How JustAnswer Works:

  • Ask an Expert
    Experts are full of valuable knowledge and are ready to help with any question. Credentials confirmed by a Fortune 500 verification firm.
  • Get a Professional Answer
    Via email, text message, or notification as you wait on our site.
    Ask follow up questions if you need to.
  • 100% Satisfaction Guarantee
    Rate the answer you receive.

Ask Lori Gephart Your Own Question

Lori Gephart
Lori Gephart, Licensed Psychologist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 259
Experience:  Licensed Psychologist and Hypnotherapist 20 years of experience helping clients of all ages.
45699345
Type Your Mental Health Question Here...
Lori Gephart is online now
A new question is answered every 9 seconds

i am very insecure and jealous when it comes to my boyfriend,

Resolved Question:

i am very insecure and jealous when it comes to my boyfriend, and i am 38 not a teenager though i act like one. most of the time i overreact to the situation. what are some excersices i can do so i do not act out by fighting with him.
Submitted: 4 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Lori Gephart replied 4 years ago.
Chat Conversation Started
Lori Gephart :

Hello, I'm happy to talk with you. I am working on your question now.

Lori Gephart :

Thank you for contacting JustAnswer.


 


I am sorry to hear that you are having problems in your relationship. One of the best ways to help to avoid overreacting is to slow things down. This can be done in several ways. First, you can try reflective listening in which you listen to him while setting aside your response. Then let him know what you are hearing from him, what you heard him say and what it sounds like he is feeling. Once he acknowledges that yes you have heard him correctly, then you can respond to let him know how it feels to hear this.


 


Another thing you can do is to remember to not start your sentences with you. When you do this it is like pointing a finger at him and will cause him to be defensive. Additionally, you can take several deep breaths when in a situation in which you may tend to overreact.


 


Also, letting him know that you are working on this behavior, and that at times you may need to walk away and come back in a little bit in order to have time to process things could be helpful. When you walk away, remember to do it in a very matter of fact way, not in an angry way. Then you can go to a place by yourself and write him an angry letter. You can make it as angry as you want, and then shred it. This allows you to vent your anger in a way that doesn't hurt anyone. Then, after some deep breaths, you may be able to go back and talk with him more reasonably.


 


Finally, reality testing with yourself about whether the issue at hand will really matter in another year can help to determine whether it is really an important issue worthy of such a reaction or not.


 


I hope this answer is helpful. Please let me know if I can clarify further.

Customer :

i do try to remove myself but the issue is more that i am removing myself from a situation i created in my head

Lori Gephart :

You may want to try thought stopping. When one of these thoughts enters your mind, you can tell yourself "STOP", then replace the thought with a more positive thought that is rational and reasonable. For instance, something that you might tell a good friend who was in a similar situation. Then get up and do something to "change the channel" in your brain; such as exercising, getting involved in a project, talking to someone . . . . The more you work on the thought stopping, the more it will become normal for you to think more positively. If this is not helpful, it may be beneficial for you to again consider some individual therapy to work through what may be contributing to the problem. There are mental health centers in most areas that will offer sliding scale fees. I hope this is helpful. Please let me know if I can be of further help.

Customer :

i do try to remove myself but most of the time i create the situation in my head. i make i big deal out of something small like him looking at a female. especially younger ones

Lori Gephart, Licensed Psychologist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 259
Experience: Licensed Psychologist and Hypnotherapist 20 years of experience helping clients of all ages.
Lori Gephart and 2 other Mental Health Specialists are ready to help you

JustAnswer in the News:

 
 
 
Ask-a-doc Web sites: If you've got a quick question, you can try to get an answer from sites that say they have various specialists on hand to give quick answers... Justanswer.com.
JustAnswer.com...has seen a spike since October in legal questions from readers about layoffs, unemployment and severance.
Web sites like justanswer.com/legal
...leave nothing to chance.
Traffic on JustAnswer rose 14 percent...and had nearly 400,000 page views in 30 days...inquiries related to stress, high blood pressure, drinking and heart pain jumped 33 percent.
Tory Johnson, GMA Workplace Contributor, discusses work-from-home jobs, such as JustAnswer in which verified Experts answer people’s questions.
I will tell you that...the things you have to go through to be an Expert are quite rigorous.
 
