me ask you a few questions before I offer an answer. Doe he live with you? When did his behavior start? How is his academic performance? Where does he live? Zip code?
Customer: replied 4 years ago.
When he works he gets A,B's. He is 10 credits above where he is suppose to me. But most of the time now he wants to me out of his seat disrupting the class, cuss at the teacher and blaming them for everytime he gets in trouble. He now has RSP but I think they are at the point of throwing him out of this school. This school is nothing but kids that have anger problems, taggers, pot smokers and I am sure other drugs. The principal said this year is the most students she has ever had. For example amount Johnny. He go kicked out of school today and I told him to come straight home. It is now 7:40 and he is still not here. I finally got him to respond on text say I told you I am not coming home now. He refuses to do anything at home. I ground him but the problem is I am not at home to inforce it until later around 6-7. We live in Chino Hills, ca 91709. He shows no respect to others and tolerates me. When I am trying to discuss whats wrong or ground him he tells me go ahead see what happens at school tomorrow. His Mom is now in jail and he doesnt know his Dad. I have had him since he was about 6. I think he needs boot camp, but I get no money for him but I do have him on my health insurance. The problem is I need immediately an effective answer, counselor something. I hope this helps. Kathy
Expert:  Dr. Olsen replied 4 years ago.
Hi Kathy, thanks for additional information. I am sorry to hear what you are going through and your grandson’s situation. You must be really worried about your grandson. It sounds he is dealing with lots of BIG feelings – anger and sadness.
He seems to have strengths too since he is capable of getting A and Bs. But his behavior is “oppositional” to his teachers and even you. It sounds he is acting out his anger towards authority, which may have to do with anger towards his biological parents. He must have been through a lot before he came to you as age six. As you mentioned, there are reasons why he is exhibiting anger and sadness given that he did not have his father in life and his mother left him even it was not intentional. I am glad that he has had you as a caregiver since then. Now your grandson is in adolescence that may complicate his emotional problems since children experience rapid growth in body and mind and experience new, lots of external stimuli such as peers, media, and school/community environment. I advise him to see a COUNSELOR/THERAPIST weekly in your area. If he is on your health insurance, you may call the insurance company and get a list of providers – therapists who specializes in ADOLESCENTS. You may choose a therapist for your grandson from the list.
His therapist may be MALE since he is oppositional to his teacher and even you. You may also find his therapist in your area.


Please go to the link:(

http://therapists.psychologytoday.com/rms/prof_search.php) and type your zip code (91709) and click the optional category such as Child/Adolescent. You may review of a list of therapists in your area. You may also want to create your mental image of psychotherapist that you want to work with – Male or female? Old or young? To note, many therapists offer initial consultation for free. So you can see it as an informational meeting. You can ask any question. You can also negotiate psychotherapy fee and number of sessions. Your grandson may need to see a therapist who specialize in Adolescent and Oppositional behavior weekly for 6 months to 1 year in a minimum.

Please let me know if I have overlooked any or you have more questions. Dr. Olsen
Customer: replied 4 years ago.

Hello, thank you for your information,but I ave tried this and the psycholgist end up only speaking to me because Johnny just sat there. If you read above he was suspended for 2 day on Friday and he blames it on the teacher and didnt come home right after school like I told him and ended up home at 9:30. Here is my dilema he needs something done FAST! Is psychotherapy different the a psycholgist.? What is the better therapist for him. We had a male psycholgist he wasnt very firm and basically he told him he would have the suffer the consequences of his actions. At this age doesnt seem like that matters. An example, he jay walked and the police tried to pull him over so he took off running because he had a container with weed in it, so he ran to throw it. Thats what the cop say of course he said he didnt have anything. He now has a ticket for jwalking, getting rid of evidence and evading a police officer. + He already had a case he

is suppose to be doing community service which is Due Nov 1 and he has not done one hour no matter how many times I tell him to do it he refuses. I need an expert or help before it is too late and they put him in jail and I never get him back.??? He wants to continue to be at his friends smoking pot after school. I just need something that we can act immediately on to help him. I hope I am not rambling on!

Expert:  Dr. Olsen replied 4 years ago.
Hi Kathy, I understand the urgent nature of this situation. It sounds he may be in denial of his situation. There are thyree things that you may try to help him to understand the consequences of his behavior (not completing community service by Nov 1st)- 1) write down his situation and consequences if he does not do the community service in a large paper; put it in a wall; explain it to him to make sure he understands; perhaps you may need to set up a community service that he needs to do; 2) Set up a reward system for his completion of a community services and communicate that to him; 3) talk to other family members, get support and help, ask them to speak to him about this situation, and/or have a family meeting. I still think that your grandson may need to see a male counselor who he can connect with emotionally. You may also take him to a psychologist who provides a complete psychological assessment including cognitive, personality, psycho-social and neurological tests to get an accurate diagnosis and get a complete treatment plan for him. Please let me know if you have more questions. Happy to assist. Dr. Olsen

Edited by Dr. Olsen on 10/3/2010 at 8:47 AM EST

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