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Howard
Howard, Mental Health Professional
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 181
Experience:  I have worked 6 years with adolescents with behavioral issues, especially addictions.
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When my wife tries to discuss her feelings,I cant show any

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When my wife tries to discuss her feelings,I cant show any compassion,our marriage is falling apart, I have hit her in the past and been arrested for it. Rather than try to understand her feelings I get all defensive and clam up, which makes her that much more upset. I then get more irratated, so I leave the situation rather than lose control and get violent. How do I get her back? There is no history of alcohol in the picture.l
Submitted: 3 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Howard replied 3 years ago.
Chat Conversation Started
Howard :

Hi, I'm Howard

Howard :

I am sorry to say that you may need to prepare for her not coming back. She has been treated extremely poorly. The only chance you may have to get her back, or have a successful relationship with anyone is to find a good therapist that you like and stay with it. In and Out Therapy is seldom successful.

Customer :

I am in therapy right now, she does not seem interested in going to it herself

Howard :

Have you ever been diagnosed

Customer :

I told her I want to go to try and get the help I need to try and save this marriage

Customer :

no diagnose yet

Howard :

In that case, you need to work on you, help yourself become a better person and maybe ...maybe she will see that you are serious about making changes, and will give you and therapy a chance.

Howard :

Seriously, if I was advising your wife and she was determined to come right back to you, with your history of violence, I would advise her not to come back until she was sure that you were making a serious effort to change.

Customer :

I know I need to change my self, this is not my first marriage or the first time these type of problems have been in the picture, I have never had the skills in a relationship to deal with conflict or problems I have always ran from my troubles and hoped they would go away...well its not working and I really have hit the bottom I do need to get the help...I would rather leave the situation and not get angry and get physical and deal with it later...however I never deal with it

Customer :

This women has made many sacrifices in our marriage for me and I have taken advantage of that, I just dont know how to change a lifetime of a way of life that has never worked for me and try to get me the right skills to learn how to deal with real issues

Howard :

I think that you are headed in the right direction, but you need to have patience. You have spent nearly 50 years burying what ever is inside you that causes these behaviors, it may take years to gain the tools necessary to cope, and behave more positively.

Howard :

She sounds like a wonderful woman, I hope that you can find the healing that you need.

Customer :

I spoke to my family Dr. about medicine for mood stabilization, he has some concerns, he would like to send me to a psyciatriast for treatment and possible meds..any thoughts

Customer :

The counseling I am receiving right now is through the local Family Services Agency in my County..just therapists

Howard :

Perfect, I think that is a great suggestion.

Howard :

Yes, I think you would benefit from seeing a psychiatrist.

Customer :

Do both or just treat with the pscy.?

Howard :

Both

Customer :

O.K. I will give that a try and see if I cant get my mood stabilzed and under control

Howard :

And make sure that you sign releases between your Physician, Psych, and therapist so that they can communicate.

Howard :

Great, I'm glad to hear that.

Howard :

I hope that I have helped, if so please accept my answer.

Customer :

Yes, will do ..want to keep them all on the same page....very frustrated right now...have been on workmans comp since Jan.15,2010...not scheduled to go back to work for another 2-4 months...then may lose job as a result of accident that put me on comp in the first place...18 yrs. of employment..$45,000.00 a year job on the line

Howard :

It sounds very stressful and I know it is easier said then done, but right now, you need to focus on the here and now. Do what you need to do right now to get better, one day at a time and things will begin to fall into place for you, okay.

Howard, Mental Health Professional
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 181
Experience: I have worked 6 years with adolescents with behavioral issues, especially addictions.
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