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Dr. Michael
Dr. Michael, Psychologist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 2177
Experience:  Licensed Ph.D. Clinical Health Psychology with 30 years of experience in private practive and as a clinical psychology university professor.
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I have been dating a man for the past four months. He always

Customer Question

I have been dating a man for the past four months. He always has to have everything his way, where we eat what movie we see and he often says I never do anything that I dont want to do. He talks about him self a lot and about how he thinks people have wronged him..he has very few male friends..his friends are mostly single women who are 15-20 years younger than himself..he was married 10 years to a women who was 14 years younger with two small children. This man keeps telling me he thinks we have something special and then when we get too close he says he is scared and we need to slow things down and just be friends for a while..We have had sex only once about a month ago and he recently called and told me that he has herpes. I know I have to run ..and fast, but I am so hurt and I just feel like I need to understand how I let this man manipulate me like this..could he have a personality disorder?
Submitted: 3 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Dr. Michael replied 3 years ago.
Hello. I believe I can be of help to you with this issue.

First, I'd like you to read a couple of links regarding narcissistic personality disorder if you would, and then get back to me with comments/reactions:

http://www.halcyon.com/jmashmun/npd/dsm-iv.html

And then read the Theories section of this:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Narcissistic_personality_disorder

This guy must be at least superficially, very charming and obviously, "punches the right buttons" of women who are seeking a serious, committed relationship. So, what are the main buttons he pushed of yours to wiggle himself into your life?

Customer: replied 3 years ago.

I have recently separated from my husband of 28 years. My ex-husband was very emotionally withdrawn and cold. The communication between us was non existant..The man I have been dating was very attentive and seemed very concerned, at first, about what i was feeling and very interested in what I had to say. He also in the beginning complimented me often.

Expert:  Dr. Michael replied 3 years ago.
And in your subjective view, does the narcissistic personality disorder descriptions and criteria (see the links I provided) seem to fit your boyfriend?
Customer: replied 3 years ago.
yes , the descriptions and citeria of the narcissistic personality disorder seem to all match my boyfriend almost exactly
Expert:  Dr. Michael replied 3 years ago.
Well, you and most other women who are interested in a relationship with a seemingly charming man are regularly "duped" by men with narcissistic and antisocial personality disorders. They talk a great talk but their actions are designed to control their partner and maintain emotional power over them. It is NEVER an equal partnership. This guy took advantage of your sincerity and desire to trust him to respect you and work to build a quality relationship. It is as if you have been subjected to a very complex and interpersonal scam. I'm very sorry this happened to you, because mature women can offer someone a very rich, complex and meaningful relationship because of the breadth of their life experiences and wisdom.

I hope this answers your question. Please let me know if I have overlooked anything in providing this response.

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