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Dr. K
Dr. K, Psychiatrist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 357
Experience:  15 years clinical experience in all areas of psychiatry. Holistic and practical approach.
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i was dating a man for a year and he broke off all contact

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i was dating a man for a year and he broke off all contact with me and also his friends and family in the last 4 monthes i recently found out from his cousin that he suffers from bi polar disorder is there anything i can do to try and support him he has ignored all my communications so far or shall i just wait untill he contacts me if ever. we were very much in love that i genuinly know.... i just would like to be able to help in some way but feel at a loss
Submitted: 4 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Dr. K replied 4 years ago.

One thing is to find your local NAMI (National Association of Mental Illness) chapter at http://www.nami.org/. Through them you can meet with other people in your situation and learn from them.

 

The difficult thing here for you is accepting your helplessness. If he won't return any phone calls, you can always write him a letter or email. Let him know that you understand he is going through a tough time & needs his space...and that you will be there to support him when he's ready.

 

I would also talk to his other family & friends so you guys can try to be a united group to help him. Here is a good book that may help: Living With Someone Who's Living With Bipolar Disorder: A Practical Guide for Family, Friends, and Coworkers by Chelsea Lowe. Reading and understanding more about bipolar will help you to help him.

 

And if he's not in treatment but willing to go, look for some good local referrals for him. I hope this helps. Let me know if you have other questions. Good luck & take care.

 

Customer: replied 4 years ago.
he lives in ireland at the moment and i live in london.... he is also going through a tough time with his mother who is 88 and he had to go back to ireland to take care of her as he is an only son.....we communicated every day even then but as i said all contact just suddenly stopped i have already written to him as you suggested..... and said exactly what you have advised..... i do not want to give up on him...... i feel so frustrated at not being able to help..... i have looked up all the imformation on bi polar to try to understand more about it...... his cousin said he went through a really bad episode 3 years ago and completly dissapeared.... from what i can make out from his cousin he does not think he is going through a full blown episode again but that he is going through an episode though..... i know he would be frustrated he love his mum and wants to take care of her but his work is on the road driving which he loves to do..... so he is a bit stuck inbetween at the moment do you think that would bring on an episode
Expert:  Dr. K replied 4 years ago.

That could definitely bring on an episode. Episode in bipolar can occur even without any triggers (esp. if the person isn't in treatment); so even if someone is in treatment (medications and psychotherapy), even a minor stress can trigger an episode...and this sounds like quite a major stress.

 

It sounds like you are already a step ahead of me and have done many of the right things without results...which brings me back to my earlier point of accepting your own helplessness. If you continue to struggle with this issue, it would likely help for you to see a therapist.

 

On the one hand, you can empathize with him and be patient. But if this goes on for a long time, that's not fair to you...and then you need to consider when is it time for you to move on with your life. You deserve to be happy and be with someone who makes you happy. Although understanding his illness can help you with his behavior (cutting you off), having bipolar doesn't give him an excuse to treat you like that. If he comes back around he still needs to be willing to work on himself and learn to not cut you off in the future. I hope this makes sense.

 

Let me know if you have still have other questions.

 

Customer: replied 4 years ago.

thankyou for your very imformative answer

i have been thinking along the same lines myself about the bi polar not being an excuse for cutting me off

but then other people have been telling me different and saying it is all down to that as he has not just cut you off but everyone else too as far as we can make out....

do you think going over to visit him where he lives would be a disaster.....

would he talk to me do you think or just blank me or would seeing me make him worse and push him further away

Expert:  Dr. K replied 4 years ago.

There is a fine balance...on the one hand you can forgive him cutting you off (esp as its everyone, not just you), but that doesn't mean he shouldn't have to take responsibility for this and work on correcting it. Otherwise, you (and the others) enable him to continue using this isolation as a coping mechanism.

 

I don't think going there to visit him is a good idea unless he is in agreement with the idea. You'll spend lots of money and everyone will get more upset...a disaster as you said. Although it might show him how much you care, it's more likely to push him further away. Take care.

 

Customer: replied 4 years ago.

this is not a question so i do not expect an answer

its just to say thankyou for your answers they were very helpful and confirmed everything i had been thinking already

and even though i cannot afford 16.00 at the moment well worth it

as my daughter of 29 split her achillies heel in two 5 weeks ago and i have had to stop work for 2 monthes to look after her and her 10 year old daughter and 4 month old son

so it has been a very stressful time in my life lately so i didend up at the g.p this week to get signed of work for a few more weeks as not coping too well

but thankyou for your advice and help

take care yourself (rosie)

Expert:  Dr. K replied 4 years ago.
You certainly have a lot on your plate...persevere and you can make it through these trials & tribulations.
Dr. K, Psychiatrist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 357
Experience: 15 years clinical experience in all areas of psychiatry. Holistic and practical approach.
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Dr. K
Dr. K
Psychiatrist
357 Satisfied Customers
15 years clinical experience in all areas of psychiatry. Holistic and practical approach.