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Lori Gephart
Lori Gephart, Licensed Psychologist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 259
Experience:  Licensed Psychologist and Hypnotherapist 20 years of experience helping clients of all ages.
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I have been very much in love with a man for 4 years. He wesseld

Resolved Question:

I have been very much in love with a man for 4 years. He wesseld and conned me out of my marriage promising we were soul mates and now I have nothing he has broght me to my knees and I am trying to live again and be a good mother to my 14 year old son. He had gone back to his wife and falmily and is seeing 2 other women and i am now finding out he is a narcisst and a pathological liar. He gave me a car I have been driving for 3 years and he did not put the car in my name and because of his advise to keep me under his control lead me to make poor judgements regarding my credit. Now he wants the veihcle back in 30 days and I have no money or the credit to get a car and I don't know what to do . I have asked for help but he will not speak to me and has not told me why the relationship has ended. He is not a citizen in the US and he finds ways to stay here because of his history from Bermuda where he was born and raised. He is a dangeous man and I am very afraid. He treats me horriblely as if we were enimies and i don't know why. He as ruined so many peoples lives. I have been threatend by his son who is in this country as well .. What should I do. Thank you
Submitted: 3 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Lori Gephart replied 3 years ago.
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Lori Gephart :

Hello, I'm happy to talk with you. I am working on your question now.

Lori Gephart :

Thank you for contacting JustAnswer.


 


I am sorry to hear about the problems you are experiencing in your relationship. The behaviors that you describe in this man sound like definite red flags. This type of controlling behavior is very unhealthy and can be very dangerous as it can lead to violence and/or abuse. The farther away you get from this type of individual the better off you will be. It sounds as if you are following your gut in getting away from this man. The complication seems to be the vehicle. Since you have no legal claim to the car, there is little you can do to keep it. Given that you know that he lies and cannot be trusted, even if he promised to give it to you, this really means nothing since he has no credibility. Even if he would agree to let you make payments on the car, this would be a way for him to continue to exert control over you and keep you tied to him in a potentially unhealthy way.


 


This is the time to consider what resources you may have available. Are there any options for allowing you to obtain a vehicle including applying for a loan from a bank, car dealership or family member? (There are some dealerships that cater to people with bad credit.) Are there any things that you could give up temporarily in order to be able to afford a car, for instance cable, eating out, etc? As difficult as it may be to be able to afford a vehicle for yourself, it is one step closer to being free of this man and his unhealthy influence over you. I hope this answer is helpful. Please let me know if I can clarify further.

Customer :

I agree and will try my best to find the answer to the vehicle. Why is he so mean and why will he not discuss the reason he is moving on ? This quesiton is haunting me . I just want a straight answer. I feel if he doesnt answer he is delberletly leaving the door open for future conversation is this true? or do you think I am safe and he will not bother me again?When we had borken in the past he would stalk me.what does that mean. I think he is doing this to other women now.

Lori Gephart :

You mentioned that this man is a pathological liar. This would be someone who lies out of habit. This type of individual sees lying as their normal and reflexive way of answering questions. Pathological or compulsive liars bend the truth about everything, whether they are big or small issues. For a compulsive liar, telling the truth is very awkward and uncomfortable while lying feels right. This pattern of lies usually develops in early childhood, due to being placed in an environment where lying was necessary. It is also possible that he may be more of a sociopath. This type of individual is manipulative and cunning and lies to control and get their way. Expecting a straight answer from someone in either of these categories is not logical. Most likely he is leaving the door open to continue to have the opportunity to try to control you more.


 


Regarding safety, keep in mind that past behavior predicts future behavior. If he has stalked before then he is likely to do so again. If he has been violent before then he is likely to do so again. There are laws against stalking. If he begins to stalk you again, be sure to document this stalking behavior and notify the police immediately. Remember to avoid contact with him and reactions to him as contact and showing emotion will likely fuel the stalking behavior. You may find the following website to be helpful: http://www.ncvc.org/src/main.aspx?dbID=DB_People196


 


I wish you the best in this difficult situation. Please let me know if I can clarify further.


Lori Gephart, Licensed Psychologist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 259
Experience: Licensed Psychologist and Hypnotherapist 20 years of experience helping clients of all ages.
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