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This is a complex question and I took time to read it well.
You are in love with a man who you desire be your husband. You have family who has strong opinions about his worth and his work ethic. It is causing you to question yourself and your relationship. This is the issue.
The emotional rule here is actually very clear. This man will be your husband and you his wife. The future marital relationship is a lot like an image of two people slow dancing together. There are only two dancing; all others are audience members and are not in the act of dancing. If anyone tries to break in, or if anyone or anything comes between you both, the dance is over.
Here you have a problem that is resolvable via a perspective change. Yes, you are your father's daughter and also you have a family. Your father and family have a right to an opinion. However, you are an adult and they do not have the right of control. You are "dancing" with your boyfriend, (soon to be more) and parents try to cut in. The proper response is to gently remind them that you appreciate the concern but that you will make this choice. It is really that simple. No it will not be easy for you to establish your adulthood with them as it is clear that they still see you as their little girl. But:
You cannot be forced via an emotional pressure to see things as others wish you to. They can try but you will need to resist and establish yourself as the choice making person.
I would advise that you seek a therapist to gain some perspective into this issue. There is just too much control and emotion in this situation for you to be able to see this clearly. Families can be incredibly frustrating and influential, both good and bad. Here however, it is a bad influence as your adulthood is being questioned or even taken away. This is your life, not anyone else's
The key question that you need to talk about with a therapist is: What do you really want, apart from what your family wants...I think by doing so you will see this for what it is and you will resolve this issue.
Thanks for your answer. It is clear that you gave it a thought and this is why I am consulting justanswer, not a therapist.
What I want is very clear. I want my future with this man whom I think is the fit for me mentally, physically and most important of all, I love him with all my heart. I know that parents can have good and bad influences over their children and that they want the best for their children but this is what I question in my case. Do they really want me to be happy? Don't they like my boyfriend and just see his unemployment as a reason to tell me this or is it just that he is unemployed, which they tell me it is? Even if they tell me that they just don't like his unemployment, it is like they hate him all the time!
I am afraid this case started to affect my relationship with my boyfriend. I cry for no reason at all and he thinks he has done something that broke my heart. What should I do to just be me? I want to be happy with this man and I want my parents to give me advice when I do need it and just be happy because I am. The thing is , I am afraid that if we go on to the next level and get engaged, my mother will find something new to yell at me about my relationship. So even if I am happy with my man, it seems like my parents will always have something to worry about or to nag about.
There is no easy answer, although an answer is clear. A choice has to be made by you.
It isn't your fault that you want what you want. It also isn't your fault that your parents are giving you such a difficult time. You are in a bargaining phase of decision making. You would like (and I understand why) to have both your parents and your boyfriend without risk of conflict. However, that may not happen. You cannot predict what your family will say or what your mother might do if you become engaged.
But, one thing is still clear. You are an adult and so is your boyfriend and your parents. You must make a choice. This choice will put you back into your old self in a short while (because the stress of the choice is where you lost yourself) but it will not be an easy choice to make, but no one can make it but you. The stage you are going through is called moratorium, a time of agonizing decision. We all go through it and it does not last forever, it just feels that way. From doing so you will grow and establish your identity as a full adult. It is pain, but it is like childbirth; worth it.
I feel for you. I have been in difficulties of the same magnitude. It is not a simple thing but it does pay off in the end. Ask all the advice you can from trusted people and then, act. My very, very best to you...hang in there. Steve