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Elliott, LPCC, NCC
Elliott, LPCC, NCC, Psychotherapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 7662
Experience:  35 years of experience as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, National Certified Counselor and a college professor.
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From: <strong> </strong><strong>xxxxxxxx</strong> Subject: RE: I NEEDED FEEDBACK FROM SOMEONE WHO DIDN'T KNOW US. To: "'<strong> </strong><strong>xxxxxxxx</strong>'" Date: Wednesday, September 1, 2010, 7:58 AM   Once again, you are always right and if you are not and it is proven, then someone else must be wrong too. That’s simply because you do not have the ability to admit fault or error. Not that it is something that is required. It is a trait of humanity to admit errors and improve from the experience. Today I expect another silly E-mail to keep me upset all day. Isn’t that a fun game that you have played? Realize that you proved my intent. < main point} By adjusting my words, you have proven that there are two sides to every story. You told a good one-sided story and justified your point by the answer of a professional.   I feel that this is a deplorable aspect of a relationship. The truth is known, and the only thing that really matters is whether you love me. If not, then go to the one you actually love and leave me be. Don’t play these silly ‘I told you so’ games with false justification.   We must get on with our life together as a couple. If this is not what you desire then please do whatever it is you need to do. Let me know what your plans are and I will make mine to accompany them.   By waiting until I went to bed last night to write this instead of a face to face discussion, doesn’t this feel a little cheap to you?   I will say it again, I LOVE YOU, decide whether you want me or you want something or someone else. I want to be a couple that is loving and understanding; one that is fun to be around. I have tried but these continual little bites in my ass make it difficult. I know that you don’t understand, but realize … once again … you started this… and for what reason? Why must it be daily conflict? I cannot live this way and have no desire to. Let’s be a loving couple or move on to what we really want.   I want somebody that will love me.   Someone that spends time daily figuring out why they should not love me, does not love me. Be Serious. Send this entire BS to your computer psychologist. All off it. Don’t change a thing. Let’s see what they say about our relationship.       -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- From: <strong> </strong><strong>xxxxxxxx</strong>[mailtoXXX@XXXXXX.XXX] Sent: Tuesday, August 31, 2010 11:16 PM To: <strong> </strong><strong>xxxxxxxx</strong> Subject: RE: I NEEDED FEEDBACK FROM SOMEONE WHO DIDN'T KNOW US.    --- On Tue, 8/31/10, <strong> </strong><strong>xxxxxxxx</strong> wrote:   From:<strong> </strong><strong>xxxxxxxx</strong>Subject: RE: I NEEDED FEEDBACK FROM SOMEONE WHO DIDN'T KNOW US. To: "' <strong> </strong><strong>xxxxxxxx</strong>'" Date: Tuesday, August 31, 2010, 11:19 AM        To:XXX@XXXXXX.XXX Subject: I NEEDED FEEDBACK FROM SOMEONE WHO DIDN'T KNOW US.       If my brother was expected not to live and I asked my boyfriend to spend 30 mins in the hospital room with me for emotional support, wouldn't a man that loved me put my needs before his weakness of being around sick people. I lost my mother two years ago and he wasn't supportive during her hospital either. Once he wouldn't even give me a ride to the hospital when it was my turn to sit with her and my car was broken. He was with his ex wife. He says he loves me. Am I crazy for nor believing him.I just needed enough time for my nerves to settle a little. his ex wife is a ICU nurse there and he thinks its all about her. I couldn't care less about her when I was being told my brother was dying. I feel that if he wont be available to me in times like this when would i need him? Am I wrong to feel this way?               Dr. <strong> </strong><strong>xxxxxxxx</strong> says:   8:41 PM   Thank you for contacting Just Answer. No you are certainly not wrong for feeling this way. It is clear from what you are saying that he does not respond to your needs.                          -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- From: <strong> </strong><strong>xxxxxxxx</strong> [mailtoXXX@XXXXXX.XXX] Sent: Tuesday, August 31, 2010 8:38 AM To:XXX@XXXXXX.XXX Subject: I NEEDED FEEDBACK FROM SOMEONE WHO DIDN'T KNOW US.       Once again you have proven that if only one side of a story is told, the answer is all one sided. Did you mention that I was there at 4 AM. (no, you did drive me there and I did tell you that you could go then.. all three of my sons and my NEPHEW had arrived) ( Berry was there too)Did you mention that you threatened to shoot me if I went to see my ex, but then you took yours to the hospital the next day( No, nor did I tell them that both these things happened after I bawled my eyes out begging (demanding and not one tear)you to come to the hospital).( If we both set down and tell the whole story, tit for tat then I believe this answer will be a lot different.   Maybe I should ask: hell send this in, you have the account with them.      I am dating a woman with six ex husbands.(true) I am less than a year out of a 30-year marriage that ended in divorce.(I also didn't tell them about the years of out of town trips with Kristy and Alana and about you just loving on their genitalia but not having"sex" with them before you persued me so hard) My girlfriend’s brother, who has been on the liver recipients list for two years, had to be rushed to the hospital at 4am. My ex wife works as an ICU nurse there. I went with them.(she only works Sat.&Sun and he went on Fri morning.) (It was Saturday at 4 AM) Her two sons and her brother’s male friend(actually it was my nephew) were also there. Once he was taken in for review I went back home. The next day she asked me to go with her to visit. He was in ICU and had my ex as a nurse until she realized that there was a connection. She professionally removed herself from being his caretaker.(She knew I would not stand for a drug addicted alcoholic as my brothers caretaker, if you want to call that( professional )ok (It was actually sunday when I begged you to go. They had just told me how long they expected him to live) I hate hospitals and have always gone only in emergencies. I am a sensitive person who cries watching TV when less fortunate people are shown in their ‘situation’. My girlfriend has witnessed this many times. I explained to her that I would not go see her brother, but would be there for her when she returned. I told her that if it were my immediate family or her, that I would go. Otherwise, I cannot bare the hurt that I feel. She got mad and told me that she would shoot me if I ever went to see my ex-wife in the hospital.