Hi there, many thanks for trusting me with your question and I am sorry I didnt get there very soon. I am on a short break at the moment and havent been online.
Therapists hve alternate views on situations and often, there is more than one way to gain a positive result. The reason I have disagreed on this occasion is that I believe that there is a way that you can support each other through this. It sounds to me like your partner is bringing the anger and violence form her past into the current time and the violence you are experiencing from her is triggered by you, but not created by you. It is possible for her (and you separately if you feel it is necessary) to have EMDR eye movement desensititsation and reprocessing therapy, which enables a person to re-visit the past and let the emotions go, so that they do not keep appearing in the present. Please understand that I am not advocating a violent relationship, as it is NEVER acceptable for this to happen. But I feel you must love her lots to have put up with as much as you have, and you are probably a good support for this girl. I suggest that you help her to find a therapist near to you (see www.emdria.com) and support her through this, if you really want to be with her. life could be very different for you when this has gone away. The beliefs about herself are held within her subconscious mind and are triggered when you fall out, leading her to throw all of her past emotions and anger at you, with very little control, but also with very little intention. This is whay I think this is worth taking forward. I am sorry you now have two paths to consider, but you asked for a way forward and now you have a choice. With very best wishes, Sarah