Hello, I'm happy to talk with you. I am working on your question now.
Thank you for contacting JustAnswer.
I am sorry to hear about the problems you are experiencing. Given your description, I certainly cannot say whether you may have symptoms suggestive of Bipolar Disorder. If these symptoms are relatively new, they may be more related to the recent stressors in your life of marriage, move, job change, etc. However, you may find the following link helpful in understanding this condition: http://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/publications/bipolar-disorder/complete-index.shtml
I am glad to hear that you have your religion as a support. I would also encourage you to find a way to forgive your wife and yourself for your mistakes. I would hope that your religion does not expect you to be perfect since none of us are and we all make mistakes. Forgiving yourself and your wife may go a long way toward helping you to feel more able to talk and share feelings with her and may improve your mood as well.
Additionally, it could be very helpful for you to speak to a psychologist for therapy to get some help during this difficult period in your life and to examine whether you have any conditions such as Bipolar. In addition, exercise and eating right could be helpful as well.
I hope this is helpful. Please let me know if I can clarify further.
Lori .. Hi, its difficult to know where to begin. I could try to give you the quick version if it would help. For starters my brother (hes older) has been an addict of something since the age of 13 (Drugs Alcohol) So I have delt with that all my life, being the child who couldnt get the attention he needed because my folks (whom I love dearly) always had to contend with my brothers lifestyle choices. anyway the long short of it Is I never wanted anyone to get close to me, (didnt feel like I was worth it) I fought for acceptance and approval (no matter the cost) and now I have no idea who I am, and now I have a wonderful strong wife who needs me to be strong.. I feel like Im in quick sand and the harder I try to pull myself out of it the more I get tired (stop talking) and sink
Thank you for sharing your information. Given this family history, it certainly makes sense for you to take this time to find a psychologist to meet with for individual therapy. This will help you begin to develop the tools to address these issues and become stronger and healthier. This is important for yourself as well as your marriage. You deserve to work on yourself and begin to give yourself unconditional love. You are definitely worth people getting close to; you just have to begin to believe it. I hope you will consider therapy so that you don't have to do this alone. Please let me know if I can help further.
Thank you Lori, It feels like Im starting all over (and im 33) I never gave back to myself enough emotionally, and I know if I cant do that, then ill never be able to give to others. Ive realized that meeting new people in my life is when Im at my best, XXXXX XXXXX interested, emotionally engaging. But its because its all on the surface, I am scarred to dig deeper with anyone because it would give them license to do the same with me. Meeting someone new is like falling in love all over. and im scarred thats the kind of relationship I want with my wife.. a surface one.. thank you for your time Ill be accepting this and respecting payment for your service
You are very welcome. I wish you luck on your emotional journey. Self acceptance is key here. Remember that you don't have to be perfect, just good enough. As Jon Kabbat-Zinn says, "As long as you're breathing, there is more right with you than wrong with you." I wish you the best.