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Dr. Michael
Dr. Michael, Psychologist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 2177
Experience:  Licensed Ph.D. Clinical Health Psychology with 30 years of experience in private practive and as a clinical psychology university professor.
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2.5 years ago I met a man and we fell deeply in love. The

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2.5 years ago I met a man and we fell deeply in love. The feelings were exhanged by both of us, and led by him. We were together 4 months. One moment he was telling me he was immensely in love with me and within a week he was starting to break it off. Over the past couple of years we have tried to remain friends, the occassional chat here and there, but I can't be his friend..which is what he wants. I get very anxious and do something to screw up the friendship. 6 days ago I started Prozac. The constant thinking about this has brought me to depression. Will the prozac help with the over thinking? BTW, he's popped up again after disappearing for a few months. Im now thinking about it more and more again.
Submitted: 6 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Dr. Michael replied 6 years ago.
Hello. I believe I can be of help to you with this issue.

Yes, Prozac can alleviate ruminations, worrying and stabilize your moods.

When you say you get very anxious and do things to screw up the friendship, what are you referring to? Example, please?

While you have agree to try to remain friends, I think this man is sending you some mixed messages and causes you to think about him constantly. It isn't always possible or reasonable to expect an intense, romantic relationship to evolve into just a 'friendship'. Frankly, it is unfair for one partner (who is o.k. with being friends) to ask that of the other partner (who was more emotionally involved and 'in love') to do this because there is usually a great deal of frustration and the person experiences huge emotional roller coasters. What do you think? Does the relationship seem like it holds fair expectations of you?
Customer: replied 6 years ago.
No its not a fair expecatation and thats why I screw it up. We have done about 7 or 8 rounds of this. He expects to flirt, calls me baby, beauty (his nickname for me). I handle it for awhile and then I realize that Im falling for him again and I try to tell him but he doesn't hear me. He just keeps telling me that he thought I was over everything and that being friends is good for him. Im just so tired of thinking about it. And at the time he seemed to be more emotionally involved with me. Encouraging me to fall in love with him..he was more insecure, jealous etc.
Expert:  Dr. Michael replied 6 years ago.
What I fear for you is that he wants the luxury of being just friends, because this relieves him of a romantic commitment to you, but he revels a bit in the fact that you love him to the degree you really 'need' to be more than friends. This is unfortunately, a really unfair and unreasonable position to take with you, IMO. It is also just a tad narcissistic.

If the rational side of your brain tells you this is an unfair, unreasonable expectation---to just be friends, and it simply frustrates you and drags you into emotional roller coasters, then there is absolutely nothing wrong with making a fairly clean break with this man. Perfectly normal, healthy thing to do----protect yourself emotionally from this situation. I hope the rational side of your brain can prevail over the emotional side of your brain on this one.

I hope this information is helpful to you. Please let me know if I have overlooked any aspect of your question.
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