Thank you for contacting JustAnswer.
I am sorry to hear about the problems you are experiencing. It is extremely difficult to be in a relationship with someone who is narcissistic, particularly since they are generally emotionally abusive. Abusive relationships can be extremely difficult, particularly because things are never all bad or all good. They can often serve to diminish your self esteem, cause you to doubt yourself, isolate you and make you feel unable to take care of yourself. These relationships are typically about control. Your ex may have at times acted in ways that were not abusive, making it confusing for you and causing you to miss him at times. This sounds as if it was a very unhealthy relationship for you and that in the long run you will be better off without him. There is a process of grieving any relationship that ends, so be patient with yourself while you go through the grieving. You say that you have tried therapy. If this was not helpful, you may want to consider attempting therapy again; sometimes it takes finding the right fit with a therapist. Individual therapy is important in order to get some support for yourself, build up your self esteem, help you to set boundaries, and perhaps address any patterns of behavior that may have contributed to you accepting this treatment from someone in a relationship so that you do not repeat this pattern in new relationships. Remember that no one deserves to be abused.
In the meantime, be sure to take care of yourself through healthy eating, exercise, rest and reaching out to supportive people in your life. Focusing on yourself and your options can help you to develop a plan for moving on with your life and finding a job and a place to live that can make you feel happy and healthy. I hope this is helpful. Please let me know if I can clarify further.