(true after refusing to go for me) I stated that I would expect her to go see her ex’s if they were hospitalized. I expect that if she loves me, then that is what really matters. The next day one of her ex’s called and asked her to take him to the hospital. She spent the better part of the week with him in the hospital and at his house.(The same ex (who has no one ) that was there for me as my mother was dying and you were drinking in the bar) (Day and night) I helped to encourage him while on the phone explaining about someone who survived a similar situation. (diagnosed with esophagus cancer) the same day I took him and the day they gave me news about my brother. ( Her brother told me that he was hurt, because she would set in his hospital room for 15 minutes, and then spend the rest of the day with her ex (my brother was on morphine and had told me he wanted to be alone that day. He was also not impressed that you came to visit him after he was moved from your exwife's floor and when my friend was admitted). She continues to go see her ex daily, even though he is out of the hospital. He is now getting around good and has been to a couple of local bars. I have been understanding and tell her that as long as she comes home and loves me in the evening, and is actually ‘in love’ with me, it is OK. I’ve even offered to bring him into our home and gave him an air conditioner for his place. Still she feels that I don’t love her. She spends time with him and doesn’t want me to touch her when we are together. We haven’t made love in a month and I need to know if she loves me or if I am I being used. What do you think? I don't know what anyone else thinks but I think my body should be shared with only someone who loves me and puts me first in his life. Someone I can depend on to be stong for me when I can't be. Someone who realizes I am a woman 24-7 not just at bedtime and when my emotional needs are neglected i don't feel lovey dovey.   Someone that will admit they knew how many times I had been married before they told me they would steal my heart and did, but then not use it to try to convince me i am flawed.       Please send this in. you can get the answer. You see there are different ways of looking at things. Also, your car wasn’t broke.(It wouldn't start and you know it. At least you don't deny being with you wife,and having once again me have to ask another man for help when it's you who say you love me) And you didn’t ask that I spend thirty minutes, you demanded that I go, period. Of course, the way you wrote this the answer was obvious.       Here’s another that is one sided.       I’m living with a woman that has six ex husbands. One of her ex boyfriends got sick and she has spent 3 nights with him. She goes to see him every day after I go to work. She wont let me touch her sexually and hasn’t since he got sick. Do you think that she still wants me? For two years i have been told where i can go and when I can go ask to not cause your exwife any discomfort. For six months you lived with me and would lay beside me and tell her you love her. You had to have your phone all the time because she may need you....."to tell her how to turn off a alarm clock, (ICU Nurse) Did you give her back the house key last week, after two years? Is her car still in your name? She still calls you in the middle of the night. How often did my ex do that? I will not turn my back on a man who did not turn his back on me when I needed someone. NO sex involved. There usualy isn't in times like this.You passed me off to him to carry me and now it is my time to carry him. This is the truth. I guess you can live with the same discomfort and unease for a few months like I have for these last two years or you can decide not to.    Don't forget you and your ex were both in Kentucky twice at the same time. I've been two miles from you and you were three states from me. This IS the truth!   I know it isn’t quite the whole truth, but I also didn’t lie, so what the hey, is what you wrote the whole story. LOL       Do us both a favor, decide. Either forgive me and love me or turn me loose and be done with me forever. Look into your heart and decide if we are going to make it. If you no longer love me, then go to Richard. It seems since your brother said that you wouldn’t set with him but a few minutes and you stayed with Richard the rest of the time, your heart has already given you your truth.   PS- your brother and your nephew had a big laugh over that one! They thought it was funny that you would spend so much time with Richard and give me so much hell over dig.     MY brother was too morphined up to laugh at anything but they may have got a giggle at how easy it was to see through you.               -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- From: <strong> </strong><strong>xxxxxxxx</strong>[mailtoXXX@XXXXXX.XXX] Sent: Tuesday, August 31, 2010 8:38 AM To:XXX@XXXXXX.XXX Subject: I NEEDED FEEDBACK FROM SOMEONE WHO DIDN'T KNOW US.       If my brother was expected not to live and I asked my boyfriend to spend 30 mins in the hospital room with me for emotional support, wouldnt a man that loved me put my needs before his weakness of being around sick people. I lost my mother two years ago and he wasnt supportive during her hopspital either. Once he wouldnt even give me a ride to the hospital when it was my turn to sit with her and my car was broken. He was with his exwife. He says he loves me. Am I crazy for nor believing him.I just needed enough time for my nerves to settle a little. his exwife is a ICU nurse there and he thinks its all about her. I couldnt care less about her when I was being told my brother was dying. I feel that if he wont be available to me in times like this when would i need him? Am I wrong to feel this way?               Dr. <strong> </strong><strong>xxxxxxxx</strong> says:   8:41 PM   Thank you for contacting Just Answer. No you are certainly not wrong for feeling this way. It is clear from what you are saying that he does not respond to your needs.
Submitted: 4 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Elliott, LPCC, NCC replied 4 years ago.
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Elliott Sewell, LPCC, NCC :

