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cathy, Mental Health Professional
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 1436
Experience:  MS., MS.Ed., 30 years clinical and administrative experience in psychiatry and mental health
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I have a 26 yr old daughter that was diagnosed with seperation

Customer Question

I have a 26 yr old daughter that was diagnosed with seperation anxiety disorder as a child it has never been treated. She has been in and out of trouble since she was 13. She recently was caught taking opiates from her employer and has went to rehab & also been put into a Nursing sort of rehab program as well as a state drug court program which will allow no record if she completes it. She also has a 2 yr old daughter, our only grandchild. She is in relationship with the baby's daddy, but he is worthless, no I mean really worthless,she has no job since the drugs, he hasn't worked to support his family since the baby was 5months old, she/they have lost everything and they have been living with us. i think she has some serious mental issues. With this in mind how do we know how much to help this daughter and granddaughter if we don't know if she is truly sick? We are at our witts end with her., but we have this grandbaby to consider.
Submitted: 6 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  cathy replied 6 years ago.

Hi there and thanks for writing to JA


I am so sorry to hear about your daughter. You must be so worried and frustrated.


Above and beyond untreated separation anxiety (which appears to have remit without treatment from what you have posted) it sounds like she has several other mental health issues that are causing her a lot of distress and you as well.


Alcoholism and addiction are illnesses so your daughter is really really sick and we have only known for a brief period of time that it is usually a genetic illness so it is likely that it will take her a long time to get well as treatment programs struggle to catch up to the research.


I have to ask what your options are here? I would think you would want to help your daughter as much as if she had cancer (for that is what addiction is) but I do know that

addicts do things while using that are unconscionable and that alienates family and friends. I would like you to not abandon her just because she has an illness that while not her fault is surely something she must take responsibility for.

What are you options here?
Are you able to take temporary custody of your grandchild so your daughter can recover?
Let me know so I can best guide you on this.

I am so sorry for your familys pain.

Warmest regards, Cathy


Customer: replied 6 years ago.

I understand that her addiction is a sickness. She is clean now and is staying clean. We are not wanting to abandon her, but have been so taken advantage of by her and have spent so much of our retirement funds to keep her going where do you draw that line with your adult children?

She is in this program that requires her to attend NA and several other meetings throughout the month, but this is all in response to the drug charges and the nursing board.

My main concern is getting her diagnosed. What is really going on with her! How do we get her diagnosed so that she can start some kind of treatment plan to get her well. I just don't see the other programs mentioned above doing anything. This is now Sept. and this has been going on since the end of May and she has had only 3 therapy sessions and 2 of them were group sessions.

We feel like we need to get a diagnosis to know how to proceed with her i.e. how much responsiblity we force her to take or not take. And then there is our beautiful grandbaby that needs care. If not from her mother than the rest of the family.

Customer: replied 6 years ago.

At this time she has lost just about everything she has ever had. She lost her job, she lost her home, she will lose all her belongs tomorrow, and she will probably soon lose her car.

The drug program doesn't care about her getting childcare to get to these meetings, she has no money to pay someone to take care of the baby, I live out of town, my husband is a truck driver and isn't home that much and her one sister that lives nearby will take the baby when she can but... if she doesn't make every one of these meetings she will go to jail and i hate that for her because that is just one more truama she has to go through.

I fear she will completely lose it if she loses her child...I just don't know where or who to turn to to get answers for her.


Expert:  cathy replied 6 years ago.


So you are saying that you are not in a position to help her with temporary childcare in case it all goes bad? Is this right?

and her diagnosis is:


Polysubstance Dependence and the code is 304.80


I am going to give you two links to help you. The first one is an intervention service. Now if there are no experts in your area, dont worry. just call them and get some advice okay?

Here you go:


Okay, now we know that addiction is biological usually in nature so I am giving you another site and you call them right away tomorrow and ask for some help on this. They are the cutting edge program not just in the US but in the world and if you tell them as clearly as you told me what the problem is they will help you too.


These people at both sources are the very best in the area that your daughter needs help and they are going to help you and give you advice.

You hang in there and you call them and email me tomorrow night and let me know how you made out?
Okay, take care of you tonight and as impossible as it might seem, do try to get some rest.

All my best, Cathy



Edited by cathy on 9/1/2010 at 2:53 AM EST
Customer: replied 6 years ago.

I can and will help with childcare. If I can take the baby with me to where I live and bring her back when my daughter is well as I have my mother who lives with me and a daughter and son-i-law next door and soon my sister will live inmy neighborhood, so there is a lot of family here, just not where she is.


Thanks so much for your advice and I'll get in touch with those you recommended.



Expert:  cathy replied 6 years ago.


while you are all wrapped up in taking care of everyone, please do not forget to take care of you?

Good Luck.


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