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Dr. Michael
Dr. Michael, Psychologist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 2177
Experience:  Licensed Ph.D. Clinical Health Psychology with 30 years of experience in private practive and as a clinical psychology university professor.
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I am a 27 y.o. gay guy. A very good friend of mine (who Ive

Resolved Question:

I am a 27 y.o. gay guy. A very good friend of mine (who I've been in a friends w benefits situation as well) suddenly ignores me, without any sane reason. He COMPLETELY ignores my messages, and it hurts me so much, I can not hadle it because it doesnt make sense and bcoz I miss him a lot. What should I do now? This is unbearable to me, and Im thinking about going to his apartment. The other day I broke down crying when explaining this to a friend. Im not out of the closet, and so I can not shere this with people who are really close to me. I need help seriously, I know that this is serious for me. I have not had any history of psychiatric problems, but this causes deep depression for me, please Help!!
Submitted: 4 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Dr. Michael replied 4 years ago.
Hello. I believe I can be of help to you with this issue.

There is no way to get him to talk to you if he does not want to. The best you can do, you've already done i.e., send him voice mail, emails or write him letters. You are hoping that if you could only talk to this guy, you could not only understand 'why' he is acting this way toward you, your personal fantasy and agenda is to try to persuade him to change his mind. The hard, painful truth is that in all likelihood, he WANTS to abruptly discontinue a relationship with you and DOES NOT WANT to have to explain himself, face the fact that you are upset and hurt, as this is stressful to him. He does not want to have to face the fact that he is also treating you poorly as an intimate friend. So this manner of cutting off a relationship is actually, a little cowardly and selfish---escaping and avoiding the responsibilities most of us accept when we want to terminate and settle a relationship.

I'm very sorry to communicate the aforementioned, likely 'facts' of this matter to you. If you cannot talk to your family and friends, you might want to set up an appointment with a clinical or counseling psychologist or social worker who appreciates and understands gay/lesbian issues. You DO NEED and you DO DESERVE a confidential, trusted forum for you to talk about your concerns and sort things out in your mind, so you can begin to reconcile all of this and emotionally move on.

I hope this answers your question. Please let me know if I have overlooked anything in providing this response. I realize I may have assumed too much in providing this response, so again, let me know

"PLEASE....Show respect for your expert. If the information shared with you is helpful, confirm this by Accepting their answer and provide Feedback. Thank you!

Edited by DoctorMichael on 9/1/2010 at 4:04 AM EST
Customer: replied 4 years ago.
First, thank you for your detailed answer. Only other thing; I am planning to go see him in person; the thought stresses me out but if he doesnt answer me in a few days, I will go there. I dont even have a question here, just maybe hoping for a feedback on this :)
Expert:  Dr. Michael replied 4 years ago.
Again, you are pressing forward with your plan to meet with him personally, under the assumption that a personal visit will "force" him to see you and explain himself, or that a personal visit will possibly cause him to reconsider what he is doing and reconcile. The emotional risk of doing this for you of course is that you may have to experience a face-to-face rejection, which is why you are so nervous about doing it. On the other hand, if you have some nagging doubts or fantasies that some other reason is keeping him from contacting you, and the reason has nothing to do with you, personally, then I suppose you can get a very direct and unequivocal response. You of course, will need to prepare to handle his reaction to seeing you, regardless of what it is. because in doing this, you really are asking for "the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth"

I hope this answers your question. Please let me know if I have overlooked anything in providing this response.

"PLEASE....Show respect for your expert. If the information shared with you is helpful, confirm this by Accepting their answer and provide Feedback. Thank you!
Dr. Michael, Psychologist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 2177
Experience: Licensed Ph.D. Clinical Health Psychology with 30 years of experience in private practive and as a clinical psychology university professor.
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