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MN Psychiatrist
MN Psychiatrist, Psychiatrist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 792
Experience:  Physician for 17 years, adult psychiatrist for 13 years working with a wide variety of patients.
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My husband has no sex drive. Our relationship is good except

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My husband has no sex drive. Our relationship is good except for this part. I feel like I becoming obsessed with trrying to get him interested. Should I back off or keep trying?
Submitted: 6 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  MN Psychiatrist replied 6 years ago.
Hello, I am a psychiatrist. I might be able to help if I had a little more information. Do you have any sense of why he has no sex drive? Does he have any medical problems? Does he take any medications at all? Certain medications can significantly decrease a person's sex drive?
Customer: replied 6 years ago.

No medications,but he does drink a lot of beer. He currently has a prescription for Cialis because of erection problems, but he rarely takes them.

Expert:  MN Psychiatrist replied 6 years ago.
Hello again. Could you give me a little more information about your marriage and life together in general? Also, was he previously more interested in sex, and if so, are you aware of anything that may have changed that?
Customer: replied 6 years ago.
Our marriage and life together is good. We share many interests and hobbies, but also have our separate interests. We are affectionate to each other, but in a friendly not sexual way. He used to very interested in sex. I don't know of any thing that changed that except for his problems with erectile dysfunction. He did get the prescription for Cialis from his doctor but it did not do anything for his sex drive.
Expert:  MN Psychiatrist replied 6 years ago.
Hello again. That is helpful to know. Depending on how much he is actually drinking, his alcohol consumption may play a significant role in decreasing his sex drive as well as worsening his erectile dysfunction. Also, it is common for men to have a decreased interest in sex as they age, in part due to decreased testosterone levels. Has he had his testosterone level checked? In the absence of that being a problem, or of him being on certain medications (like certain medications for high blood pressure and most medications for depression) or having diabetes or another condition that can directly cause problems with impotence, it may be worth doing. It may be helpful to discuss it with him, too, if you have not; for many men, it is a source of much shame to suffer from erectile dysfunction and that shame may lead to avoidance of the whole issue - including avoiding initiating sex when they might otherwise really prefer NOT to avoid it. If none of these suggestions help, and he also does not know what to do (or how to talk about it), it might be helpful to discuss it together with a marital therapist/sex therapist. I hope this helps out.
Customer: replied 6 years ago.
We have addressed the issue of erectile dysfunction which is why is has Cialis.The problem is that he still does not have the interest he used to. When we do have sex he just doesn't seem to get into it! I don't know how to deal with it. I know getting angry will only make things worse, but do I just accept the way things are? I have thoughts of an affair or divorce, but I do not want either of those. What is the best way for me to handle the situation?
Expert:  MN Psychiatrist replied 6 years ago.
Hello again. This must be incredibly frustrating.
I would absolutely not advise you to just accept things as they are, because if there is a solution, that means your giving up before it is found... Further, I suspect that doing that will cause you to lose respect and/or harbor resentment against him; both of those things will be detrimental.
If your husband is open to trying things other than the Cialis, it may be beneficial to trying to stimulate his sex drive via testosterone injections and/or Wellbutrin. Wellbutrin is an antidepressant that can stimulate sex drive, and it is routinely used to do so in patients who suffer from medication-induced sexual dysfunction from other antidepressants (a common problem). Also, if there is any chance that your husband has any elements of depression - which can absolutely cause a loss of interest in sex - it may help in that respect. If your husband is unaware of how frustrated you are with this situation, if you share that with him, it may help him to realize what he might stand to lose if he doesn't try harder to get involved with you. Too, at least then, you will have been fully open with him about your needs in the marriage and how dissatisfied you are with your sexual relationship.
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