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I am sorry to hear about the problems you are experiencing in your marriage. This is a very difficult situation to be in, given that your husband is refusing to discuss the situation to work on it. I would also wonder if he may have an addiction to porn, or at the very least is using this to avoid feeling uncomfortable feelings and addressing the issues in the marriage. It seems that you have been very invested in and doing quite a bit of emotional work in this relationship. In order for this to be a healthy relationship, we would expect your partner to do a relatively equal amount of emotional work (if you balance it out over time). This may be one way to evaluate if someone is committed to a relationship and to changing in order to make the relationship work. You deserve someone who will put the work into the relationship as well, since it takes two people to make it work. Also, I definitely believe in trusting your gut. It is often a very good indicator of red flags that should not be ignored. Feelings of love tend to be very irrational, while the gut is a good barometer of danger, both physical and emotional. I would certainly encourage you to consider marital therapy, and if he refuses, you may find individual therapy helpful to give you a place to work through your feelings about this, and consider your options. I hope this answer is helpful. Please let me know if I can clarify further.