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Tamara
Tamara, Counselor & Psychotherapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 1072
Experience:  20+ yrs Private Practice; Cert. Master Therapist; National Board Certified; APA Board Certified
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My 7 year old daughter wants me to spank her.....Normal

Resolved Question:

My 7 year old daughter wants me to spank her.....Normal?? When she has friends over they play a game called "mad scientists" -This is a game where they take play tools and inflict pain on each other..... Not sure if this is a phase or what , Sooo, I thought I'd ask you ~
THanks
Submitted: 3 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Tamara replied 3 years ago.
Chat Conversation Started
Tamara :

Hi. Welcome to JustAnswer. I'm pleased to try to help you today. No, I would have to say that that is not normal. I would suggest that you talk with your daughter to see if you can find out what is behind this desire. Is she feeling the need to be punished? Or is she perhaps feeling that punishment is a way to get attention from you? There is some dynamic going on here that is not normal, so I would encourage you to work with her to try to understand this desire from her perspective. Whatever she is trying to get through being spanked needs to be provided in another manner. Best wishes, and please let me know if I can answer any further questions. Tamara

Customer :

Thanks Tamara,

Customer :

I have asked my daughter why she wants me to spank her or if she has done something wrong and she says that she doesn't know why

Customer :

School is starting next week, and She had some behavioral glitches last year at the start of the year and I'm wondering if that may have anything to do with it and maybe she's nervous? I really don't know ?

Tamara :

She may not be very clear as to exactly why, but it sounds like she has related spanking to some kind of game that she is likely enjoying with her friends. I think the best thing is to refuse to participate, explaining to her that hurting someone physically is not nice, and that because you love her, you won't do that to her. Help her understand that that is not something she should accept from anyone, and that there is a big difference between playing and real life.

Customer :

The problem... We have spanked her in the past on a VERY rare occasion - My daughter is very bright and very strong willed - we have struggled with discipline and have tried many things-

Tamara :

It certainly is possible that she is just nervous. Physical pain and/or focus can certainly be a way that some people distract themselves from feelings that are uncomfortable emotionally. You want to move her away from this coping mechanism, however, if that is what is going on. You don't want her to get used to inflicting pain on herself physically in order to avoid emotions. Be gentle with her, and just keep talking and explaining and moving her in a healthy direction. It really sounds like this is providing some kind of emotional comfort, and you just don't want to encourage it. I suspect it will pass on it's own if it isn't reinforced (with a lot of attention), and she is helped to find other ways to express her feelings and deal with uncomfortable situations. Best wishes. Tamara

Customer :

The only thing that has seemed to work is taking away privileges ~ Thanks for your help

Tamara :

I doubt this has anything to do with the fact that you have spanked her in the past. She is obviously bright, and will thus present a challenge to you at times. It's best to keep your discipline based on removal of privileges, etc., so that she has the opportunity to think things through from the perspective of potential consequences as opposed to simply avoiding being spanked. Smart kids can play some games that are hard to understand. Do your best to treat it all as normal and keep guiding her toward more mature coping skills. I think she'll be fine. Take care. Tamara

Customer :

Thanks, XXXXX XXXXX good night~

Tamara :

You're welcome. You have a good night too.

Tamara, Counselor & Psychotherapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 1072
Experience: 20+ yrs Private Practice; Cert. Master Therapist; National Board Certified; APA Board Certified
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