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Thank you for contacting JustAnswer.
I am sorry to hear about the problems you are experiencing. It is important to know that you are not alone in this. Remember that cutting, drugs and suicide are never an answer since they only serve to make your situation worse. No human being deserves to feel the way you are feeling and that includes you. This is too much for you to deal with alone. Please seek help from qualified professionals including a psychologist and psychiatrist. Even if you have not found a therapist yet that is a good fit for you, keep trying.
Remember that those who feel suicidal are in the midst of depression. Symptoms of depression include, a persistent sad mood, loss of interest or pleasure in activities that were once enjoyed, significant changes in appetite or body weight, difficulty sleeping or oversleeping, physical slowing or agitation, irritability or anger, loss of energy, feelings of worthlessness, hopelessness or inappropriate guilt, negative thinking, difficulty thinking or concentrating, and recurrent thoughts of death or suicide. There may be an increase in substance abuse such as, street or prescription drugs and/or alcohol in order to “self-medicate”.
What to do if you may be depressed.
1. Identify that you want to change this pattern of negativity in your life. This is a powerful and courageous decision. Have a thorough assessment from a qualified clinician (medical doctor, psychotherapist, psychologist or psychiatrist. Some good resources are: your HMO, local mental health agency or hospital, Primary Care Physician, or a professional source that you trust.
2. Begin the process of therapy, which can be short term or long term. Therapy is a partnership between an individual and a therapist, a shared experience of mutual trust and confidentiality. The therapist is a good listener and support person. The process of self reflection in therapy enables a person to sort out both positive and negative feelings. It can help improve communication and encourage expression of hidden feelings that have caused sadness. As a person becomes aware of the problems causing the depression, develops solution strategies, has more self understanding and compassion, the door is open for a change in belief system.
3. Learning what triggers negative thoughts is a key factor. Depression can be experienced in cycles, with different intensities. Cycles of the seasons, holidays, and aging cycles can trigger depression. People prone to depression may get more depressed when their life changes (i.e. a move, job change or a loss) or when there is a health or relationship crisis.
4. Changing one’s habitual thinking patterns is important. Recycling the negative thoughts over and over also reinforces the depression. Continually thinking that “Life will never get better.” Or “I will always be a failure.” influences the depth and length of the depression. Therefore, changing one’s thinking patterns from self judgment to compassion, from hopelessness to hopeful is necessary. Therapeutic techniques that reframe negative thinking i.e., cognitive exercises, positive reinforcement, breathing, meditative and relaxation exercises, as well as other therapeutic techniques, all seem quite beneficial.
5. Understanding how to “empower yourself” by taking responsibility for your own health and well being, while not blaming others for your problems is critical. Disconnecting from the negative patterns which keeps you powerless and focusing on positive life patterning helps to increase self esteem, i.e., healthy diet and exercise regimen; fulfilling and joyful connection to family and friends, a sense of humor, involvement in hobbies, music, theater, dance, art; relaxation techniques, positive affirmations, yoga, TaiChi; having someone to confide in, asking for help, reaching out to help others, joining a support group, improving communication within relationships and learning to problem-solve. And there are many more. You can use your own creativity to bring the positive into your life. Sometimes you just need someone to help light the way.
I hope this is helpful. Please let me know if I can help further.
I don't do drugs now. I don't cut. There's no point in doing those things because they don't work.
All of the things you suggested, I've done. For years. I waited for years to become 18, an adult, to discover myself, to connect. I'm not even depressed anymore, I like living. I feel completely disconnected from my body.
like I'm borrowing someone else's body.
I can see everything around me, but it's like a movie.
I'm glad to hear that. You are right, they do not work. This disconnection that you feel may be coming from depression or some other issue. Sometimes people feel dissociated from their body and or situations. This is definitely something to meet with a psychologist about. Keep in mind that it may take several trys to find the right psychologist for you.
I just waltz in and say, 'Hey Doc, something's wrong upstairs, there's a short circuit somewhere between my body and my mind!"
i did that and was told I should take benadryl because I have a hard time sleeping.
I'm sorry I'm pestering you, I just don't know what to do at all. I can't make any sort of decision about where to go to my next school, where to move, even what i want for breakfast sometimes...
You can schedule an appointment with a psychologist and bring the information that you shared here. You did a good job in describing your symptoms. The psychologist can then help you to sort out what may be contributing to your symptoms. This is their job. You need someone to help you to find a diagnosis and treatment plan that will work for you so that you are able to make the decisions that you need to make. I hope this is helpful.
Yes. Thank you.
You are very welcome. I hope that you are persistent in getting the therapy that you need. I wish you the best.