Hello and thank you for your question.
Yes, it is perfectly okay to ask this of him! It's not only okay, but it's wise for your own health physically and emotionally. You have been betrayed and have gone through a great deal of turmoil. So, yes by all means, set some strong ground rules/boundaries and follow through with them. Counseling is also a must so that both can work on this affair and the resulting consequences with an experienced professional.
Please click ACCEPT if this answered your question. Or feel free to ask for more info. Thank you and all the best to you.
he feels like he needs to lay in the same bed without doing anything to get the bonding back? what do you think about that?
Your husband has betrayed your trust, and it takes rebuilding trust in him and completely understanding the reasons for his affair, why he choose a destructive action to your marriage, and not only once but twice. The bonding can come back through this open communication with a professional counselor, and only once you have worked through the emotions and can start to trust him again. You two are not even at the beginning of that process. So, laying in bed together will not create the bonding. Once some of the other steps have been taken and you do in fact feel ready to be affectionate with him again, or to simply just lay in bed with him, then you will feel okay with that. That is going to be up to you. But at this point, it really isn't necessary and you should not agree to it, unless you in fact do feel like it's something that you would also like to do. If it's not 100% mutual at this point, then do not do it. And take the other steps mentioned. Please click ACCEPT, otherwise I'm not paid for my assistance. Best wishes to you!