Hello, I'm happy to talk with you. I am working on your question now.
Hi, I Pat.
I'm Pat. I am the father of the divorcing daughter.
Thank you for contacting JustAnswer.
I'm sorry to hear about the concerns you are having for your daughter. It seems that she has trusted you with the information about her marital situation and is asking for your support of her. You may be able to offer her support and take her and your grandchildren out to a birthday dinner without specifically rejecting your son-in-law. No matter what happens between your daughter and her husband, she deserves your unconditional love and she deserves to make her own decisions, and even her own mistakes at times. She will need your support during this difficult time. If you try to invite her husband to dinner against her wishes, or refuse to have dinner without him she may very well feel this as rejection of her.
I hope this answer is helpful. Please let me know if I can clarify further.
Thank You. Do you have any recommended reading that might help us do the right thing through this process?
Here are some book titles that may be helpful:
Helping Your Kids Cope with Divorce the Sandcastles Way by M. Gary Neuman
Reinventing Your Life by Jeffrey E. Young
You may also find the books in this website helpful for the family: http://divorcesupport.about.com/od/childrenanddivorce/tp/parentsguidetodivorce.htm
I wish you all the best through this difficult process. Please let me know if I can clarify further.