 
 

What Customers are Saying:

 
 
 
  • I can go as far as to say it could have resulted in saving my sons life and our entire family now knows what bipolar is and how to assist and understand my most wonderful son, brother and friend to all who loves him dearly. Thank you very much Corrie Moll Pretoria, South Africa
< Last | Next >
  • I can go as far as to say it could have resulted in saving my sons life and our entire family now knows what bipolar is and how to assist and understand my most wonderful son, brother and friend to all who loves him dearly. Thank you very much Corrie Moll Pretoria, South Africa
  • I thank-you so much! It really helped to have this information and confirmation. We will watch her carefully and get her in for the examination and US right away if things do not improve. God bless you as well! Claudia Albuquerque, NM
  • Outstanding response time less than 6 minutes. Answered the question professionally and with a great deal of compassion. Kevin Beaverton, OR
  • Suggested diagnosis was what I hoped and will take this info to my doctor's appointment next week.
    I feel better already! Thank you.
    Elanor Tracy, CA
  • Thank you to the Physician who answered my question today. The answer was far more informative than what I got from the Physicians I saw in person for my problem. Julie Lockesburg, AR
  • You have been more help than you know. I seriously don't know what my sisters situation would be today if you had not gone above and beyond just answering my questions. John and Stefanie Tucson, AZ
  • I have been dealing with an extremely serious health crisis for over three years, and one your physicians asked me more questions, gave me more answers and encouragement than a dozen different doctors who have been treating me!! Janet V Phoenix, AZ
 
 
 

Meet The Experts:

 
 
 
  • Dr. Keane

    Therapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1262
    Clinical Psychology PhD, Licensed Professional Counselor with experience in marriage/family, teens and child psychology.
< Last | Next >
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/DR/Dr.Keane/2013-8-20_204325_drkeane.64x64.jpg Dr. Keane's Avatar

    Dr. Keane

    Therapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1262
    Clinical Psychology PhD, Licensed Professional Counselor with experience in marriage/family, teens and child psychology.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/RE/resolutions66/2011-1-17_05728_IMG8202smilingeditedforJustAnswer.64x64.jpg Elliott, LPCC, NCC's Avatar

    Elliott, LPCC, NCC

    Psychotherapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    5024
    35 years of experience as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, National Certified Counselor and a college professor.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/formybunch/2010-12-06_191055_img_0975.jpg Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC's Avatar

    Kate McCoy, M.Ed, NBCC, LPC

    Therapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    3733
    Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/DR/DrAkiraOlsen/2012-2-20_746_AkiraADpicmain.64x64.jpg Dr. Olsen's Avatar

    Dr. Olsen

    Psychologist

    Satisfied Customers:

    2336
    PsyD Psychologist
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/norriem/2009-5-27_134249_nm.jpg Norman M.'s Avatar

    Norman M.

    Psychotherapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    2193
    UK trained in hypnotherapy, counselling and psychotherapy and have been in private practice. ADHP(NC), DEHP(NC), UKCP Registered and ECP.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/PsychologyProf/2010-07-15_171248_logos060400409.jpg Dr. Michael's Avatar

    Dr. Michael

    Psychologist

    Satisfied Customers:

    2177
    Licensed Ph.D. Clinical Health Psychology with 30 years of experience in private practive and as a clinical psychology university professor.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/KURTEMMERLING/2010-07-23_215531_just_ask_picture1.jpg Steven Olsen's Avatar

    Steven Olsen

    Therapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1727
    More than twenty years of expertise in counseling, psychological diagnosis and education
 
 
 

Related Mental Health Questions