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Marian
Marian, Psychotherapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 116
Experience:  M.Sc. Cognitive Behavioural Psychotherapy, UK National Health Service
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My husband passed away two years ago. I like having his things still in his draws. I lik

Resolved Question:

My husband passed away two years ago. I like having his things still in his draws.
I like going to his sock draw because he also kept batteries there…When I need a battery
I still feel like he’s got them ready and waiting for me, etc.

Is that fine or is it time to remove his things?
Submitted: 6 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Marian replied 6 years ago.

Hello and welcome,

 

I see no harm in having his things in his drawers as long as it is a comfort to you and you are happy with your life as it is.

 

The only issue would be if you were still grieving for your loss, then the reminders may be helping to prolong this. In addition, you may not want to think about new relationships while you are living so much in the past.

 

If neither of these is an issue for you, there is no harm in it.

 

May I ask whether you think it is time and if so, why?

Customer: replied 6 years ago.

 

I can not even think about another man. I still cry every day. we were married for 25 years and he was a wonderful husband. My friends tell me that it is time to clean his closet or get rid of all his after shave in the bathroom. I still like having them there and wonder if my friends are wrong.

Expert:  Marian replied 6 years ago.

I'm so sorry you are still finding your loss so difficult to bear.

 

I understand the concern of your friends. They see that as long as you stay so focused on your loss, memories of his love are both a comfort and a reminder that leads to further distress. Keeping his things may not be helping, but it's unlikely that moving them will mean you feel less distress in your current frame of mind.

 

I would encourage you to do something to change your life. Please seek some bereavement counselling. This is something for you, nothing to do with another man. Your husband would want you to be happier in your life than you are at the moment.

 

Please do let me know if I can help you further.

 

Marian

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