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Dr. Olsen
Dr. Olsen, Psychologist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 2336
Experience:  PsyD Psychologist
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Can a Psychiatrist help with relationship issues Give me insight

Customer Question

Can a Psychiatrist help with relationship issues? Give me insight as to what my partner feels about our relationship
Submitted: 4 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Dr. Olsen replied 4 years ago.
Hello Thank you for bringing your question on JustAnswer.

-Could you explain your situation a little more?
Customer: replied 4 years ago.
Yes sorry I was kind of vague also I am male. Anyway my girlfriend mother of my 2 kids is not a very affectionate person at all. She has a tendency when she is upset at some situation calls me up and yells at me about something I didnt do. Example might do the laundry and gets upset because didnt hang the shirt with the pants. Not appreciating the fact I did laundry. Anyway similar situation today her back was hurting water went out. She calls me asking why I didnt help my son put together a toy. It was 9 o clock and I gave my two boys a bath while she relaxed from a long day. This turned into me hanging up on her because I dont like hearing her talk to me like that. Afterwards I sent her this email. Ive talked to her since on her way to work and she was ok but didnt discuss the events from earlier. And didnt mention the email below. She never answers my emails or deeper emotional questions I have. Can you help me explain why?

Below is the email.

Thanks

Tim

I love you!! I hope you have a good day at work. I forgive you for the way you acted because I know you love me and and you wouldn't want to do anything to hurt me. It is just so hard to feel that way when I feel attacked whether you mean it or not. Wish you could stay home tonight if your not feeling well.
I know I may seem critical of you at times on issues. I just want us both to improve on things. I am going to try to lose some weight I know you cant be attracted to me. I think if we both try to meet the other person expectations the better things will be. If we both cant talk about what makes each other happy and neither one of us tries to improve it then this whole thing is pointless. I would really like to spend the rest of my life with you but I just have a hard time feeling the same from you. Let me know your thoughts.

I LOVE YOU!!
Expert:  Dr. Olsen replied 4 years ago.
Hi there
It sounds like you wrote the email to your girlfriend, mother of your two children in an honest, loving and assertive manner. That's a good start for you two to improve your communication. You described her as not very affectionate and tendency to get angry at you for something you did not do. She may be a little unhappy about something, have anger problems lately, OR just take you for granted that you can accept her any emotions when she wants to vent... You sound like affectionate person. I am not sure if your girlfriend is such type. Everyone has innate disposition and personality that have been molded by their original environment - original family, relationship to primary caregiver (parents) and siblings etc... I understand your concern because reciprocity of affection and care is vital to sustain a partnership. When your partner is driven by her job or stressed with routines, she may have forgotten what's important to both of you. I think she may be slightly shocked by your email and may be contemplating what to do. I think she would respond to your feelings soon. Sometimes women need space to reflect on their thoughts and actions before responding to their partners' feelings. I hope you two work things out.
Customer: replied 4 years ago.
Is it possible to call and talk to you? I could really use someone to talk to about this. I can pay in advance for a call let me know your charge.

Thanks

Tim
Expert:  Dr. Olsen replied 4 years ago.
Hi there
Unfortunately, I can not give my office number here based on JustAnswer policy. But we have two days to talk here. So you can tell me more about your concern or situation. Take your time. I will be checking my email frequently every hour. I am in California.
Customer: replied 4 years ago.
I talked to her this evening at work she said she got the email before she went to work and didnt have time to respond. She said the email was sweet or thoughtful she sounded genuine. She told me she was working a double shift so she wont be home til 8am. I told her to call me around 3am so I know everything is ok. She has never done anything that would indicate I cant trust her. It is just how she says things sometimes. For example she was upset kind of down in the dumps sleeping alot but couldnt tell me what her problem was. So I asked her if it was me she said she didnt know I tried to talk to her about it and she said it was to late to talk about. Basically she didnt give me a warm feeling that it wasnt me. Also the night before I had talked to her at work and she said she would wake me up when she got home and talk to me instead she came home and watched her favorite show for an hour. When she got to bed I asked her what was wrong she said it was to late to talk. Since then she told me that her other son wasnt doing good in school and her Mom was calling complaining about how things were with her. So I guess I understand that. She can be so sweet to me one minute and the next she has a problem with something I do I mean the simplest things. When it comes to love making she sometimes says ok lets get this over with.. She doesnt like to kiss. She doesnt like oral sex peformed on her when I like doing it for her she doesnt get anything out of it. I know she has a hard time orgasming. I want her to tell me what she likes how I can make things better for her. I dont get much out of her. Sex and intimacy is very important to me Is there anything counseling or something that would get her to be more intimate? She is the type of women that can talk a lot of about sex has had 3 somes in the past gave lots of oral sex to guys without getting anything in return for it and now she has someone that cares about her and does things for her and she will do it occasionally but its usually because she can get something out of it instead of doing it out of the blue to suprise me and make me happy. She does things for me dont get me wrong loves cooking dinner likes just me and her going to movie or what have you but on the intimate side just isnt there. I know Im talking out of order here but just thought of something else on the trust issue. The Correctional center she works at is notorious for a lot of infidelity. So she brings up one day I can see how a lot of cheating could go on being that there are a lot of men and women working together and lots of time for socializing she says when she was single she would hookup with guys she worked with . She has girlfriends that send her porn to her phone. Called her one day at work she wanted me to pick up some subs steak sandwhiches and her co working and she was joking Jill likes a lot of meat on her sub where as I dont require much meat. It was said in a joking sexual way. I guess I dont understand how someone that can talk alot about sex doesnt really particulary want it. So anyway what are your thoughts. Sorry I was jumping all over the place.
Expert:  Dr. Olsen replied 4 years ago.
Hi there
Thank you for waiting.


Edited by Dr. Olsen on 9/2/2010 at 3:44 PM EST

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