Seeking expert counseling is a sign of strength. A personal relationship with a caring professional is proven clinically effective.

Elliott Sewell, LPCC, NCC :

This relationship sounds very dysfunctional. You may enjoy the drama. You certainly write enough about it. Cutting to the chase, what exactly do you want to do? Continue with this drama, fix something, or just move on?

Expert:  Elliott, LPCC, NCC replied 4 years ago.
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Expert:  Elliott, LPCC, NCC replied 4 years ago.
From Elliot Sewell, LPCC, NCC
Customer: replied 4 years ago.
I WRITE BECAUSE WHEN I TRY TO TALK TO HIM HE OVER VOLUMNS ME AND I DONT LIKE YELLING. I JUST WANT RESPECT AND FOR HIM TO NOT PUT MY MOTHERS DEATH, BY BROTHERS IMPENDING DEATH, AND MY EX BOYFRIENDS TERMINAL DEATH ON THE SAME LEVEL OF IMPORTANCE OF AS REMOVING A SQUIRREL FROM HIS EX'S FIREPLACE. I NEED TO KNOW THAT HE THINKS I AM AS AS GODD A PERSON AS SHE IS. I HAVE EXPLAINED THAT I DON'T NEED THE FANCY RESTRAUNTS AND EXPENSIVE CABINS RENTALS TO PROVE HIS LOVE, THOSE ARE MATERIAL THINGS. I NEED HIS STRENTH TO LEAN ON. I HAVE DEMONS THAT I ADMIT TO, WAS MOLESTED FROM FIVE TILL 12 BUT NO ONE WOULD BELIEVE ME, WAS RAPPED TWICE BUT BY THAT TIME I FELT WHAT DID IT MATTER I WAS TAINTED ANYWAY. THERES SO MUCH MORE BUT WHO CARES . HE KNOWS ALL THIS BECAUSE I BELIEVE A RELATIONSHIP SHOULD BE BASED ON HONESTY. IT BACKFIRED AND HE USES IT AGAINST ME. IT TOOK ME FOREVER TO GET MY SELF RESPECT BACK. I CANT CHANGE THE PAST BUT I CAN CONTROL THE FUTURE. I WANT TO FIX THIS SO HE TREATS ME THE SAME AS HE DID WHEN HE WAS SO DETERMINED TO WIN MY LOVE.  BELIEVE ME I DONT LIKE THE DRAMA- MY BP IS 0198/127 AND MY PULSE IS 129. DOES THIS SOUND LIKE FUN TO YOU? I DONT WANT TO GIVE UP ON HIM BUT I DONT WANT THE STRESS TO KILL ME EITHER.
Expert:  Elliott, LPCC, NCC replied 4 years ago.
Dear friend,

I am sorry that you are experiencing this tremendous stress from your relationship with this man. It seems that he doesn't respect you, or have empathy for the tragic events that are unfolding in your life. He still seems very tied to his ex-wife, and is not giving you the attention that he should. You are apparently not treated as well as someone that he, in law at least, has divorced.

What are you getting positive out of this relationship that you wish to continue? Why is it that you want to continue if this relationship is bringing you so much stress and grief? You say he is not honest with you, but yet you can't change it.

You say you don't like the drama. I can understand what it is doing to you, but yet you still remain in the situation and let it replay and replay?

You have to decide whether you want to let him go or continue with the stress? From what you say, you show no reason to expect change from him. Hope is not enough to base a failing relationship upon. Do you have any reasons to continue this relationship other than you would like it to work? Is this a realistic expectation? Can you continue with the lack of support, lack of empathy, and resulting stress from all of the drama?

If you have nothing to go on but unrealistic hope, then its time to give it up. If you are willing to put up with the situation, and unable to change it, then you will still be in the same situation that you seem find intolerable. It is really up to you, my friend.
Elliott, LPCC, NCC, Psychotherapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 7662
Experience: 35 years of experience as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, National Certified Counselor and a college professor.
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