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First I would suggest you set an appointment with your pediatrician and let them know what is going on. There may be something medical going on that can be causing the symptoms and a full evaluation never hurts. After that I would suggest setting up a goal chart with her and anyone else in the home who may have authority over her such as her father. This will help establish ground rules for everyone and everyone will be on the same page including her. So you would set a rule such as, "If you hit you will go immediatly to time out. You will spend 5 minutes in time out". Set up a place besides her room for a time out such as a corner or quite place and then do not go to her until she serves the 5 minute time out (one minute for each year of her age). At this point when you go and hold her to calm down and coax her out of her mood she knows that you will come and do that so she throws a bad tantrum to get you to do that. At the end of the 5 minutes, let her know her time up is over (maybe set a timer) and then go hold her and talk about what happend and let her know you love her at that time. A great book to read is called 1-2-3 Magic. http://www.amazon.com/s/ref=nb_sb_ss_i_3_50?url=search-alias%3Daps&field-keywords=1-2-3+magic+effective+discipline+for+children+2-12&sprefix=1-2-3+magic+effective+discipline+for+children+2-12 Please let me know if I can help anymore, I am here to help!
I didn't find this reply helpful. I've tried different places for the timeout, with the same result. And she knows she doesn't have to throw a tantrum to get me to hold her and hug on her.