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cathy
cathy, Mental Health Professional
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 1436
Experience:  MS., MS.Ed., 30 years clinical and administrative experience in psychiatry and mental health
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I have a 50 year old sister who exhibits behavior of a patholigical

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I have a 50 year old sister who exhibits behavior of a patholigical liar and has done so since she was a child. Our parents never dealt with her behavior as they were on overload dealing with 5 kids and just wanted all of us to "just get along." Two of us older girls got married young to get out of the house because of her stealing our belongings and her denying it when confronted and then telling us to "prove it", as mom will never believe you. Most of our items were found hoarded between the mattress of her bed. She made sure she got married in consequentive order even though my other sister had planned hers first, she is very competitive and had 4 children. Her oldest was just released from prison from stealing $420,000. My sister does not see the correlation but blames "his side of the family." She also has a daughter with a severe drug problem. Her husband is an alcoholic and a philanderer. Our mother recently died, our last surviving parent. Now that our parents are gone, my sister is uninhibited and feels she can express herself by screaming in my parents front yard while we are pitching into the dumpster and she is afraid that her portion of the estate is being spent unwisely and calls everyone liars (basically projecting herself on everyone else). I would like to know how to address her behavior with her and tell her she needs help and to stop. She has always been insanely jealous of each and everyone of us girls and thinks we are all out to get her She and our 5th sister have totally disengaged from my parents until the last 2 weeks of their death, then they came around their death bed. The estate will be settled the end of September. The house will then be put on the market. Three out of 5 of us kids are extremely frightened of "Mary's" lying behavior and another sister who runs a close second to her in their emotional instability. Any advice on how to handle Mary? Thank you.
Submitted: 3 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  cathy replied 3 years ago.

Hi and thanks for writing JA

You make so many claims about your sister that it is hard to follow. I would just have her locked up and throw away the key> She sounds like such a monster of a human after all? or is she?

 

You know I am not sure from reading your post if Mary is such a monster or if you are just so dang angry with her that you are saying things to paint her as a monster. This because from what you post Mary has absolutely no redeeming qualities whatso ever.

If you can think of one quality Mary has, let us know so we can help you to help her on this. You see nothing can happen unless he has at least one positive trait.

 

People who are this evil and monstrous cannot be changed no matter what and without one single positive trait, I would be hard pressed to advise you.

Let us know.

Warm regards XXXXX XXXXX a rough situation. I know you have suffered a lot and I wish you all the best.

Cathy



Edited by cathy on 9/1/2010 at 12:49 AM EST
Customer: replied 3 years ago.
Thank you for your response. I guess she has no redeeming qualities as she cannot be trusted due to her pathological lying. I believe this was not addressed when she was younger and too late for change. We did find out that we had a cousin who suffered from the same affliction, so this is obviously familial. We have a friend who is a nun who also basically said the same as you. My mom's dying wish is that we all got along and be there for each other. I could not make that promise to her and now my other siblings have seen her in action and are appauled and we cannot bring ourselves to enter a room with her in it. Wait, a minute, she is a good cook.
Expert:  cathy replied 3 years ago.

Oh my, I am just so very sorry for you.

 

Okay, you know the thing about therapy is that we need to have strengths to work with and I am sorry that being a good cook does not qualify :) although I do appreciate your sense of humor at such a tough time.

 

You know I really do hate giving you my response but here goes. Stay as far away from Mary as you can. I know that you already know this somehow but I cannot impress upon you enough that she is quite a dangerous woman and any interactions you have will cause you more pain and suffering.

 

I know that you are a good person and would not have written us here if you were not looking for a gentle way to handle her, but I have to be firm with you and ask that if she gets out of hand and makes public displays to harm you or threatens you in any way, you are going to have to get a restraining order and let your local authorities take charge.

I know. This is just so sad.

I know you have good friends who will help you through this and luckily we can choose our friends even when we cannot choose our family.

 

There are books out there to waste money on but none will work with your Mary.

 

I am just so sorry. I wish I could have given you the kinder and gentler response you were seeking but I cannot. You watch out for yourself and do not forget to take very good care of you please.

Warm regards XXXXX XXXXX a painful post.

let me know if there is more we can do to help you on this?

Warm regards,

Cathy

cathy, Mental Health Professional
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 1436
Experience: MS., MS.Ed., 30 years clinical and administrative experience in psychiatry and mental health
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