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Sarah
Sarah, Psychologist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 143
Experience:  Chart'd Psych, 12 yrs exp. English prisons, Clinical Hypnotherapist, EMDR Therapist, BPS, HPC reg'd.
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My mother left my siblings and I in 1994 and since then we

Customer Question

My mother left my siblings and I in 1994 and since then we have grown very distant from one another and seldom write or call.
Submitted: 4 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Marian replied 4 years ago.

Hello and welcome,

 

Your mother leaving must have been very distressing for you and your siblings.

 

Do you have a question regarding this? Do you want to regain closer contact with her? Was there ever a time when you were closer?

 

Thanks,

Marian

Customer: replied 4 years ago.

The question is why are we all (6 siblings) distant from one another? We were once so close and had so much fun together.

We have no idea where Mom is although we've tried to find her.

Expert:  Marian replied 4 years ago.

Thank you for your reply. I understand your question now.

 

It is common for siblings to drift apart as they grow older and start families of their own, take on responsibilities at work and leave the area. Is this the case with your siblings? As they grow older still and the kids leave home and work pressures ease, there is often a chance to rekindle the relationships with siblings.

 

Do you have a partner or children? I wondered whether there was a reason you missed them at the moment. If it is just that life is too busy, they may welcome someone making the effort to try and get the family organised to get together occasionally.

 

So there doesn't necessarily have to be a serious problem for this to happen, unless you are aware of any difficulty that may have caused this drift apart.



Edited by Marian on 10/1/2010 at 9:18 PM EST
Customer: replied 4 years ago.
Relist: Incomplete answer.
The answer is very simplistic and does not require a PhD to reach. I think there must be a reason(s) for a mother to walk away from her children and for them to then begin to pull away from one another. Most of us already had families and enjoyed get-togethers regularly. Our good times seemed to end when Mom abruptly left.
Expert:  Marian replied 4 years ago.

Yes, that additional information does put a different slant on the issues between you and your siblings. You did not state that the good times ended when your mother left.

 

I will opt out and give another expert a chance to answer your query. I hope you get the help you are looking for

 

All the best,

Marian

Expert:  Sarah replied 4 years ago.
Hi Customer,

Thanks for your question. I am wondering, following your mothers disappearance in 1994, whether each of you and your siblings has their own interpretation of why she left and perhaps didn't want to meet and therefore feel the need to discuss this huge life change for you all? Maybe some of you blame some of the others, maybe it is too painful to face? Perhaps if you don't really meet up, then you can sort of pretend that it didn't happen? Or perhaps you have each found it too difficult to have fun without your mother, perhaps feeling guilty to meet without her? There could be many different reasons why you haven't collectively made an effort to meet since she left and without asking your siblings, you can only really be aware of and explore your own reasons. Is there a natural leader amongst the six of you? In a group of people, there is often a leader, a strong type, and some followers. There may be some thinkers amongst you, and some doers. Perhaps if the natural leader els it is wrong to meet without your mother, or doesn't want the difficult conversations, then maybe the others simply haven't followed it through to meet because that was never their natural role? But that doesn't mean you can't pick up the baton and arrange for some or all of you to meet again to see how it goes. I would imagine it would be very cathartic, if nothing else, to discuss how you feel about the incident of your mother leaving. Perhaps when one of you bites the bullet, the others may feel relieved and follow too. We are notoriously bad at Communicating with each other often in this world, even when things are 'normal' so when something different happens, perhaps we become afraid to talk. Does any of this ring true? Please feel free to reply. Best wishes, Sarah
Sarah, Psychologist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 143
Experience: Chart'd Psych, 12 yrs exp. English prisons, Clinical Hypnotherapist, EMDR Therapist, BPS, HPC reg'd.
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Sarah
Sarah
Chartered Psychologist / Hypnotherapist
143 Satisfied Customers
Chart'd Psych, 12 yrs exp. English prisons, Clinical Hypnotherapist, EMDR Therapist, BPS, HPC reg'd.