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Dr. Mark
Dr. Mark, Psychotherapist
Category: Mental Health
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Experience:  Dr. Mark is a PhD in psychology in private practice
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I found out my daughter is a stripper and I want to confront

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I found out my daughter is a stripper and I want to confront her at the place she works someone told me
Submitted: 6 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Dr. Mark replied 6 years ago.
Hi! I believe I can be of help with this issue.

First, I want you to NOT confront her at work if it is true. I'll get to that in a minute.

Second, allow me to say this must be a tremendous heartbreak for the two of you! It is extremely distressing and is a parent's nightmare. Your hearts are in knots.

But this is the first reason NOT to do this to her and to you. It will render your ability to help her and to see that there is a way out of whatever trap she's gotten herself into SO much more difficult. It may release some of your anger and give you a sense of revenge to hurt her since she has hurt you, but that relief will last very briefly and then the damage will be all that's left.

You have to get some more information. You have to get the texter to give you some way to confirm that she is a prostitute and has a pimp. This is a very serious accusation. I am telling you as a professional: for a girl to have a pimp means some serious psychological damage has occurred to her and some serious legal ramifications are right around the corner. A girl doesn't attach to a pimp for fun. That is being a serious pro. I am not sure that this is accurate information. And even if it is, your daughter could easily deny it and you're back to square one. This needs verification. Being a stripper is one thing; a pimp means she's a professional in the sex trade. So, make sure you KNOW what you need to confront her with. The texter needs to let you know whether he/she is truly and REALLY meaning that your daughter is a pro or just saying this to get you to do something to get your daughter out of the industry.

So, do that right away. Let's say she's just a stripper. Let's say she's taken some money from some guys to have sex. Let's say she's got a boyfriend who urges her to keep doing this. Whatever it is, she's been attracted to this lifestyle. You are not going to convince her that it is not attractive by bursting in and making a scene. You're only going to convince her that you are still treating her like a little child and not like an adult.

She needs therapy. She needs a professional to evaluate her situation mentally, emotionally, and psychologically and help you determine the therapy she needs. None of this matters if she's not cooperative. She's 19 and you can't help her if she doesn't want help.

As hard as what I'm going to say is going to be for you, please both of you read it and have a heart to heart talk about it:

She is legally allowed to do whatever she wants with her life and her sex organs. If she winds up in jail for taking money, she's allowed to do that and you can't stop her. You will not convince her differently by treating her like she's still a young teen. She's not. You have to treat her like an adult. And more importantly, you have to convince HER that you are treating her like an adult! That is the only chance you have of her listening to your point of view and to reassess herself and consider your offer to get her professional counseling. Don't say therapy.

I hope you get the point I am trying to help YOU with: if she feels you see it from her having the right to do whatever she wants with her life but that you love her and want to share with her what you believe is right and true, you have a chance. If you go storming in like the Old Western Sheriff to bring justice to the situation, she'll just reject you.

So, no confrontation. Instead, an adult discussion of sharing each other's feelings, thoughts, and opinions. This gives you a chance!

I wish you AND her all the best!

Please remember to click the green accept button. Feel free to continue the discussion; my goal is to get you the best answers possible. Bonuses are always appreciated! To contact me, click on my name below and write to me. All the best, XXXXX XXXXX

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