Seeking expert counseling is a sign of strength. A personal relationship with a caring professional is proven clinically effective.
This woman, your fiancee, is in desperate need of help. She has the symptoms of a rare disorder called Intermittent Explosive Disorder, which usually occurs in men more than women, but does occur in women as well. Some clinicians claim that is exists as a symptom of other disorders, but it is still accepted by the "bible" of mental health diagnosis as a separate category.
The family doesn't understand. You have their blessings, but deep within your heart you hear the warning bells. Heed them, brother. End this relationship. If you do not, you will live to regret it.
This is just background, but I wanted you to have this knowledge for your reference. IED episodes generally begin suddenly ("hair-trigger temper") and often end suddenly. The individual often expresses regret their destructive behaviour.
Some of these individuals are extremely sensitive to alcohol. The condition in which a person has a marked loss of behavioral control after just a drink or two used to be called pathological intoxication, and though it is no longer an "official" designation, the concept still has clinical relevance.
There may be other problems including Antisocial Personality, Borderline Personality Disorder
, Conduct Disorder, or the manic phase of bipolar
Recent findings suggest that IED may result from abnormalities in the areas of the brain
that regulate behavioral arousal and inhibition.PET scans are useful in determining this.
Other clinicians believe that IED is often resulting from harsh punishments inflicted by the parents. The child grows up believing that others are out to get her and that violence is the best way to restore damaged self-esteem. She may also have observed one or both parents, older siblings, or other relatives acting out in explosively violent ways. In short, people who develop IED have learned, usually in their family of origin, to believe that certain acts or attitudes on the part of other people "justify" aggressive attacks on them.
With that information established, let us get to your question, are you heading for disaster?
Absolutely. I know this woman without her huge deficits, is a prize in your mind. She is stunningly attractive, young, and is like a dream come true on one level. She is like the sumptuous meal that is set before you. Your favorite foods, delicacies that you love, skillfully prepared and artfully presented. You want to eat this meal - savour eat - even devour it - but the drawback is that it is poisoned. Your senses tell you to go ahead and eat the meal. The aroma overwhelms you. It is a joy to behold. The table is set with the finest linens, and exquisite dinner ware. Your friends envy you this meal. It is hard to resist. What must you do?
This woman cannot help herself. She can possibly get help, but it will not be an easy road. She may not even want to get help.
If you continue your relationship, especially if you get married, you will live a life of pain and misery with her. She might permanently injure you or blind you, or you may wind up hurting her and spending years in prison.
The family doesn't know the situation, and they won't have to live with her. You will. You must end this relationship. Let the family think what they will. Return the rings or put them in a drawer, but don't put one on her finger, and don't put a noose around your neck.
I wish you the best. I am sorry for your your loss, but its time to cut the losses now. This woman will be your eternal curse if you marry her. Get out now.
If my advice has helped you, or at least given you pause, please accept my answer.
Best to you. Have courage and strength, and watch your back.
Elliott Sewell, LPCC, NCC