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Dr. Olsen
Dr. Olsen, Psychologist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 2336
Experience:  PsyD Psychologist
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I am 43 years old and married with 4 small children. Due to

Customer Question

I am 43 years old and married with 4 small children. Due to some issues in my life my parents have requested I see someone for help. They don't agree with what I feed my children, they say I am disorganized, and many other issues. I am set to see someone next week. They sent a lengthy letter to the doctor prior to my visit outlining my entire life history. I feel extremely violated and that this visit is no longer private. My parents are intrusive! Is this overstepping the bounds?
Submitted: 6 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Dr. Olsen replied 6 years ago.
Hi I am a Clinical Psychologist.

Thank you for bringing your question on JustAnswer.

I am sorry to hear your situation.

Let me ask you a question before I offer an answer.

So does your parents ask you to see a therapist because they do not agree with the food you give to your kids and your organization issues ?
Customer: replied 6 years ago.

I'm sorry I couldn't write more in my question. First, I had a brief affair, about which my husband told my parents everything. At that point my dad (who I work for) suspended me from my job and wanted me to get help. Now he is focusing on the way I parent my kids, what I feed them, etc. We have just moved and he does not understand why I have so many boxes. He came over and showed me a list of bi-polar symptoms and said that is what I have, due to the affair and disorganization.

In his letter to the doctor I am scheduled to see, he cites the food I feed my children, the affair, he calls me a hoarder (I do save many things; however, they are in neat boxes in my attic), he said all during my growing up years I have been chronically late (which I admit but corrected about 15 years ago) and that he would always have to support me.

Meanwhile my husband has no qualms with these things except the affair of course.

I feel extremely violated that my parents would send a letter prior to my even seeing the doctor. I feel that I will walk in there and he will already have the story from someone else, not in my own words. I feel suffocated by my parents. I have a husband yet they want me to answer to them. I feel trapped. Much of my unhappiness stems from my parents' actions. I realize I have brought some of them on, but it still hurts. Another example is that my mom e-mailed the wife of the person I had the affair with for months and told her all of my whereabouts and said very mean things about me. Thank you for your help.

Expert:  Dr. Olsen replied 6 years ago.
Thank you for waiting and giving me detailed information. Your parents sound very intrusive, even though they have good intention to help you or some... I imagine that your parents have been this way to you since childhood. They may be worried and protective of you but you are grown up with your family. They do not need to write a letter to the doctor (physician? psychiatrist? Psychologist?)Your affair should be handled between you and your husband. Perhaps, you may need to practice
assertive communication with your parents and tell them to respect you more from now on. You may need to tell your doctor about how you feel about their letter. I am sure that the doctor also would feel the same - parents' intrusive behavior. I am so sorry what you are going through.

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