Hello and welcome,
I am sorry this pain has been with you for so long. I know it is disheartening when you try things and they don't work, however please do keep trying as this pain can be eased.
I recommend you consider one of two forms of therapy. Sometimes logical looking at things doesn't help much as the emotional pain continues and a different type of approach can be more helpful.
Psychodynamic psychotherapy may help. This form of therapy is useful for helping with this type of problem from childhood.
I also recommend schema therapy, in particular an approach called limited reparenting. There have been a number of research trial which have demonstrated the effectiveness of this treatment. Here is a link which describes more about the treatment:
I hope this helps. Please do reply if you have any further questions. I will be away from the computer for around 12 hours but will check in later.
Thanks for your reply. You have overcome so much to make your life successful, demonstrating that you have the resources needed to tackle this set back too. The symptoms you describe do sound like PTSD. I thought I would post some additional information about this.
As my fellow expert has mentioned, EMDR has been shown to be effective for PTSD, as has CBT. I was interested to read that you did not find CBT helpful. CBT practice has at it's core a number of interventions or techniques which have been demonstrated to be effective. Because of this and to be sure therapists deliver consistently good results, they are sometimes grouped together in quite a rigid treatment program. However CBT therapist are also trained to be guided first and foremost by the specifics of how the problems developed and are maintained in an individual. The more experienced or highly trained the therapist is, the more likely they are to practice in this more flexible, individually tailored way, whilst still using the standard interventions.
As you've mentioned, the environment may not have been right for you but also the program may have been too rigid to pick up the individual presenting factors or to adapt the CBT sufficiently. A careful assessment would have been needed to see how the issues from the recent past have activated the schema from childhood and the treatment adapted accordingly.
In the UK, CBT therapist who use schema therapy tend to be the more highly trained. These are also the therapist more likely to use individually driven formulations as the basis for their work, rather than standardised treatment manuals. Many are also trained in EMDR. If the same is true in the US I think it should be possible to find someone who has had training in CBT, Schema therapy and EMDR. This would increase the range of approaches available to you both in treating the combined effect of your recent history and childhood issues.
All the best,