This is a pretty difficult conflict for you to reconcile. On the one hand, you have a very good paying job that you landed right out of college---this is both highly flattering and speaks to your value on the job market (and in a very difficult economy, no less).
On the other hand, while you have this great job, you are personally, miserable. I'd like you to consider the idea that these elements of the conflict are like a teeter-totter or a balance, with the job and salary and immediate career success on one side and the social isolation and loneliness on the other. The fact that you wrote to me this evening says that this teeter-totter is way out of balance right now and you are distressed and conflicted because of it.
I think you realize that sooner or later, your life situation must change. Given your past attempts to re balance the teeter-totter by perhaps trying to socialize a bit more, the sheer oppressive weight of your job has now made your social life nonexistent and you are probably clinically depressed. The visual image you can use to picture this is the teeter-totter stuck against the ground on one side (your job situation) and your happiness and social life is suspended far above the ground and it is just stick, suspended there.
Somethings that will possibly help you is to: 1) assess the likelihood of getting promoted out of this job into something that is less ambiguous, better-supported with a social network and more stable; 2) quietly polish your resume and begin looking for a different job---even if it pays somewhat less; if you left this job you could cite personal, family or health reasons, and still make sure management was very sorry to lose you, because you are not telling them you are quitting because you are so miserable. 3) take stock of your social life and how you might be able to revive it and thereby have a meaningful escape valve for stress
through your social support network. I realize you feel depressed and have no energy or interest in doing this, but such an action, paradoxically, might help you feel more motivated and invigorated; 4) make an appointment with a physician to be evaluated for a trial of antidepressant medication; this could help take the edge off of your depression and help you work more effectively and feel less despondent. It will not cure your loneliness, your isolation and therefore, it is not a long-term solution by any means. It is a temporary support you will have in place until you can somehow remedy the situation you are in. If you can remedy your situation, your depression should go away and you could become your "old self" rather quickly; you would engage friends more readily, and you may feel suddenly motivated to exercise and lose weight, etc.
As I think about your situation and write to you, I think that the true, "botXXXXX XXXXXne" issue is the likely need for you to lay out a plan to change jobs on a time line you select---maybe a month or 2 months. If you had such a plan and time line in place, I suspect you might suddenly feel a great deal of relief---you could see a "light at the end of the tunnel" and feel some sense of hope.
I hope this answers your question. Please let me know if I have overlooked anything in providing this response. I realize I may have assumed too much in providing this response, so again, let me know
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